What Causes Arthritis?
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".
Two Old Men
Two old Chelsea pensioners are sitting outside the home, near to the famous flower show. One complains, “Cripes, life is boring. We never have any fun! For £5, I’ll streak naked through the flower show!â€Â
“You’re on!†the other geriatric says.
The first old man fumbles out of his clothes and streaks through the show. Waiting outside, his friend hears a commotion, followed by applause. Then the naked old man returns, surrounded by a cheering crowd. “How did it go?†asks the friend.
“Great!†says the wrinkled streaker. “I won first prize for dried arrangement!â€Â
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