What's wrong with the myspace thing?

Question

I'm going to feel like a big dufus for asking this, but I honestly want to know. I've been to "the" myspace page (you know, the big one that everyone's talking about), and I don't get what's wrong with it. Many of you know how I feel. I want to be a GOOD AP. I don't want to mess my kids up...I want to help them heal, not make things worse. But to be honest, I had planned to show off my family on my myspace, too. Maybe I'm missing something...I just don't see what's wrong with it. Please educate me.

Answer 1

I would not recommend anyone put pictures of their kids online, there are too many predators who could use the pictures inappropriately.

I think it's more of a safetly issue than anything else.  I would talk with the resource officer with your local police dept.  I'm sure they will have plenty of reasons why it's a bad idea.

Answer 2

Maybe this is an effect of having my mother snatched away from me at birth--but I am ultra-terrified of my children being kidnapped or exploited in ANY way.

My children's names or photographs are not online and my location is unknown.  Other than my husband, they are the most valued people in my life.  They also happened to be minors, who I feel are not the best judge of whether or not their images should be online.

Chalk it up to a crazy adoptee who also knows a great deal about true crime, but I am adamant on this subject for my children.

Answer 3

Two words:

Internet Predators.

Answer 4

i'll tell you the truth, gaia, it makes me feel like these parents think they hit the lottery by winning a kid.

it makes me feel sad.  also, it grates on my brain bc that's just one more arena an adoptee is going to have to live up to expectations in.

we already have massive expectations, by being told we were "chosen".  when you're a little kid, that's too heavy.  it's too hard to live up to.

i spent my life being told how grateful i should be because i was "special" and "chosen".  it was terrifying to need to live up to that, or be given back.

and yes, some of us do feel that threat.

it's frightening.  the myspace is just a modern day element that adds to the adoptee status pressure.

thank god for you.  you have the common sense to at least ask why we feel this way, instead of just doing it.

i feel like many of these websites are just so morbid.  "look what i got!!!  me me me me me me me!!!!"

bleeeech.  they make me want to throw up in my mouth.

Answer 5

i haven't been to "the" myspace page. I don't like when people go on myspace trolling for a baby though, like a "dear birthmother" myspace page. Its against myspace terms of service, i've reported a few and they've pulled them.

The page in question aparently had someone on it saying they just surrendered a baby and they get depressed when they stay at home. Which makes me personally wonder why they'd be trying to adopt again? Don't get it. But theres too many people in the world doing sheezy like this for me to wonder about each one.

I personally don't put pictures of my girls up because I don't want predators to get ahold of them. I post on a large "mothering" forum and years ago they found out the pictures they were posting of their kids in the home made cloth diapers were getting swiped and used on a sexual predators website.

I live in fear of that, so my kids are offline only.

Answer 6

I haven't looked at the page, because frankly I really don't care to. It's very "stalkerish" to me.

And I tend to not take what is put on people's myspace page as gospel anyway.

I refuse to judge others based on the public or cyberspace persona. That, to me, is irresponsible. You cannot know a person based on that. Plus, I know what it feels like to have people think they "know' me or my family, and our motivations based on something posted on a webpage, or a blog or myspace.

I have a myspace page, it's private only my friends can view it.

Answer 7

What page are you talking about?  I honestly have no idea.

Answer 8

I don't get the problem either...  

Frankly, I do understand respecting our children and their privacy as well as their wishes... I am not sure that all children feel the same way.

As for the things I write about and post about my children be sure their names are changed...and when they are old enough to express their feelings ask them what they think....

Our little girl Makala LOVES the publicity....  She HELPS write website pages, and is directly involved with decisions about her "image" and her "story".

Her feelings change over time...  When they do we talk about it and make decisions....  She is 10 yrs old and she WANTS to be healthy--she is the FIRST one to announce, "My name is Makala and I am adopted!"

She enjoys talking about it--she remembers it--and she gets a lot of attention about it....  YES, these are not completely postive signs--they are part of her RAD issues and her personality.... She should be an actress and wants to be (because it is a job you can do if you lie real well!)

She helps design our website--she has her own website (private) she also knows how to publish her own story which she is doing... For her this is Healthy--she is writing her feelings, in her words, from her own mixed-up memories....

Her personality is Public.... She is extroverted--outgoing--and wants to live life in the spot light.... Her story is a valuable tool TO HER.... If she had the opportunity to be as famous as Hanna Montana she would sell-out on any edge she possibly could.... It is not our fault as her parents that she will use her dramatic story of being adopted at the age of 5 for fuel and attention...

Our son on the other hand doesn't have the same memories, or personality. He is much more private and the strong silent type....  His wishes are honored as well. He doesn't introduce himself by pointing out his difference--he was only 1 and he frankly doesn't care... He has a difficult time remembering the titles and confuses birth mother with the word baby sitter... to him at this point they are the same...

If he has an issue with his story being told he has a few other complications.... Because HIS story is NOT just his--but, his sisters too....and the other siblings....

I feel things like Myspace, or websites, blogs, photo publishing and all of that stuff is something Each person has their own feelings about....  My children all 4 understand that I am a published writer.... They have been Written about! And anyone who knows anything about published writing knows that PEN Names are the barrior between privacy and public life....

There are other issues that take place when we publish a photo on the web. Namely that someone can steal the image and photo-shop it to Appear in a number of ways it really didn't! This is a problem with publishing any childs photo online. There have been issues with "normal" child pictures being morphed into p**n with technology and that is a whole seperate issue every person needs to understand...

But, as far as writing about, and sharing photos about Our children (any of them) there are already rules, laws and ethics that cover that subject and each parent or person needs to understand the rules, laws and ethics and so long as these are followed the people with different oppinions have the right to express their feelings and concerns and try to change the rules, laws and ethics....

***ADDED*** Also if you are very concerned about the 'safety' of your child Do Not allow them to participate in an community sports...not only are the coaches preditors, but your childs photo might end up published--and it could even end up on the local community news website....

AND--be sure to NOT allow any publication of your childs image, name or information with the Schools.... because that means they can publish your childs picture, full name and all sorts of stuff in the school newsletters--rosters--websites...

If safety and protection matter--it would be a good idea to home school and not leave the house--and keep the blinds down....because You and Our children have no rights to your image if it can be seen from a public spot.... so don't go outside because someone might drive by and take a photo of your child on his bike....and they have the right to do so...

Safety is relative to where you choose to draw the lines....and this is a seperate issue having nothing to do with adoption.

Answer 9

Despite those who think only a minuscule portion of the population is concerned with safety issues regarding posting one's children on the Internet, police advise against it.  Here are some police tips for child safety on the Internet, including advice to not have pictures of children posted on social networking sites, such as MySpace.

http://www.raynhampd.com/internet_safety...

http://www.weymouth.ma.us/police/index.a...

http://www.rehobothpd.org/safety.htm

http://www.ftthomas.org/Police/CrimePrev...

Answer 10

if you have a myspace that is private you should be able to put up pctures of you OWN kid.  everyone does that.  Its way better than idiots on yahoo who like put up pictures of their babies and kids as their avatars.  now that IS sick