What's your opinion on older couples adopting?

Question

I'm curious because I am a nanny for a 5 and 6 year old that were adopted from Russia. Their father is in his mid 50 and severly obese and their mother is in her late 40s and also obese.

Personally, I think it is selfish that they adopted, due to health and age. What do you think?

Answer 1

Should the rules be different for adoptive parents than biological parents?

Are you one of those nannies who thinks they would be a better parent for your charges than the parents?  You are the hired help and have no right to make judgements.  Just do you job well and collect your paycheck, then go home and leave the kids with their parents.  This is not your life, it is your job.

Answer 2

I have no problem with people that old adopting.  That isn't that old...however health is a major concern.

My dear thin friend just died of colon cancer at age 41, her biological and step children are left to live without her...you never can tell.

Answer 3

As long as they passed the homestudy, they should be fine.  

But on that same line... what about smokers or people who drink or people that don't wear their seatbelts or young people or peple with high cholesterol?  Should they not be allowed to adopt?  Where would you draw the line?

Answer 4

I don't think it is selfish based on just what you have mentioned.  Do they have health and life insurance to cover any possible things that could happen to them?  Do they have a relative or close friend that could take the children if they were to die early?  In my mind, an older and possible sickly family is better than not having a family at all.

A roommate in college had parents that were much older.  She had a wonderful childhood because her parents had the time and the money to lavish her with attention.

Answer 5

For a family to adopt a child internationally they first have to be scrutinized by a state social worker.  The federal government has to approve them and then they have to meet the requirements of the country they are adopting from.  So if they are adopted from Russia they are obviously qualified to do so.

My question to you is would you be asking this question if she were pregnant?  Why should a woman in her 40s and a man in his 50s not be questioned about parenting if they are obviously considered qualified to do so?

Stick to your day job.

Answer 6

For what its worth : those that adopted by wife Frans baby were born in 1939  & 1946. They adopted the baby (not very legal) back in 1991....add the years up. Wonder How the kid "feels" when mom& dad are that "old" ???

Answer 7

I think it's sad that they adopted children - only to have them put with a nanny.

These kids need loving caring parents - that are there for them - not nannies.

Answer 8

You are 110% correct.

And to those who say they 'could have been born into this'.  An obese woman in her late 40s?  Uh, I don't think so.  Also, people that are that heavy are 'older' than people their same age, who are healthy.  

I guess the message from most of the posters here is that these kids should be grateful for whatever comes their way...who are they to deserve young, vibrant, healthy parents?!  They're just kids no one wants, right?

Thank heavens China weeds out slugs like this.  I feel sorry for the kids.  They're lucky they have such a compassionate and perceptive nanny.

ETA: The connection between obesity & addiction:

http://www.nida.nih.gov/NIDA_Notes/NNVol...

Answer 9

as long as they can give them the necssities, it is up to the children to leave when they are older.

Answer 10

Just between you and me, it is not your business that they adopted. My mom was 30 but my dad was 50 when they adopted me- and my dad was a wonderful father- so you are saying that young parents make better parents- not true. They are selfish? Don't think so- obviously the adoption agency did not think so either

Answer 11

Wow...if it bother's you so much stop collecting a paycheck and quit. No one is forcing you. Sheeeesh.....what next?

Short people can't parent tall kids?  LOL

Answer 12

I don't understand why people have children naturally or adopt just to hire a nanny to care for them. It makes little sense to me.

Answer 13

I think you know the situation in that household better than all of us put together.

It sounds like those children are very lucky to have such a concerned nanny. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about their parents, but you can help the kids by caring for them (as you obviously have been doing).

Answer 14

Well, I look at it this way.  My parents (biological) would have been about the ages of these parents when they had me.  Unless a judgement could be made that older biological parents are being selfish by having biological children, I can't see how you can make that judgment of adoptive parents.

ETA: Yes, as a matter of fact, losing my father when I was a teenager WAS hard.  But a death of a parent is hard at any age.  I certainly don't dwell on the unfairness of having older parents.

Answer 15

Its better for the children to have two fat old people loving them then no one....

*****ETA: I actually had a very obese aunt... She was in the 400lbs and they adopted my cousin at 3 yrs. Later when I was pregnant with my first and the first of that generation My 400lb aunt was on some diet.... and lost about 100lbs.... Later she had horrible stomach pain and was rushed into the hospital where at the age of 42 she gave birth to my 11lb cousin.... I also have a brother who is 30 years younger then me and an uncle 2 years younger then I am.... In my family it is normal to have More Kids later.....

Answer 16

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. 40’s and 50s is hardly elderly. Not when people are living into their mid to late 80’s, into their 90’s and a few into their 100’s.

It’s unfortunate they aren’t on a healthy path but that can be changed. Lets face  it you can have someone who is 27 and 32 who are severely overweight. As said there are other unhealthy lifestyles.

If the father( or mother) was young and completely healthy something could happen to him, he could be in auto accident and be killed. Could be having surgery for something and die, it happens.  A person could just be at the wrong place at the wrong time like that poor father who killed at Wendy’s a few weeks ago.  

Lets look at (young) children whose father was a police officer and he was killed in the line of duty. Or lets just say their mother was hit by a car and died. The emotional aspect of losing a parent at such a young age would be pretty much the same  if the father of the kids you are a nanny for died due to a heart attack due to an unhealthily lifestyle.

All responsible parents make plans for their kids in case they die before the child turns 18.  Sadly this happens often for a numerous of reasons regardless if the parents are older or younger, in prefect health or have health issues.

If you worry about them maybe you can encourage Family activates, a brisk walk after meals, get out and play with the kids prior to dinner or after dinner. Find good healthy meals and suggested it to the family.  "Mrs.  Baker, i recently found this tasty recipe and wanted to share it with you."

Answer 17

Well personally I dont believe thats your call. I think you need to focus on your nanny job and keep your opinions to yourself.

Answer 18

One poster states that any child can be born into this.  That is true.  Any child can be born to sexual abusers, alcoholics, a wife-beater, someone living under a bridge, someone who has less than 3 months to live due to cancer or someone with a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia, as well.  

However, with adoption, there is at least an attempt to place children in homes where less desirable attributes do not exist.  (I know people who have been adopted by people who fit most  of the above examples -- no one with 3 months to live and no bridge-dwellers.)

The point is, just because someone can be born into it doesn't mean it's best that someone be adopted into it.

Answer 19

My amom died when I was 14. I am now 30 and I still cry over that loss. No child should loose a parent and adopting when you are that old increases the chances of just that, IMHO.

Answer 20

I think what you are asking is very discriminatory, a child can be born into a situation like that.  All that truly matters is that the children have loving homes, think about the alternative!

What does weight or age have to do with anything?

What about celebrities?  Some have been obese, aged, and the list goes on and on!

How dare you pass judgement on someone like that!

If you feel that way, maybe you should other employment!

Answer 21

I completely disagree with you.   All adoptive parents must have a physical to determine whether they are in good health, prior to the adoption.   While obesity increases the chance for certain medical conditions to develop, not every obese person is unhealthy, just as not every person who smokes will develop lung cancer.

Incidentally, I was born (a bio child) to my parents when my father was 53, and my mother was 42.    They lived to ages 98 and 80, respectively, and I was in my 30s/40s when they died.  They were wonderful, active parents in every way.  There is no reason that older parents should not adopt, if they are in good health.

EDIT:  I suspect the real prejudice here is not against older parents, but has to do with the fact they are obese.  Shame on you!

Answer 22

well to me it depends on the childrens point of veiw. Most likely, they wouldn't mind living with an old grandma, as long as it was someone. As for the couple, I dont think they did it for their own benefit, so they are not being selfish. I think htey just wanted a little more love and care in their lives.

Answer 23

I think you just suffer from fat phobia.  Grow up.  Many obese folks live to their 80s and some even older than that.  Many thin folks die of lung cancer in their early 60s.  Oh, and let's not forget the jogger who was getting healthful exercise last week during the nice weather.  He's dead now. Got hit by a car. Left 4 kids.

Is it selfish that they adopted?  Apparently, many people in our society think it is selfish for women over 40 to have any children, naturally or otherwise.

Answer 24

typically one of the requirements of adoption is you can't have a BMI of .... so ussually really obese people can't adopt. I think the age shouldn't be a huge concern. I know two single older women who adopted children, about 4 & 5 years old. Both of them are very healthy, both of them love their children very much. one of these women actually adopted two boys. anyway, i think it should have more to do with their health rather then age.