What Do I Do? (Adult Child living at home) Part 2?

Question

This is the 2nd part of my question. My first question is here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgADeSBeLDTY8ZpFJYqrXAfsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080905191033AAkjdKp

Now I'll elaborate. I have charged my son rent, gas, water, food, etc and he has paid it all. He even offers to give me money if I requested it. He is a good boy. I have even looked around for apartments and homes for him to rent but he makes excuses to not go see them. He has his own car and pays for it. He doesn't bring women home in all hours of the night and treats our house like a hotel. He doesn't do that. He comes home during regular hours. The problem is is that he doesn't want to move out of the house. Maybe he feels so comfortable with us (his parents) that he doesn't want to give that up. I even told him, that if he stayed in his own place, he can come visit anytime.

Any more constructive advice?

Answer 1

Get your husband on your side first (or at least an agreement that he won't try undermining you), then sit down with your son and set a firm deadline (I'd recommend 3-6 months) for his move-out date.  Don't do the apartment hunting for him; it'll just reinforce the desire to not take more responsibility than he has to.  It's okay to want the house back to yourself after twentysomething years, and if he's as good and responsible a "kid" as the rent-paying and respect for the house rules suggest, he'll adapt to the new situation just fine.  You just need to give him a firmer nudge out of the nest.

Answer 2

Now that I think about, he may want you to move out. LOL h**l, your house may be way more nicer than any apartment he might find. LOL

I would say give him what he wants if you want your privacy. =) He's already paying all the bills. Yeah, definitely move out.

Answer 3

I can only repeat again that allowing your son to live at home will encourage him not to accept all the responsibilities as an adult that he should and is a normal part of growing up.

God Forbid when the time comes and you and your husband have passed away. I seriously doubt Jr will be able to cope with living on his own and will either wind up in a loonie bin or eating a bullet.

Answer 4

I know it is a hard thing to make a decision about but if you are unhappy with your son staying with you then you will have to move.  You have a good son and you don't want to hurt  his feelings I guess but just think about your feelings.  Other than moving it seems you have tried everything else.  It is your call. Just be prepared because your son is going to be really upset at the fact that you have moved out because he won't leave. It will seem like a form of rejection because you would rather leave the comfort of your home than to live with him.  That is the way he might see it.  He seems to need the security of both of you.  

Good luck and I hope it works out for the best.

Answer 5

if  your son doesn't learn to live on his own, he will be able to accept the responsibilities of a grown man =]

Answer 6

Look, I don't know why you have such a problem with this.  Yes, he's a good boy, but he's not!!  HE"S A MAN!!!

Tell him, for his own good, that he has 60 days to move out.  That you love him, want the best for him, so that's why he has to go.

THAT"S IT!!!!  What's the big deal??