What Choices Does This SAHM Have Open to Her?

Question

She leaves school at 18, marries.

By 20 she has two children, who she spends her time raising.

When she turns 30, the relationship begins to deteriorate, and he becomes abusive.

She has never done a days paid work, and her resume ends the same day her schooling finished. He has been, and continues to be the sole source of income for the family.

She is frightened that she cannot support the children on her own, and, over the years, simply justifies his behavior, or ignores it.

She has no money of her own, they have a mortgage which is partially paid off.

What Choices Does This SAHM Have Open to Her?

How do you feel about this situation?

Answer 1

It is very frightening to be at the mercy of such a man(as you describe) and circumstances where a person has no means of supporting herself and the kids.

That is one good reason as to why many women return to the workforce sooner, not because they are thinking ahead and assume that the marraige will turn sour, but just to be prepared for any eventuality.

After all, the woman's husband could even die in a work-related accident, so it pays for a woman to have a job of her own or a trade in which she has studied for.

Women should think ahead.

Answer 2

That was I.  What I did was take a walk alone beneath the stars and get my head straight.  To become self-sufficient, I needed an education.  So, I started taking a few nightclasses, then more and more.  I delegated most of my chores to my teenagers and their father which was good for them because they had grown fat and lazy.  I redirected my best effort into my own rising.  I worked hard.  Went without.  Got smart, got degreed, got salaried and dumped my husband's a** the day I got my first paycheck.

Answer 3

As an attorney I did many divorces for women in similar situations.  In my state I could represent them and the Court would make the husband pay for her reasonable legal fees.  The Attorney cannot front the Court costs, but they have a pauper's fee that many women in such cases qualify for.  If there is a women's shelter she can go there with her children.  Her husband will have to pay spousal support until the divorce is final.  Both spouses have a legal responsibility to support each other.  

She has the time of the divorce to apply for public housing, which a social worker can help her with.  Then she may qualify for food stamps, depending on how much money her husband makes.

Also, if she presses charges against him, and there is a conviction or a nolo plea, then the abusive spouse may have to continue to pay alimony after the divorce while she gets more education.  The courts rarely order alimony, even when there is abuse, even though that is what the law clearly states they should do.  The laws are NOT gender biased towards women.  If anything they are biased against women, especially SAHMs.

Yes, the laws are gender neutral.....I know some dweeb will want to know.

This is the down side of being a SAHM.  When you get married the spouse praises your contributions.  When you are completely without resources, the abuse begins.  When you get divorced, the spouse says the SAHM is a lazy bum.

Happens everytime.

All these aids should be available from the Women's Shelter, or the local shelter for victims of domestic abuse.  However, most men are not SAHDs.  If they are abused, they can more easily walk out of the marriage, because they have an income.  But the abused SAHM or SAHD is completely without help.  That is why they need centers to help them.

Answer 4

I have nearly stopped thinking about this because it is too common. Seems as though maybe by now people could learn from the mistakes of previous generations but instead they ignore the obvious and live it themselves. Never mind the abuse, that is a whole different subject but what I am getting to is.... that men really do get tired of ENTIRELY taking care and providing financial support for the ladies in their lives. I believe people in relationships in this decade are really expecting more of a partnership rather than a ball & chain. That goes for anyone that is a handicap to the success of a relationship Male or Female.

Answer 5

While I feel it is best all people go to college and have some work experience, it is simply not reality or even necessary in society...unless we begin four year degrees for running a cash register, sweeping floors or moving furniture.  Though job experience is easily possible.

Here are her options based on her skills and experience:

Cook

PreSchool/Nursery teacher (dependent on your state)

House cleaning

Bus/Limo Driver

Cashier

Hotel clerk

Waitress

Factory jobs

I am sure there are a few I am missing and if she is willing to do training she could easily have more options (secretary, assistant to doctors, dentists, therapists, cosmologist, massage therapist, home health aide, pharmacy tech. etc.).

Answer 6

ahhh well, this is in no way is atypical.

not sure where she lives, but if she were in the states she would have many options.  none of them easy mind you, but all of them do-able.

first, immediate shelter.  there are churches, womens shelters, and various not for profit organizations that can help her to find a temporary dwelling.  beyond that she need only contact her local government offices for welfare to find section 8 housing.  she will qualify for food stamps and enough cash to make the monthly bills.  she will also qualify for government grants that will pay for college or a trade school, that includes books and other expenses.  as soon as the divorce is settled the state will make it their mission to enforce child support payments from the children's father.  they will encourage her not only to go to school but to get a job of any kind.  the state will pay for all or most childcare expenses.  none of these options are available if she does not have custody of her children with the exception of grants offered to low income individuals for school.

beyond that, she can leave her children behind with their father.  get a job, and pay child support to him.

i've likely left some things out, but that's a general overview of the options for single moms here in the states.  better than living in an abusive relationship, if you ask me.

Answer 7

"Sahm". Never heard that one before.

She obviously doesn't have too many choices. She could write a book on her struggles.

Answer 8

In this situation, she needs her family or a church. If she could have found a church and become close to them, they will probably take her under her wing. That is what our church has done for several people.

Answer 9

I take a zero-tolerance policy on abuse: if it happens, you're out of there. She should go to a shelter, or stay with a relative if she can (a better idea). That will allow her kids to be looked after while she finds a job.

Answer 10

In the past, such women had no choice but to try to find relatives to move in with or they put their children up for adoption. It was better for them than to have social workers come and take their children away.

Answer 11

Due to the abuse the situation sucks but the woman has many options.  She has a HS diploma so she can work, retail and in some areas as an office assistant, she can accept a lower standard of living and strike out on her own.  In the US there are programs to aid with childcare expenses, Head start offers affordable daycare, there's WIK and other food programs, etc.

Answer 12

She needs people that she trusts. Something else to; she should play up to her talents; the tunnel doesn't close till have the last breath is snuffed out.