What Did I Do Wrong??

Question

Throughout my life that question has been in the back of my mind. My Dad hasn't ever been the type to express emotions, ever... except for when he is angry.

My Dad doesn't tell me he's proud of me, or even that he loves me very often. The last time he told me those was when my cousin had a baby, and he told me he was proud that I hadn't gotten pregnant at 17.

He's not that involved in my activities either, I play tennis, and when he was there to take pictures, he took two of me... out of twenty.

I have a little sister now (I am ten years older), and it's hard to see him interact with her because he's totally different then he was with me, and is now. He'll play with her, and he hugs her all the time, shows her he loves her, and is just plain happy when he's with her.

I don't know what I did wrong. I don't want to just be my Dad's 'friend', I'm supposed to be his daughter... what happened to daddy's little girl? Why didn't it ever exist?

Better yet, what can I do to fix it?

Answer 1

Show your dad love first, before bed go in his room and kiss him good night etc. maybe he will get the message.

Answer 2

Ten years is a long time. Apparently your father wasn't ready to be a father when you came along and he mellowed out after a decade. That's what happens, its normal. So you can opt for an age appropriate relationship with him, and stop concentrating on what you didn't get.  

Answer 3

I agree with tjnstlou... Ten years is a lot of time to mellow out and mature.

The only things I would add is that maybe your Dad is in a financially better position now and thus has less work related stress and more to give his family emotionally.

You can still bond with your Dad, start with inviting him to one on one lunches, let him get to know you. If he likes golf learn to golf ask him to teach you. For example.

He might even feel some guilt which could prevent him reaching out now.  

Answer 4

You didn't do anything wrong. I've noticed sometimes parents just aren't as involved with their kids when they are little and then when they realize what they are missing, it's too late to be the way they think they should be. Part of it might be shame that he hasn't been there like he should have been.