What On Earth is This About?

Question

Just when you think people can't get any nastier . . .

I'm a member of an adoptee support forum referred to in this person's answer and it's a lifeline to me. I ADORE MY ADOPTIVE FAMILY.

My adoptive father is dead. He died when I was still just a child and I miss him every single day. I find this kind of tripe extremely hurtful and offensive.

Why do some adoptees put SO much effort into trashing adoptees who have the a natural wish to connect with their original families and why is it automatically assumed that those of us who do hate our adoptive families.

Isn't it possible that we can love our families AND want a connection to our roots?

I'm utterly disgusted.

QUOTE "I do not think you have anger issues at all, and that site "adult adoptees" is for angry adoptees, who want their adoptive parents dead, so they can fulfill their lives - yada yada yada. . ."END QUOTE

Answer 1

That is sick.  My adoptive mother passed away three years ago and I miss her terribly.  How dare someone say something so vile and hurtful.

Wanting reform in adoption, and recognizing that some people who are involved in adoption are improper in their approaches, by no means suggests that I hate my aparents or want them dead.  That's just sick.

Answer 2

As a member of "THAT SITE" I have to say that I have seen some feather ruffling between members and what amazes me is that is all smooths over and they go back to supporting one another. Hummm sounds like a pretty good support system to me. They even let in old "pre" crackwhores like myself. You know the ones who gave away their children and never looked back. Some people simply do not understand what a good support system is. They don't understand how you can voice such different opinions on things and still have respect for one another.

They also think that everyone had exactly what they had a happy adoption. They have no insight to how the other half lived and do not accept the fact that not all adoptive parents are loving. Just like not all first mothers are crackwhores.

By the rest of this persons answers to almost all of the questions lately,it seems they are just having a little hurtful fun at other peoples expense.

I wonder why their here?

Answer 3

People on this board have been absolutely nasty lately.

I have never understood why people think that first families should disappear, as if they don't exist.

It's so frustrating that I can't even put it into words anymore.

Answer 4

I guess the same can be said for AP's who go to great lengths to make sure their adopted children's bio-family will never be in the picture, so they can "get on with their lives" as if the bio-family never existed, yada yada.

Is it anger that *some* AP's feel toward their adopted children's first families that they would cut them out of their lives?  Is it anger at their own infertility?  Perhaps this person is in a very low point in his/her life, unable to conceive a child, angry at her body's malfunctioning, angry at "god", angry that things didn't go "as planned"...and then to see a bunch of "ungrateful" adoptees throwing a wrench in her plans of the perfect adoption.

I guess I can see where all this hatred and spew comes from, though it's NOT acceptable, it is understandable.

I didn't want my a- mom to slowly die from the cancer that ate her body, I didn't want my a- dad to suffer from heart disease and die from his 4th heart attack, and all this before I was 23.

No, I didn't want any of that, I miss them terribly, 11 years later I STILL feel it like a knife in my heart, I cry for them every day.  It tears me up inside.  They were my parents and I loved them with my entire being.

But just as they could love all three of their children, I can love all FOUR of my parents...my two adoptive parents and my two biological parents.  Just as I can love my 2nd child just as much as I loved my first.  Nobody gasped in shock and horror when I became pregnant the second time, as if I could "replace" my firstborn...and it's the same with reunion.  I did not "replace" anybody.

Love is a funny thing...there are no limits to it.  It grows and grows and always makes room for more.  We can never have too much of it, can we?

Answer 5

I think its just human nature to want to know about our roots. And if you end up having a relationship with bio and adoptive families, all the better I think, especially if you have kids, means more people to love them.

Answer 6

yeah, i saw that answer. what i found interesting though was that an adoptive parent said that they go to that website and found nothing anti-adoption about it.

I have read this person's questions and answers before and there is no reasoning with them. So, i have just decided to ignore them.

Especially due to the fact they think no reforms in adoption are needed. So, i guess they feel it's perfectly okay for adoptive parents and first parents alike to be taken advantage of by some underhanded adoption agency that is not in it for the right reason. On top of that they can't understand that adoptees can have a relationship with two families. So, because they can't understand that, they spew this hatred that we all hate our adoptive parents.

Well, i hate to bust that bubble of hers, but my adoptive parents were more than supportive in helping me contact my first family. In fact, they thought it would help me understand my adoption. I'm always thankful for their support.

I have come to realize that most adoptive parents are like mine, willing to support their kids. It is just a small number like you know who, who feel that their kids or themselves do not deserve to know the truth about adoption.

I guess we all just have to band together and ignore these people who seek to tear down first mother, and adoptees who have relationships with both of their families.

there is just no reasoning with them.

eta---meerkat you can be angry at me or hate me, because i talk with my b-family. i have never told u that u should have a relationship w/ ur b-family. that is ur choice because it's ur life. why do u think u have the privlege of telling me that i don't love my adoptive parents? i do love them very much and i think u disrespect them by telling me that i dont'. are you the only adoptee that is allowed to love their adoptive parents? No one else can love their adoptive parents? i want reforms because i believe in adoption and feel that at times adoptive parents get taken advantage of too.

Answer 7

Ok perhaps they do not actually with their adoptive family dead, but they are sure as h**l full of rage.  I just don't get it at all,  it is either , or, with some people.  Just look at some of your tag names- "Healing adoptee"? No one wants an honest dialogue regarding this subject any more. No one wants to look at the big picture. I just do not understand your level of hate you have towards your adoptive parents.  You may claim you do not , yet I was a member of your site, and U have seen the gross generalization of all adoptive parents, as baby snatchers, using their money to take some one Else's child.  Give me a break ladies, you are so transparent!  Perhaps some therapy will help heal you wounds, I will pray for you all.

Answer 8

Hi Heather,

Saw that answer too.  It seems like an extreme answer.  Extreme answers loose validity with me.

I am so happy that adoptees have a safe place to support each other.  I love that website, because the focus is on adoptees.  I have popped in for visits so i knew what i was referring people to.  I was very happy with what i've seen.

As an adoptive mom, I support the site that is all about adult adoptees.

As an adoptive mom i would have problems with a site that hated all adoptive parents.  I haven't found that at this site.  Abused Adoptees have every right to hate their abusers (adoptive parents).  That is only logical.  Again I'll say as an adoptive parent i found nothing offensive about this site.

I'm an adoptive parent who supports that site.  That should say it all:)

ETA: not using the site name directly so my answer can't be deleted.

Answer 9

The individual is clearly misrepresenting adultadoptees.org, but I cannot imagine why.  Maybe they want adoptees to be quiet and be ignored?  Maybe they are trying to scare away other adoptees from supportive sites?  I'm not sure.

Like many others, I love my adoptive parents quite a lot, and have defended them against unfair attacks by people here (who claim I had a bad experience).  There are some who have lousy adoptive "parents" and are justifiably upset with them.  But the person in question is clearly just out to cause more problems.

Given the clear misrepresentation of the site, I think claims of membership by this person have to be taken with a large grain of salt.

Answer 10

I'm sorry.  People can be so cruel and I wouldn't let them get you down.  I think that adoption is such a wonderful thing.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet your biological family and it doesn't mean that you don't love your adoptive family.  You are just curious about where you came from and I am sure that your adoptive family loves you so much and would support whatever you wanted to do.

Answer 11

I just saw that thread Heather - and I'm absolutely disgusted.

(and this person calls others 'angry'!!!!)

I know very few adoptees that would wish their adoptive parents 'dead'.

The few that would were perhaps the one's that were sexually and physically abused by their a-pars (any child would hate their parents - whether bio or adoptive if such horrible things happened to them) - but it is certainly not the majority voice at that forum - by far.

In fact - most adoptees I know from there wish that they were just born to their adoptive family - so they would just completely 'fit' in.

Just about every adoptee I've met on that forum - has a heart of gold - and is more caring than many IRL people I know.

(obviously the person quoted has a heart of stone - and is more intent with hurting others to make their point known)

Sad that some people have such closed minds - and can't see what is really happening - as they are so angry within themselves to see the truth for what it really is.

Answer 12

I had Tinky Winky's love-Tubbie.

I am such a dirty tramp.