What Are Your Opinions On My Monologue?

Question

Not written the best but here it is. Its called "Forsaken"

For five hundred years I have roamed this world. For five hundred years I have been alone. Embraced by darkness and chosen by fate. For five hundred years I have been immortal. A mere shaow of existance. Not a man but a creature. A creature of the night who feeds on the blood of mortals. Some say I am a beast, a devil, an undesireable. I am damned to walk this earth for an eternity. Bound by fate and existing in nightmares. What did I do to deserve this fate? What did I do to become this... this thing! This freak! This disgrace to society. Oh God why have you forsaken me? Why have you left me behind? Oh why God? Take the very breath from my lungs, the blood from my veins. Take me from this world! (pulls dagger from pocket.) Let me live no more almighty lord! (stabs self in the heart and falls to knees) Embrace me almighty God. Pull my close to you. Embrace me... embrace me... embrace....(falls dead)

Answer 1

Who wants original monologues? No theatre person I know.  For what it is it is ok, if depressing.

Answer 2

It's ok.......I'd keep looking if I were you..

Answer 3

It's not a monologue, it's a bad poem.

Try for something that tells a story, sets a scene, establishes a character, invites an audience into a scenario, not self-indulgent, stream-of-consciousness emotional and mental vomitus.

Answer 4

I don't think your monologue is horrible, but I think it could use some major tweakage. If you want to go with the tortured soul approach, you should make it original. Maybe you could write the monologue as a vampire trying to deal with modern life (computers? cell phones? tv? oh my!) Maybe your vampire is secretly grossed out by blood... that would certainly be difficult. The vampire lamenting/committing suicide, while you have written it fairly well, is too cliche to make a good monologue. Maybe your vampire is tired of the bad rap vampires get (hey - we're just normal people... who happen to be damned for eternity!) If this is the topic you want to go with, run with it! But try to avoid cliches and over-dramatizing. Take it in a new direction - be fresh and you'll have a lot more fun and likely get a better grade.