What Should I Say? Should I Say Yes To Leaving My Dad???

Question

i know it is long but please read.. i do really need some advice about this...

ok so i am 15 and tonight i got posted my results of these tests i took at school and not to be boastful or anything but i thought i did pretty well because i got A's in 3 out of 4 of my tests. so my dad came home late, and i went to tell him about what i got..

he looked at me and said well that's pretty c**p! you should of got A*'s... and he does it every time and i usually don't care what he says and i just ignore it but tonight i got really upset over it all and realized that he i am always going to be a disappointment to him..

so i was in my room, crying, when my mum walks in. i told her what happened and she gave me a hug and whispered to in my ear.. "do you think we should leave dad and go and live somewhere else?" i was completely taken back and i did not know what to say.. and i just went erm i don't know...

back story.. my mum has been a alcoholic for about 3 years now and i believe that she also has depression but she is in complete denial about all of it. as a result of this my dad is having a affair. my mum told me about it a year ago and i know it is still going on because he always gets 'called to work' at random hours and always comes home late smelling of women's perfume. he also does not know that me and my mum know about her. also it is just the 3 of us in our family because basically the whole of my mums side of the family said that my dad was too old for my mum and that he was going to divorce her.. so they.. i cant think of another word other than.. abandoned my mum and turned to whole side of her family against us (as pathetic as it sounds.) and also my dad has been physically abusive to my mum a few times and once or twice even hit me...

but anyway i just don't know what to say.. i mean i personally think that it was wrong for my mum to ask me that and put it on my mind and for her to tell me about him having a affair..

but i don't know.. i mean i could never imagine life without my dad (as weird as it sounds.)

what do you think i should say to her??

what do you think about the situation?

what would you do if you were in my shoes?

Answer 1

Wow.  I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this.  

This is what you do:  Get mom and dad together in the same room.  Tell them you get to speak first- they can answer afterwards.  Then you say these things:

"Mom, you are an alcoholic.  Get help."

"Dad, we know you are having an affair."

"If the two of you decide to split up, I prefer to live with another family member.  If that is not possible, I choose to live with my Dad because, while he has made a few bad decisions,  at least he is not a substance abuser- and that is healthier for me."

And then let them hash it out.

Answer 2

IF I WERE U I WOULD LEAVE MY DAD BECAUSE MOMS ARENT REALLY STRONG COMPARED TO A GUY ESPICALLY IF HE IS REALLY OLDER + UR DAD IS CHEATING AND SHE IS ABUSING YOURE MOM AND U SO ITS LIKE SAYING HE DOSENT EVEN CARE ABOUT U

Answer 3

ID LEAVE MY DAD

Answer 4

talk   to  them

Answer 5

Your mother is an alcoholic who drove her husband to having an affair.  Now this alcoholic woman wants to abandon her marriage and take you with her.  If she does this he can turn around and sue her for abandonment of the marriage and for denying him the of his child (you) and believe me that WILL hold up in court.  The fact that he is having an affair won't even be allowed as evidence because infidelity is not grounds for divorce in the U.S.  Your mother is going to wind up losing everything and having to pay for the divorce if she continues.  If I were in your shoes I'd stay put.  You may not like your dad right now but at least he will be able to support you as an alcoholic who wants to abandon her marriage won't be able to, the only thing an alcoholic wants to support is their habit.  

Answer 6

id leave plz dont get sucked into the cycle of abuse plz it would be heart breaking if you took on these traits im hoping you will have a better life without your dad because what you have now is no life at all.  i also dont think its safe that your mom is an alcholholic though so tell her it hurts you that she is one.  hopefully you all can put your life back together and i wish it didnt have to go this way i hope your mom can go to aa meetings or something (im not being rude i just dont think its safe for her) and you guys have been put through a lot of hurt so maybe go to counseling after you leave your dad.

Answer 7

Well girlie, you definetly got a situation on your hands. I understand that you love you dad and can't imagine not having him in your life. But at the same time do you think things would be better off if your guys did leave? You think your mom would quit drinking and be happier because she doesn't have to worry about what you dad is doing. And then for you it seems like he is not there for you and you never are good enough. And talking from experience that takes a real toll on a person after a while. You start to believe it sometimes. And then the whole thing about him being physical with both of you at some time. There is no time that it is considered ok. Once again talking from experience. It kinda sounds like your mom has been thinking about leaving your dad for a while but wants to know what you think about it. It sounds like she thinks you might be pissed with her if she just booted him out. So she's kinda letting you in on what she's thinking, hoping that whatever happens you realize its for the best and not be mad at her kinda thing. And just to let you know, people like your dad don't change very easily, if at all. And sometimes it gets worse. If I were you I would feel terrible but I would say get the h**l outta there. And then maybe your dad would realize what he's doing and straighten up. But if not, then at least you and your mom got out of a bad situation and can still talk about it and hopefully be happier.

Answer 8

When your mum asked this question she did't mean it by asking you for an answer, she is kind of talking to her loudly becuase she has this idea in her mind and no body agree with her so, it doesn't matter with her if answer Yer or No!

so try to give your father more chances may be he is not in a good realation with your mum but i am sure he loves you.

Say No to your mother and explain to her that you love your father and if you think that you dont love him at least give yourself a chance to love him or respect him.

you still young and when you grow up you will laugh on it, we all felt that we hate our parents but actually we dont.

God bless you.

Answer 9

Well, it seems both your parents have their issues. If your father is abusing your mother, though, I really think you should get out of there. Regardless of your mother's problems. Her problems can be fixed a lot easier than the abuse can. And if they wanted to get a divorce, you'd be forced to choose between them anyway, right? I just don't think your father seems like the kind of person a 15 year old girl should be around. He seems like a very dishonest person, and not a role model or a help to you at all. And I'm not saying you should forget your father completely, I mean, he IS your father, I just think it is safer that you aren't around him as this is happening. If I were you, I would leave with my mother, get her some help, and visit your father, or whatever you want to do (live with him, etc.) when the time is right.

Answer 10

i think it sounds terrible what your mother has been through. but ultimately it is her decision not yours to end this marriage. she is engaging in emotional incest by dragging you into the problems with her and your father. there are many forms of abuse going on here. she needs to find help outside of the home for her problems. i would say you need to speak to someone about finding help for your mom. this is not your responsibility and for her to make it so is wrong.