What If This Happened To You....?

Question

You've been married for 4 months.

Whenever you want to go visit your parents for the weekend, your husband keeps making excuses why you can't go (we can go together but I can't go alone).

You call him up one Friday and tell him that you've decided to finally go see your parents.

He says 'If you dare to go to see your parents, then don't bother coming back'.

What would you do if this happened to you?

Answer 1

Have you cheated on him in the past? Does he have a reason to be this jealous? If not, then I would get out of the relationship, but if you have done something to take away his trust, too bad, you have to put up with that until you earn his trust back

Answer 2

Be patient. I understand that of course you need your parents and they need you . It is necessary to talk with your husband in a nice manner and try to find out why it is that he doesn't want to let you visit your parents . If you think that this is a touchy talk then just try to ask him when CAN you go if not this particular weekend. Another option is if your parent's circumstances allow them to come see you instead just as a temporary solution but of course it is not the permanent solution.You definitely need to have a calm discussion with him .I hope this is of any help to you. Good luck . It is a hard situation to be in but just do what you feel is right .

Answer 3

I'd pack my things and leave and never come back. I wouldn't let anyone control me and restrict me just because he's not in my company. Obviously he's insecure, but that's his problem, not yours. Don't let him control your life or what you choose to do. If he's doing that now, then it will only get worse and worse as time goes on.

Answer 4

Tell him they're my parents and I'll see them if I want to.  From what you've stated he doesn't have a logical reason as to why he doesn't want you to go alone other than a control issue.  Try and sort things out, and certainly don't let him tell you what you can and cannot do!

Answer 5

Go see your parents anyway. If he really loves you he will be there when you come back.  If he wants to divorce you over seeing your family, do you really want to be with him any way?  Don't let him rule your life!

Answer 6

Leave him it can only get worse from here on out.He is trying to control you and if he is like this now you can imagine what it will be like down the road.

Answer 7

He seems like a control freak who wants no part of sharing his relationship with you or you sharing your relationship with your parents. You have been a part of your parents life longer than you have been with him and you must never allow him to erase your parents out of your life. How is his relationship with HIS parents? He seems so immature in denying to be a part of one big family that he inherited by marrying you. Explain to him that parents do cherish time alone with their children and it has nothing to do with him.

Answer 8

Well he's way out of line to be trying to control what you want to do and threatening you.  He's threatening you because that's the only way he knows to get his feelings across and try to control the situation, and that's dead wrong.

However, I can see his point of view because I feel the same way -- why can you not go together?  When my husband and I go to visit our parents, we always go together as a family.  When you marry, you forsake all others -- you leave your parents and cling onto your spouse.  You and your spouse should be going to visit your parents together and I don't see why you need to be going without him.  

Also, you say "Whenever you go" but that you've only been married 4 months?  How often do you go and spend the weekend at your parent's house?  Do you live too far away to just make day trips or something?  Why not consider moving closer so you can go see them for more frequent visits that are not so long and not overnights.  Either that, or resolve to go stay over there a bit less.

Anyway, I just think you should reconsider going without him.  He is your husband, and the two of you shouldn't be doing anything to make one another unhappy.  Let it be known to him that he's not your father though, and he needs to stop trying to be controlling and speak more calmly and appropriately.  You're married now, time to talk like adults in your relationship and not abuse one another.

Good luck.

Answer 9

girl whatever.. forget him.. that's a clear sign that he wants to control you. you are a grown woman who is capable of making your own decisions. who the heck is he to tell you what you can do and what you can't do? He is not your father! So you go girl and never look back.. a real man would never make you chose between anyone/anything and your parents, the very people that brought you into this world! be blessed!

Answer 10

I would leave. it's that simple. He would not keep me away from my family period. That is called being controlling and I wouldn't put up with. besides if i was only married for 4mo. then I can walk away the process of getting a divorce is much easier than if i would have been married for years.  

Answer 11

Seriously?  I would think my parents have something on him that he's afraid they will tell you, unless he is there to redirect conversation.

I would get on the phone (preferably a friends, so he can't tell that you called them) and ask them what THEY think.

He sounds like a MAJOR control freak, and I would look into an annulment.

Hope there are no children involved/on the way.

Oh, and I would go, then NOT come back.

Just what I would do, myself, though.  

What rational adult, needs someone telling them that they can't see their own family???

Answer 12

Go see your parents. And dont spend the whole weekend on the phone with him trying to work this out.

Then, explain to him that:

Adults can have different relationships with different people. You can visit with your parents and not be loving him any less.

Marriage is a partnership, in which you are equals. He cannot dictate whom else you DARE to see.

The house is 50% yours. Is he filing for divorce because you chose to see family? Well if that difference is irreconcilable, you may regretfully have to agree, and sign.

If he did not mean his threat (daring you, and stating consequences, is threatening) then he needs some anger management, at least. Perhaps as a supportive wife you will consider marriage counselling with him.

Seriously, put the ball back in his court. From your side of this story, he is looking like a controlling @ss. If he wishes to discuss his side, talk to him, but if not, do not just submit to this because wife beaters start out isolating their wives from family and support, verbal and emotional abuse, and then only later does it get really out of hand. And no, I dont mean your husband is plotting to become a wife beater... this is just how the pattern begins and even with the best of intentions it IS a pattern that grows that direction if not halted.

Answer 13

wow.  something is wrong with husband.  why can't you go visit your parents alone if he doesn't want to come along?  he has control issues.  now it's your parents, next would it be your friends and work?

think long and hard before any kids come into the picture

Answer 14

Sounds like 2 adults playing childish games.  It also sounds as tho communication is not a strong factor in your relationship.

Answer 15

if thats it, like theres no other reason for him not letting you go. then i see it as theres two options

1. go anyway and come back cuz he shouldnt force you to stay

2. listen to your husband and just stay home. talk it out how you really want to go and how hes being unfair

Answer 16

I would probably ask him what his grounds are for making that decision for you.  Then call him a butt tell him you want to see dinner on the bar be que when you get back.

Answer 17

A lot of problems can be fixed by asking "why?".  You need to figure out the underlying reason that he doesn't want you going.  What issues does he have with your parents?  You need to ask for some kind of explanation for such a dramatic response.  Get him to explain himself, and why he reacted so poorly.  If he is often demanding you to not do normal activities (visit family, go out w/friends of both sexes, exercize, talk on the phone, wear certain clothes)  he sounds like he is trying to put too much control over you in an unhealthy manner.  If this is so, I would consider marriage counseling and a possible trial separation.

Answer 18

Id annul the marriage immediately, because he is a maniac and super controlling.

You do not need his approval to visit parents. Just go. If he has the locks changed, go to the cops and make them force hubby to give you keys, and then l annul the marriage the nerxt day if you want a fiught., DO NJVER AGAIN have s*x or sleep with hiomn or do anything with or for him, from shoppuing top coojkingl,. cealing, etc...DO NOTHING FOR THE CREEP>

If he screams and fights and threatens, go to a woman's shelter and heolk them help you get a criminal order of protection against him so he can't return home, and then annul the marriage.

He is insane.

Answer 19

I would stay home with my husband.   My commitment is to my husband not to my parents.   I made vows to let no one come between us that even means parents.   This is about maturity.   Leave and cleave.  

There needs to be better communication between the two of you...if you want to visit your family and he insists on being there then sit down and schedule a good time for both of you to visit.   Make this a win-win.   Strive for that in the future.   If you keep a win-win attitude you will create a win-win marriage.  

Take the mature approach in this - you are a married woman...not a child...not independent..it's no longer "me"...it's "we"  and from this day forward you must think that way.   The "me" left when you decided to marry.   You are a married couple and both people must be considered when making decisions.  

Good Luck

Answer 20

whats his problem with your parents??

i would go... s***w that he cant dictate if you can see you parents or not..

if they dont live far away and it isnt going to cost hundres of dollars to go visit them then it should be up to you when you get to see your only family..

Answer 21

I would need a very good explanation from my husband on why he would bahve that way. Its one thing if he's not keen on your folks but forbiding you to see them is cruel and controlling. And threatening you is purely mean. There's something underlying here and you need to demand an answer from him. Its inappropriate to set boundaries on who your spouse can or cannot see in that context.

Answer 22

You are lucky you have been married to him for only four months.  Leave him right away and don't look back.  He is a control freak.  He is going to ruin your life.  Get away from him before it is too late.  That is what I would have done if I were in your situation.  Get help from your parents.

Answer 23

I feel like there is information being left out.

Does your husband have issues with your parents/family members?

Personally, I would go. Your husband seems to have control issues. I don't know what type of relationship the 2 of you have. There are some men that don't wish their wives to see their families because it undermines THEIR influence over you.

When you get back home, if he doesn't let you back in, you know where your relationship stands.

Answer 24

OMG...girl you need to end that quick......reason....I got married and I mean almost immediately he tried to stop me from talking to my friends and my family unless he sat there next to me to listen or he would listen on the other phone....reasoning? he had the right to know what was going on in my life and what was said since he was now my husband.....he even stopped me from calling and going to see my parents and or family unless he comes and he also said you go I won't be here when you come back......well I went and this was 3 weeks into the marriage.....anyway I went and I called the house 4 times and he answered I asked why are you there? I thought you were leaving he said I am I said ok can you hurry so I can come home? he didn't leave till I didn't come home for 3 days....my neighbor called me to say he was packing his car so I was relieved....when I finally went home it was tore up he was looking for a reason to leave so he had pictures of me and my best friend (male)  all over the bed....so I laughed and was happy to be free of that nightmare so honey please please go to your parents and don't go back let him leave a man like that is not going to change....you are better off without him.....good luck and God bless you

Answer 25

well the way i see it...is there is NO man that will ever stop me from seeing my parents!  It doesn't matter he clearly does not respect your feelings or wishes.  This should give you a look into the future and how it just may be later on!  I'd tell mine fine good bye  

Answer 26

There has to be some underlying reason why your husband doesn't want you to go visit your parents, other than the fact that he doesn't want to spend the weekend without you.  You need to sit down and discuss this with him and ask him what his reasons are.  Threatening you is no way for him to handle the situation.

Answer 27

Why couldn't I go alone? If there was some practical reason as to why we had to go together (i.e., I didn't have a driver's license), I would work on removing this obstacle (getting a license, for example). It wouldn't be my husband's fault if I was so dependent on him I couldn't take a trip alone if he wasn't able to go.

If I couldn't go alone because he "wasn't allowing me", he wouldn't be my husband. Period.

Answer 28

Talk really sweetly to him and just ask what's wrong. Is he worried? Joke and say - do you just not want to share me?! If he starts getting bulshy i would warn him and make a point of the fact that they brought you up and you have commitments to them. Describe my love to them and tell him that if you can't see your parents then you can't see him. It takes two to tango....

Answer 29

Wow....I don't know too many people that would be comfortable or happy w/ their wife/husband going away for the weekend.  I assume you both work, so the weekend is the only real time you get to spend together.

He said he would go w/ you right?  But you can't go alone?  Simple, take him with you.  I think that is OK and simple.

I think he is right but I don't think he should be talking to you that way.  He should learn to express himself better.

Answer 30

I would ask for an explanation. Marriage is about trust and honesty and you both need to keep that line of communication open.

If he still doesn't give you a legitimate answer, then he's being childish and there may be some deeper, control issues going on here. Talk it over. Maybe even go to talk to someone  But if he is controlling you, you need to leave that relationship asap.

Answer 31

I would think about how your parents are more important then any man especially seeing as there is no GOOD reason for a husband to not want you to visit with your parents alone. And he had the nerve to tell you if you went, dont come back? I know it is easier said then done but if I were you I would weigh out the pros and cons of your husband and if the cons out weigh the pros...you deserve better! Good luck