What's your opinion on this and what would you do?

Question

I am very confused at the moment...I just got engaged and my fiance and I are planning a very small garden wedding, about 30 persons total, we don't have enough money to have a big wedding. On our guest list we just have immediate family members and close friends. My mum is upset that some family members are not included and says she won't be coming if they're not invited. I told her that she could contribute to the wedding and then we'll invite those, she said no that my fiance and I have to do it on our own and do the right thing. I'm really frustrated and think I might just call the whole thing off and have a destination wedding with just my fiance and I

Answer 1

I agree you were right to tell her to contribute if she wants you to have a big wedding you can't afford. I think if you want friends and family there then just do what you and your fiance want. You shouldn't have to worry about what everyone else wants. She's mother.. Maybe she'll get over it and come anyway. But if you don't really care if anyone is there then girl go to a nice destination and get married on the beach or something and start the honey asap lol.. It's your day sweetie!

Answer 2

Your only other option would be to have a potluck or other inexpensive reception. However, unless you're doing a really expensive reception then you're being perfectly reasonable in not toning it down to invite more people.  

Answer 3

if you are getting that much feedback then a destination wedding may be right.

Or have the wedding you want and let your mother regret not going!  

Answer 4

You can call those family members yourself and explain to them how your budget is limited. By-pass your mom and talk to them directly. Then if she throws a stink-fit, you can say you already talked to so-and-so and they're fine with it.

Answer 5

Well, not to be rude but if your mom wants to do the right thing, she should be the one paying for it. Tradition is that the brides parents pay for the wedding. I would suggest do what you want because it is your money and if your paying for it (like you moms says you should) then you do what you want.

And I do not know your mom, but would she really not attend your wedding? I hope she is bluffing, so call her bluff and do what you want and can afford!

Good Luck=)

Answer 6

I think your mother is being very unreasonable.  If you want this garden wedding, have it and have what you want and what you can afford.  If your mother does not like it or agree with it, then she doesn't have to go.  If she don't go, don't worry about it.  She's the one who's being ridicules. This is your mother, she should understand your situations and want to help you. But, not all mother are alike.

Answer 7

stick to your guns.  set a precedent that you will not be walked all over by your parents or your fiance's, or anyone.  once your mom realizes she's going to miss your one and only wedding over a stupid argument, she'll either attend without the other family members, or she'll cough up the $$ you need to be able to invite them.  take the high road and tell her you're sorry but you offered her a solution so those people could be invited, and instead of her helping you she is being petty and rude.

Answer 8

I agree with the other posters that you are "doing the right thing" by only having a wedding and inviting guests that you can afford.  If your (or his) parents want input on the guest list then they need to help out financially.

I think it is very responsible of you to plan a small wedding because that is what you can afford. So many people go wedding crazy and go into debt for their unnecessarily large weddings.  I think you are being very sensible and your mom needs to let go and deal with it. I also think it's very unfair that your mom is getting so upset over a wedding - it's just one day - and threatening not to come.  That is such a mean-spirited thing to say/do.

I think you should just keep your plans the way they are and tell your mom to grow-up.  And that what she is saying about missing your wedding is very hurtful.

Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 9

Aaaaa weddings, aren't the bliss?  Well the answer is no - they're not all bliss.  It's amazing how family members can make brides feel like the wedding day is supposed to be about THEM instead of about the couple.  Don't let anyone make you feel like it's about them.  This day is about the two of you, not anyone else, but especially when no one is offering to help you pay!  Your mom is just talking tough.  I guarantee you if you stick to your guns & just play it all kind & nice with her that she'll be there.  No mother could stay away.  If I were you, I would take my mom out to lunch and just say "Mom, I love you and I can understand your point of view on us not inviting all of the relatives but because we're paying for everything, we can only afford to have a very small wedding.  Most people will understand that.  And if they can't, then what kind of family does that make them?  All they should care about is that we're happy, in love, and honoring each other on this day - that's it.  Now if you'd like us to have a bigger celebration that includes everyone, I'd welcome the opportunity for you to host & pay for large wedding party after we get back from our honeymoon.  But if not, I understand just please try & understand where we're coming from.  If you feel like this is enough to warrant you not attending our wedding, then I will be sad but that's your choice.  We're keeping our plan to have a very small, intimate wedding out of necessity."  

Answer 10

You know the right answer, because you told her what you thought!  And you were right... if she was contributing, then she has a say over what guests are invited.  Unfortunately, with your limited budget, you cannot invite everyone you would like.  Only do a destination wedding (and it sounds more like elopint to me) if that's what YOU want.  You can only be responsible for your own actions, and your mother can only be responsible for hers.  If she feels so slighted as to refuse to come to your wedding, that is her decision, and hers alone.  Let her deal with the consequences.

Answer 11

mom is being really stubborn right now

its your day your money your budget and she has to respect that

you probably already feel bad that u cant have a big wedding

but mom has 2 stop bringing you down

talk to your fiance because after all your marrying HIM not MOM

shes making it about herself  

Answer 12

well tradition says the father of the bride pays for the wedding!

if your mother wants to miss the wedding because you can't afford to do what she wants then do what you want!

yes it's hard!

I wanted a destination wedding sort of still do but I changed that because of one person!  My Grama in law! she won't get a on a plan and i don't have a gram anymore and i love my grama in law so she wanted us to do it here!  

so i felt that i could do the themed stuff in stead.. and i'm getting professional honeymoon p hoto's done!  :)

but mainly do what you want! yes it may be hard to tell others but when you look back you'll say wow what a day instead of i could of or should of....

Answer 13

Wow that is really sad. I have been hearing more and more cases like this! You are absolutely right to tell your mom that she can contribute if she wants more people there. If she doesn't go then she is very immature and will regret it but honestly I think when it comes down to it she will be there. Try to stay positive and enjoy this special time.

~MLF~

Answer 14

I would just have the wedding as you planned it. If your mum is so rude to not show up, then s***w her!  It is YOUR wedding honey!  Invite who you want to be there and can afford to have.  If your mother isn't happy with that, then she's just going to have to miss out on the most important day in her daughter's life and have to live with that. Chances are she'll come around by the day of the wedding.  good luck!  

Answer 15

You were right to tell your mom that if she wants to make the guest list bigger, she'll have to pay for it. You have two options here, either ignore her and continue on with your plans or forget the whole thing and have a destination wedding. It's really up to you because it's YOUR wedding. Good luck!