What Should I Tell My Daughter About Her Biological Father?

Question

I'm 16 with a 2 year old daughter, Kymberleigh. She is the light of my life and when I found out I was pregnant in Oct of 2005 her Father's parents talked me into getting emancipated and marrying him. We are on the verge of finalizing our divorce now. He was verbally and mentally abusive to me and I finally left him Feb 28th of 2006. Well, he started dating my ex best friend and now they are "engaged." He sent me a message on MySpace the other day and told me that he is going to sign over his parental rights of our daughter to me, so he can finish our divorce for $150. He has never sent her anything for her birthday, or any other holiday, never bothered to pick up a phone and call to talk to her or see how shes doing, but I have taken her to see him a few times since we have been seperated. I have a new fiance now, an Army Soldier who loves Kymberleigh and I to no end, and wouldn't mind her calling him "Daddy" when shes good and ready, but I'm not to sure about all of this. How do I tell her that her Daddy signed over his rights so he wouldn't have to pay child support and have anything to do with her anymore? How do you explain that to a child? I know I don't need to do it now, but in the future, this is going to rise up. Can Anyone Help Me?

This is a picture of My Daughter, Kymberleigh, and I.

http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo243/kyms-teen-mama16/KK.jpg

&& This is a picture of my Fiance, Brad, and Kymberleigh.

http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo243/kyms-teen-mama16/BK.jpg

Thank You All For Any Help That Can Be Given. =]

♥,

--Kari

Answer 1

First of all, do you and your fiance want him to relinquish his rights?  Just because he wants to doens't just get him off the hook.  You have to agree to it, too.  Unless you agree he is obligated to pay until she is 18.  If you need the money to raise her don't let him off that easy.

As far as telling your little girl.  She's 2 so she won't understand just yet.  Do not hide it from her and just let her grow up knowing Daddy isn't her biological father.  You can sugar coat it a little when she asks but for the most part be honest.  As she gets older more details can be given if you feel it's appropriate.

Answer 2

Nothing at this point just let bigones be bigones. SHe is only two don't tell her that he died or anything. My niece is 7 her bio mom just met her monday. Hadn't seen her since she was one however she got to asking around age 4 and my bro told her the truth mommy loves you but couldnt take care of you right then.

Answer 3

Be honest to your daughter. I am closer to my step-mom. who was honest to me. I don't hate my real-mom. I am just not actually close to her. You're going to have your daughter hate you for the rest of your life if you lie, or try to make up excuses. Be honest. It isn't your fianes place to help you decide. But he is correct and you're lucky he is supportive. But it all falls onto you in the end.

You shouldn't lie, and don't hold any information back. Just tell her the facts. Don't exagerate, and only answer things when she asks. You ex gave up his parental rights. Let her know that. Show her the papers. She'll be upset. But remind her that she has a family who supports her. (Best to let her discuss things with your fiance, usually at about age 7 she'll begin asking him funny questions, like did you know my birth father?, Why did you choose my mom?, etc.)kids ask hard questions, they actually have complex thought and can make decisions on their own. It's a parents job to guide them. If you lie to them they'll, lie to you, cause you did it... But if you teach them to understand things, they can make good choices in life, and express themselves more.

Answer 4

oh honey....i wish my ex-hubs would sign over his rights to the kids.  i would take him up on it in a second.

let him and move on...one day she will be old enough for you to tell her.  then you can let it be her decision.

good luck hun.

Answer 5

Wow...you're 16 with a 2 year old, in the middle of a divorce AND engaged to another man? You're still a kid yourself!! What were your parents thinking letting you get married at 14??

Anyways, to answer your question---I wouldn't tell her anything until she is older and can understand better. Eventually she will grow into your fiancee and call him daddy. My cousin had a daughter and when her & the daddy separated and he had no visitation (for personal reasons). She started dating & got married when her daughter was 2 1/2 and he was her daddy and he even adopted her. When she was about 8 they told her the truth (she was mature enough to handle it).

Good luck!

EDIT: You're daughter is beautiful and looks just like you :)

Answer 6

Well, you mentionned she was two, so if I were you I would wait until she was older.  And even better, I would wait until she asks about her daddy.  I would also tell her the truth: how you got forced into marriage, why you divorced him, etc.

Nothing builds a relationship more than trust. :)  Hope I helped, and good luck.

Answer 7

He cannot sign his rights over without a JUDGE. What he can do is allow you to have full custody and then he has to pay child support.  Unless there is an adoption taking place, he is OBLIGATED until that child is 18 to pay child support whether he has custody rights or not.

You will find a way to deal with this issue in the future if your new beau adopts your child.  Not something you need to gnaw on now.  Consider also encouraging the grandparents to maintain contact unless they have already chosen not to.

Answer 8

well just forget the reject and call him the sperm donor and this new guy if he is going to be there for you and your child then that is her daddy cuz he is the one raising her and loving her he is the one providing for her and that is what a father is the other guy all he did was donate some sperm and thats about it. I am so glad that even though you are so young you are sensible KUDOS to you. i am glad that you found a new man that will treat you and your daughter better.  

Answer 9

Wow your daughter is beautiful...

First off, you don't have to tell her anything just yet.. unless she asks really. Offering up info about a man she really isnt going to see much more of.. really would confuse the poor thing.

Hold off for a couple more years.... unless she asks - then keep it simple. Two year olds are simple thinkers.. doesnt mean they arent smart as a whip.. they just think on a simple-concrete level. Black is black and white is white... grey areas are harder to grasp at this age... so dont clutter her sweet little mind with more grown up issues..  keep it Barbie, butterflies and Princesses for now.

When she does ask or you feel like telling her - be honest, but dont use language that dis-respects the father. Tell her what he chose and let her figure out how to feel about it. Giving her thoughts of "how S****y her father was for leaving" is unhealthy. The sweet little dear is going to have a confusing set of teenage years if all she dwells on is the negative.

she's got a new father figure in her life now.. focus on that. :) You're doin good so far looks like...things will all work out.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Honestly, I'd just forget about the real father, and go on about your life with the new guy. Especially with her being so young, I'd just wait until shes older to tell her, just so she has more understanding of whats going on. You guys are so cute! My name is Kimberly... so I gotta say, love the name you gave her!

Answer 11

personally i'd wait till she's a little older to tell her about her "natural father"

maybe for her feelings tell her he was just too young to take being a father seriously..........  don't tell her it came down to money cos she may feel she's "not worth it"..

when she is older she will form her own opinions. do not lie but be very carefull how you tell her the truth..

Answer 12

one look at your photos kari---your man is her father. i wish i could talk to you privatley. all i see is a young family who loves each other.  she is so cute-----you only smile like that when you are loved.

Answer 13

That's a tough one. I am in a similar situation with my daughter and fiance. Although I'm not 16, not that it matters. I think about this question everyday, and when she is old enough I think I will tell her the truth. "Your real father and I loved eachother, but sometimes certain people cannot handle responsibility and it's not your fault."  Then explain to her how lucky she is to have your fiance that loves and adores her. Make sure he's involved as much as possible, she may not even care about her real Dad after she becomes close with him.

Hope that helps a little.