Question:

What Do You Think Of this..?

by  |  earlier

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Even the blades of grass,

Torment my toes.

Before my hollowed eyes,

An ebony rose.

Inside my sunken fist,

A clump of my hair,

Yet there’s no where to run,

From those consuming stares.

I’d sink inside my soul,

If I could stomach my own heart.

I’d hide away beneath my skin,

But I’d never know where to start.

It contorts.

It burns freely in my shattered thoughts.

It consumes.

This depression.

Its there.

A different person,

A million voices.

Each with a different glare.

Around each corner,

On a different wall.

A different mirror,

And further I fall.

It’s drowning me,

Drawing me in.

Blooming…

As the wonderland fades…

Well.

Don’t you see?

The looking glass,

It’s broken.

…

I need critisim, but be nice :)

My first poem really.

So tell me what you think..

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3 ANSWERS


  1. Good poem, but stay away from the rhyming.  Some of the best poems don't rhyme.  I've always been told to "show" and not "tell" in my poetry.  Make sure you have lots of imagery.  You might even use similies, metaphors, assonance, alliteration, or juxtaposition.  Good luck with your future poetry!


  2. honestly i thought it was really good.

  3. Its really great 9/10

    keep up the good work!

    will you rate mine

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