What's your favourite joke(s)?

Question

Please don't say ' Just read the jokes on the page' because I've read most of them.

Answer 1

What`s the difference between a hare and a rabbit ?

You can pull a hair out of your bum but you can`t pull a rabbit !!!

Answer 2

life

Answer 3

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."

Answer 4

omg i actually proper LOLLED out loud..when someone wrote life.

Answer 5

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and puts a honey flavoured candy in his mouth.

"can u guess what it is?" asks the teacher.

"i dont know" he replies.

"ill give u a hint, its something your mom may call your dad."

the girl next to the boy says, "spit it out its an a$shole!"

hehe XD

Answer 6

Since they are always changing, lets just say these are the favorite for the day.

Barack Obama, John McCain, and Bill Clinton are on a ship in the Persian Gulf. The ship hits a mine and begins to sink. Obama says: "Women and children first." McCain says: "F*** the women." Clinton says: "Do we have time?"

What do Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama have in common? They both attract young people with mindless verses.

Answer 7

Boy-"santa, please send me a brother for christmas"

santa-"please send me your mother"

Answer 8

what do you call a monkey in a minefield - a baBOOM

did you hear about the blind circumsiser - he got the sack

what goes clippity clop clippity clop clippity clop BANG BANG - an amish drive by shooting

i know many yet these are short but sweet

Answer 9

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let’s say that I’m capitalism because I’m the breadwinner. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother’s crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper.

So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. Because he couldn’t do anything else, he turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is s******g the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of sh*t."

Answer 10

This young man comes home from Ranger school, and tells his dad about what they had him do.

"they tried to make me jump out of an air plane !! but i looked out the door and knew there was no way i would do it!!"

"then my drill sargeant came up to me and said if i didn't jump, he was gonna stick his baton up my hind end!!!"

his dad asked him, "did you jump?"

"A little at first!!"

and my other joke is:

What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?

CHOKED!!

Answer 11

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico

...

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being

served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones

de Toro , bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because

there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was

served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites,

inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied 'Si, señor,sometimes the bull wins .

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