What about changing an adoptee name to help them out later in life?

Question

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2006-05/osu-ncl052306.php

The above links show that a name can really affect you in the world. Some names at times will prevent you from making it to the interview getting the apartment or even the college acceptance. Many of the kids in foster care have very orginal names that can harm them later in life. As and adoptive parent don't i have the right to protect my child and give them at least the chance at the interview. The reality is the Gucci may not be called by a fortune 500 company where Hearther might. I know that their first parents gave them that name but if I adopt i need to do what is right for them as I see fit. That is what parents do. My wife and I plan on adopting from foster care and depending on the name moving it to the middle name. Agree or disagree

Answer 1

I hope to adopt from foster care (and internationally) too.  I don't think there is anything inherently terrible about considering a name change.  However, I think a lot depends on the child's age and his/her feelings.  

For older children, I think the new parents should discuss it with them in an age-appropriate manner, without criticising their original name, and see how they feel about it.  The child could be given a choice from a list of names, so he/she has a 'say.'

For babies and toddlers, you obviously have to make the decision yourself.  I feel you should use both names (new and the original) for a while, so the child can adjust. You could perhaps even continue calling the child by his/her original name occassionally, at home.

On the whole, I think a change is fine in most cases.  However, as you said, I think the original name should be kept as the middle name.

Nonetheless, they're just my opinions as a p.a.p - I'd love to hear some adoptee's views here, too.

Best of luck!

   Stefanie

Answer 2

If the child is over 3 years old, I would not change their name.  It is part of their identity now.  When it comes time for college or a job interview, if your child has fine credentials, their name will not hold them back in this world.  Unless it's like Adolf or something.

Answer 3

Disagree.

I hear what you are saying and I've read the same studies, but I maintain that a child's name shouldn't be changed without his/her consent once he/she is old enough to know it.  

I agree with Tish, that this is more about discrimination in the workplace and teaching transracially adopted children to "conform" is sending the wrong message.  I think it goes right along with hair-straightening and skin bleaching.  All children need to be proud of their own identities, but if anything it's more important for transracially adopted children to take pride in their ethnicity as well as their identity.  

The job market will take care of itself.  Our society, though it still has far to go, has made some tremendous strides in combating racism.  My hope is by the time my children are old enough to have to deal with it, it will be a non-issue.  And if we haven't gotten that far, hopefully my children will be confident and secure adults that can deal with it.

Answer 4

OK, my name IS Heather and I don't think I got my great job or anything else in my life because my parents named me Ms , Heather Marie. I think I got my job and everything else because I WORKED FOR IT!

Answer 5

i think more people just need to realy think about the name they are choosing for their child... jsut because the name is different doesnt mean you have to give your child that name.... in some european countries they have guidelines for naming your child.. when i was married in germany i was given a family book with a section in the back with some pre aproved names... the main guidelines are that the name defines weather or not the child is male or female, and it cant be something that the child would be ridiculed for later... like our hippy names here in the states... ie... spring, whisper......

Answer 6

What does the name Barack Obama convey?  Contender for the US presidency?  He is also the child of a single mother.  Neither seem to have held him back. Should he have been given up for adoption and had his name changed to Michael?

I think your plan would do emotional damage the child.  You don't even know what this child-of-the-future's name will be, and you're already determined to change it--rationalizing all the way.

I don't know what to say, you seem to 'know best' what to do with adopted children--so why ask?

Answer 7

I disagree

Answer 8

Well, you are planning on adopting from foster care...more than likely you will get an older child (above the age of 2).  There name is there name and I believe should be kept in tact.  We are hoping to adopt a little boy who we have had for a few years and his name is his name...it's going to be hard enough for him to change our names much less his own!

We will of course change his last name and he has already started "playing" with this idea...but his first and middle will stay the same with an add on middle name that we will add.  As his first name is not uncommon, his middle name is odd to us...but not to him.

Answer 9

That is a lot of pressure for your child.  HOw old is the child?  Are they able to assist in the decision?

As an aside we are changing first names of our chidren age 4,5,6 due to security concners, but their first names will go to middle and we will still call them what they want to be called.

And not making light, but my husband SERIOUSLY, if we had a child by birth, wanted to call him/her first name Jelly second name Bean. Yep Jelly Bean.  So maybe it is good our children come later with their own identity!!  :0)

Answer 10

My husband has an unusual name and he is not adopted.  The woman who gave birth to him and raised him gave it to him.

He is an Ivy League graduate with several master's degrees and is very successful in life.

I guess someone needs to tell him and his mom that she made a mistake in naming him.

Answer 11

My best friend's family adopted a boy from the Phillipines, the agency workers named him after the street he was found on, so when he got to the U.S. his adoptive parents said, Okay, do you want to keep your name or choose one of these, and they gave him a list of four names. He chose to change it, but he kept his first name from the agency as his middle.

Answer 12

I would not change the name the birth family gave a child, no matter how unusual or unpronounceable.  

However, you can give the child a new middle name, and perhaps use that as the name they "go by,"  especially if the child is very young at the time of adoption.   For example, let's say the child's name is "Pununkula."   You could add the middle name "Elizabeth," and have the child's name be "Pununkula Elizabeth Jones."   Call her Elizabeth when you address her.

As she gets older, she can choose which of the two names she'd prefer to be called.   If she's more comfortable with Elizabeth, she can call herself "P. Elizabeth Jones."  This way, you've given her a more conventional name, but you still have not legally taken away the name given to her by her birth mother.

Answer 13

I think that it would depend on the age of the child. I feel if the child is under 3 you can change the name with little effect on the child but as they get older this gets harder to do and will confuse the child. As a person going through the adoption process I feel I do have the right to change the childs name and plan to do so.

Answer 14

I agree completely....

We once saw two little girls named something along the lines of "Princess Velvet" and "Lovely Littilina" and right in their profile both requested parents who would let them change these names....

I believe that when we adopt children from Foster Care they do get a vote---and that it is very acceptable to consider the implications of their futures.... Our children had a younger sibling born and his given name was "Running Bull" another sibling with the Given name of "Heaven Angel" this stuff happens when mothers use too many drugs and have to come up with some kind of name to put on their birth certificates....

It is not uncommon for Repeat DHS children born to be given Horrible names.... I met one child named Tony Tiger.... some of the mothers actually do this to Spite the System.... intentionally to make a mockery of thier child and the fact that before the child was even born the mother Knew that she would not be able to keep them....

Our son was named Jeremiah and we kept it... As it isn't that bad of a name.... We added a middle name which Now at the age of 5 HE HAS decided to use.... He has reasons for rejecting his first name.... He is frankly at the age where he is a bit confused and I suspect part of his reason is the fact that at this stage he is resenting the fact he was Hurt prenatally by someone--and he isn't happy about it.... It is HIS life and we respect this.

We did however discuss name changes with our daughter who was 5 at the time of adoption... We rejected her request to be called "LaLaBella-Madi-Racine Maria Annaloulou".... and decided to stick with her original name...which was not odd just common as could possibly be!

Answer 15

You are so right, my SIL has a name that is sounds like Shalika and she is very qualified for the jobs she applies for. She has taken to attaching a photo to her applications because she has been passed up because her name sounds ghetto. Once she was overlooked and knew it was because of her name, she sent in a photo and all of a sudden her application was reviewed and she got the job. It sucks but it's true.

If your child has a name that will do more damage to him/her than the issues that come from changing it than you owe it to him to change it.

No child should bear the bur don of a lousy decision made by his birth mother.

Now if his name is James and you just are not fond of James that is not reason enough. I am talking about the Tequilas and Laquishas or the ever wonderful Superman's.

Answer 16

agree

Answer 17

Much has already been stated about how these studies only go so far.

If your son or daughter takes issue with his name, s/he can make his/her own choice to change it later like others (including me) have.

Answer 18

while i understand (and respect) your opinion and have knowledge of the literature you presented, i have to say i vehemently disagree with your assertion.

first, the research that you presented has been debated, et nauseum.  critics cite that it has little to do with the name of the person; yet the underlying culture of racism in our society.  hence, when "hakeem jamal" is changed to "brandon michael" he might get into the door; yet still faces the same discrimination in hiring, housing, et al...

in other words, names are not the issue.  

i also feel strongly about not changing names of adopted or foster chidren.  primarily because a name is that person's identity; and very often foster children have suffered myriad identity issues, that another one is unfair.

just to give you some insight:

-i've gone to school with and trained at an ivy-league university with a young man named "kwame" and a young lady named "laquir." one went on to get an MBA from harvard and has his own consulting firm. the young lady is a succesful clinical researcher.

-my good friend is an urologist named "tamika."

- i have managed to navigate the HR, and professional/academic world with a very ethnic, haitian name. ( tish is my nick name)

i guess what i'm trying to point out is that names are relative, most times. and very often what might be percieved by some as a "mainstream" name, might be perceived by some others as an attempt to europeonize a child.  

i can't tell you how many blacks, asians and hispanics are upset when they are introduced to inter-racially adopted children with names like  "seth, catlain, or penelope" when the birth names were changed from names like "hakeem, xian,  guillermo or kikeko." even the "made-up" names such as "mercedes lexus" or "princess devine" should be respected.

this is very slippery terrain with foster kids: their names are the last bit of connection they have to their first families.

ETA:  LOL @ heather...  the thumbs up is from me..i have to admit, that one was very telling.  and something that i think i omitted: names are only slightly relevant compared to aptitute and talent.

ETA: sunny...get out of my head!!!  the first thing i thought about was barack obama. unusual name, smart as h**l, and (if i have my wish) the next prez!