What's wrong with wanting a hassle-free adoption?

Question

Assuming that "hassle-free" is just that hassle-free. LEGALLY and ETHICALLY hassle-free.

Answer 1

Nobody wants to see potential adoptive parents beat down because they're willing to open their hearts to a child in need.

What we want is to ensure the very best new life for the children.  As an adopted child who was abused by my parents, I don't feel the home studies, psychological testing, or post placement follow up is adequate.   In fact, I think all adoptions should be granted at cost only to the best qualified parents.  Hassle means nothing to those who think about the best interests of the child first.

Dealing with anything worth having is going to be a hassle.  Especially if it's bureaucratic.  I get permits for buildings all day.  It's always a hassle.   Because there are people out there whose job it is to ensure the life safety of the inhabitants of those buildings and the general public. So it's a necessary hassle.   And in every jurisdiction there are people there who will frustrate your process, but because the goal is to realize someone's dream, you brush aside the frustration and just press on.

Having a child is often a hassle as well.  Ask anyone with a kid who has health problems and has to deal with health insurance companies on a daily basis.  As a parent, you've no idea how many hassles you may encounter over the years:  every child is a wild card, and every parent must be willing and open to this and any other hassles that may come.  

It is very distressing to hear your adoptive parents relate their story  about what a hassle they had to go through to get you.  The whole attitude and perception of hassle sends out a message that lowers your self worth.  At its root, that attitude reflects a preoccupation with self.  Which is not the quality you look for in a good parent.

If I were screening for adoptive parents, I would not the choose the parents who complained about hassles and felt sorry for themselves.  I would choose the parent who said, "that's it?  throw some more my way!  Bring it on!  Whatever it takes, I'll do it."  

Answer 2

Nothing, of course.

Adoption is a very personal decision. Inevitably, people who criticize parents for their adoptive choices have adopted zero children.

It's a hoot really!

Answer 3

Nothing wrong.  However, the system in this country stinks.  I know because I tried to adopt a child several years ago but it was not hassle-free.

I did everything I was asked, attended classes, had a good history (no criminal or child abuse) clean house, and still had to endure a 6 + month trial.  I had to give up because I did not have any more money for attorneys' fees.  I was in debt for 3 or 4 years due to that.

I have given up on that idea and on the system.  The children put up for adoption are not being given a fair chance.  

Answer 4

I think they are rare.  I adopted my daughter through the foster care system.  It was a living nightmare.  Even her social worker (Who was awesome!) was shocked at how tough our case was.

But in the end it was so very worth it!  The horrible adoption is all behid us and i have a beautiful 4 year old who calls me momma :)

Answer 5

Why, nothing, of course.

Things tightening up in Guat got you down?

sniff.

Answer 6

i agree...

i also believe we should have

-pregnancy without the hassle of weight gain,  stretch marks, nausea and labor pains

-home ownership without the hassle of credit reports and home inspections.

-college education without the hassle of tuition

in other words, major life events, such as PARENTING are rarely hassle-free, nor should they be.

Answer 7

I think it should be the most hassle you could get, its another life, that a person is responsible for, it should be like going to wal mart.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with "wanting" a hassle-free adoption.  Expecting one, however, is pretty impractical.  For the record, I get that you are talking about the process as it is...not wanting to 'skip' anything important.  And I get that you are talking about the adoption (as an event) not parenting itself.

It sucks that you had (or seem to have had, based on this post) some problems/setbacks with your adoption process.  Please try to remember that social workers are human beings, not robots.  And, more often than not, our (yes, I'm a social worker) case loads are inhuman.  In other words, for a regular "human", they're impossible.  I've never worked in/for adoption, though, so it may be different there.  Mistakes happen.  If you think the social worker did something malicious, you can/should report the incident.  That is assuming the scenario you presented is what happened, rather than a 'hypothetical'.  I have no idea if that's the case.

If it's important enough, you'll work through/deal with the 'hassles'.  Anything 'worth it' to a person will also be 'worth' the stuff that goes with it -- the stuff we'd rather do without.

Let me give you an example.  I'm physically disabled.  I can walk with a walker or a cane, depending on the day.  If I want/need something that is at the top of a flight of stairs, and there's no other way to get to it, I'll take the stairs.  It's takes me *at least* twice as long to get up (or down) a flight of stairs as an able-bodied person.  But if what I want/need is at the top of the stairs, I don't worry about the fact that most other people can take the stairs with a lot more ease than I can.  I don't think I'm being conspired against when stairs are narrow, or have only one handrail, or none at all.  That's just the way some stairs are.

See any parallels?  Well, for what it's worth, most things in life have "hassles" attached, in one way or another, for SOMEONE.

Answer 9

Nothing.

And adoptees having their full and equal rights should be hassle free, as well.

Answer 10

If adoption is hassle-free, then ANYONE will be able to do it. While it seems unfair that any old couple off the street, assuming both are fertile, can create a whole new child from scratch, while a couple who decides to adopt has to jump through a bazillion hoops, I do feel happier that people who want to adopt have to show that they can go the distance, rather than just letting anyone - be they lazy, angry, or abusive - turn up and say "we'd like that one please" and taking a child home.