Question:

What Do I Do About This (Former) Friend?

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I have a question of some import to me and I was wondering if I could have your help. I will try to be as descriptive as I can be about the situation.

I was friends with this individual (not boy/girlfriend, just friend) for about 2 years. We would call each other every day (sometimes more than once) and we would visit each other at least once a week during vacations from school. We were in the same classes at college, so we saw each other every day, worked on group projects together, and travelled home together.

For a particular reason (which is not relevant to the story here, so I won't mention it), she decided in January that she did not want to be my friend anymore. We went until April not speaking to each other (although, having received the approval of my other group members, she did work on some group assignments with us). In April, she apologized to me and said let's be friends again and we can have a wonderful summer experience together. After exams, we went to our favourite cafe, ordered drinks, and drew up a summer schedule of fun things to do together.

Unexpectedly, two weeks later, she met a boyfriend at her summer job. So, we ended up having to throw out the summer schedule that we drew up together two weeks earlier.

She works at a small, quiet restaurant, on Saturdays and Sundays in the summer, so I would pop in during May and June, during her shift to see her and visit for an hour or two.

In late June, she - out of nowhere - told me that she resents my contact with her and that I am intolerable to be around! She would also ignore me when I visited her by reading a book or talking on the telephone (yes, even though she was at work!). After a moment, she apologized and said that she didn't mean it. I said that I accept her apology.

For the next two weeks, I would visit her on the weekends at her work and, one evening while her boyfriend was temporarily out of town, we went out walking downtown together.

However, after that meeting, I started thinking about how much I resented her telling me that I was "intolerable" to be around. I decided to not visit her anymore at her work and avoid all contact with her.

That was in mid-July. Today, in late August, she telephoned me. I don't want to pick up the phone, because I know what she wants: School is starting next week and she wants to "make nice" so that I can help her with her schoolwork (English is her second language), or lend her my class notes, and allow her to join my groups in classes. I think this is using me and I don't like it.

On the other hand, I don't want to burn bridges and I think maybe I will need her in the future.

What should I do: "Make nice" and answer her phone call and risk being used or ignore her and risk burning a bridge.

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3 ANSWERS


  1. she's manipulative. that frenemy of yours. honestly she's manipulative, i'd rather hang out with friends who are temperamental but wouldnt go to the extent of hurting my feelings by rejecting my friendship. she's a ******. let go.

    if that sounds extreme, try being civil without becoming too chummy.


  2. Answer her phone call and have a pleasant conversation. Gradually pull back from contacting her. As for her actions, it seems that this is drama you don't need. If she confronts you about it, tell her that you feel jerked around. I don't want to sound harsh, but it sounds like you're her back up plan. I mean, you had the whole summer planned out and as soon as she met a boyfriend, she ditched you. And now that school is starting, she suddenly wants to be friends so she can have help.

    Good luck.

  3. is not worth it..honestly.

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