What adopted person here has had an awful experience upon finding your birth family?

Question

I am adopted myself. I guess I want to hear the worst to see what could happen.

I am grateful to anybody who makes a sincere effort to respond.

Answer 1

I've got friends on both side of the fence and heres my thoughts/ observations:

~ You run a chance of your meeting unpleasent; but for the most part if your b/p can't handle meeting you they will refuse

~ B/p wait your entire life worrying over weither you will want to meet them or not and how it'll go

~ Most B/p don't give up their baby because they don't want it

~ The intial meeting can be very award, but once you get to know each other things ussualy smooth out

Best of luck (})

Answer 2

Oh yes, I think I can sincerely answer this question.  First, my bparents were married when I was born, and they were still married when I found them decades later.  Bmom refused contact.  Bdad agreed.  It took me a while to figure out that his contact with me was really motivated by an attempt to keep me away from other family members.  He even asked me to sign a document relinquishing my right to search for other family members and naming him as my only point of contact.  Of course, I refused.  We spent about six months talking on the phone, getting to know each other.  As soon as I contact my full-blood sibling, bdad angrily quit our contact.  I would later discover that almost of all the things he told me were bold-faced lies.  When my bsibling initially called our parents for confirmation of my existence, they denied it all, explained that it must be a scam.  It took a few weeks, but they did eventually have to confess and complained bitterly of the "embarrassment" of having their secret revealed.  

I discovered some really bad things about my bfamily.  I am glad that missed those things.  

It was a great surprise and is a heavy sadness to discover how unresolved my bparents are about my adoption.  I always figured that since they were the ones that made the decision to relinquish me for adoption, that they were totally OK with it.

Answer 3

I haven't found my birth family but am beginning a search in order to find some medical answers that might be significant to my daughter.  I know some of my background and it isn't pretty at all. So, I'm emotionally bracing myself for what may not be a wonderful experience.  There is just no way of knowing though.  Right now I'm taking a deep breath, preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.  

I have friends and relatives who have found their birth families and their experiences are all so different ranging from wonderful to horrible.  I think, generally, the search for answers is a good thing as long as you are prepared for the fact that what you envision may not be what you find.

Answer 4

I am adopted... I found out when I was 40 (long story). Found my birth mother and my 1/2 brother and sister. TOTAL TRAIN WRECK! Sister refused to talk to me, brother was a jerk, Mother said "don't ever contact me again, nobody in family knows about you and I want to keep it that way"

So, skroo 'em, if they want to be stinkers fine by me.

Answer 5

My twin sister and I were dumped in an orphanage at age 4, and adopted by a wonderful American couple when we were 9.

In our 20s, we hired an investigator and tracked our biological mother down. I don't think I have ever met such a repulsive person, and my sister actually went into therapy for several years to get over our horrible experience.

Whingy [whiny], self-absorbed, self-indulgent - she says our father was a soldier who was killed, but I think that is fantasy and she really had no idea who our biological father is. She had no details about this man.

Of course she hit us up for money and we only had a few ££ - she had a tantrum.

Some people use this forum to belittle any answer that is pro-adoption, even factual answers. Having been through it, I assure you that adoption was the best thing that happened to me and I deeply love my adoptive parents, and older brother and sister for making us part of our family. My sister, who died a few years ago, was even stronger in her devotion to our parents.

Answer 6

I had both good and bad, so to speak.  My natural dad had been looking for me for years.  We and the entire extended family on that side have a great relationship.

However, I found that my natural mom had committed suicide just 7 months prior.  It was difficult to take something like that.  I do, however, have a good relationship with my n-grandfather (her dad.)

No matter, though, for me knowing the truth is so much better than not.

Answer 7

I am a birth mother and would love my son to contact me. He is 18 now and legally allowed to search. He has not done so as of yet. I will keep praying that he does.

Answer 8

You just have to prepare yourself for the good, the bad and the ugly.  My birthparent died two weeks before I found her, but I found out that I had aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents that missed me horribly and were very happy that I got in contact with them.

The best thing to do is to prepare yourself for the worst, and be very happy when it isn't.