What IS Wrong with My Brother's Reasoning?

Question

He's been dating this girl 3 years older than him with a 10 year old son. Her ex was abusive and still is in contact with her daily by phone or seeing his son on weekends, and still going through a bitter custody battle for 8 years.

Her brother is a gambler and spends every penny and has ran his sister and himself in major debt talking close to the million range. And he asks my brother for money and is forcing his sister to marry my brother.

Now. my brother has no debt, no kids, was not married, and yet plays in the terrible drama with her and her brother. My brother lives under the girl's roof and pays her rent, fixes her home and cooks for her. Now, the brother comes and spends the night at his sister's home only when he comes begging my brother for money.

Every time he comes to our family he is upset how his girlfriend is being used by her brother, and other problems. My brother knew these problems 2 months into dating her, and we told him they were both bad news.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BROTHER? He's 40..

Answer 1

It's a pretty common tendency for men to want to fix things for those they love, and sometimes it can have disastrous consequences. It sounds like your brother just has a big heart and he really wants to help someone he genuinely loves, but he's gotten himself into a mess. I would try to have a sort of 'intervention' with him. Getting him to see a counselor, therapist, or some other type of mediator with you would probably be helpful.

Try to explain clearly but tactfully that you're really concerned about the situation he's gotten himself into, and that you don't want him to get taken advantage of. You can show you're wanting to help rather than accuse him of being an idiot by suggesting a course of action for him to take if he does want to commit to this woman. (i.e. sign a pre-nup, make it clear that his brother-in-law will NOT be getting ANY financial support from him, she needs to suck it up and prove she can straighten things out with her ex, etc.)  Hopefully that will encourage him to take a step back and make some decisions about the situation he's in, and whether or not it's beyond repair.

Hope this is a good starting point for you to help him out - good luck!

Answer 2

wow sounds like ur bro is insecure

Answer 3

Your brother needs to see a professional therapist  to help him understand how and why he is taking an active role in this families' dysfunction.  

Your family should treat your brother with respect but also should encourage him to seek out help to understand his motivations.

There is not a simple solution to this situation unless your brother is willing to walk away...quickly!

Answer 4

Don't know what's wrong, but I think you should talk to him and find out.