What advice do you give your 10 year old daughter who is experiencing the "catty" syndrome?

Question

My daughter is usually a pretty confident, competent child who gets along with everybody, boys and girls equally. She is sporty, but still feminine. She was recently moved to another classroom, and has since found that the girls in this class are extremely "catty". They tell her who she can talk to, who she can play with, and call her names or exclude her if she does not follow their rules or plays footy with the boys. She is miserable, and it is not her!

What advice would you give her?

The best I have come up with is "stay true to yourself and don't let others tell you what to do. You do what you know is right and don't buy into the catty stuff". Obviously this in not helping! She obviously needs friends. (she has plenty of "good" friends in her rep gymnastics team, soccer team, and tae kwon do), but how much of herself is she expected to give to these girls?

Answer 1

Well i would tell her "be yourself and if they don't like you then they weren't gonna be good friends anyway" thats how i think of stuff. if people don't like me for me then they are missing out on alot!

Answer 2

dont let those girls push her around at all. tell her she can talk, play, with whoever she wants.  if they call her names tell her to tell a teacher. and if every single girl in that class is like that try being friends with a boy? boys normally dont buy into that catty stuff. but i had this problem when i was in elementary school it was the worst. so i became best friends with this boy and it was fine. some of the girls werent catty but they tried to be friends with who were. and once she gets to middle school it will be ok she will find new friends

Answer 3

Well tell her that she doesn't have to listen to them and if she needs friends she doesn't need those kinds a friends. Im 13 years old so I understand that she needs friends and if she keeps hanging out with them then she's going to loose the good friends that she have and those so called friends will make her hurt inside more

Answer 4

The pressure to belong is always great.  These girls are just trying to prove their 'power' and 'superiority' over a newcomer.  Your daughters best bet is to hold her head high and be aloof from these girls (look down her nose if you like).  At lunch she should try and play with her old class members.  Eventually the leader of the catty behaviour will lose her power when she and others see she is not having the desired effect of bringing your daughters confidence and self esteem down to her level.   I know it seems difficult, but learning to deal with small minded bullies is one of the chores our society has deemed necessary.  Good Luck

Answer 5

I  disagree with you. She does not need friends so badly that she should befriend these girls. If she does, she is lowering herself to their level. You said she has friends in her activities outside of school. I'm fairly sure not every girl in the class is catty. Tell her to either befriend the boys and leave the girls to her after school activities or find the "outcast" girl in the class and befriend her. This will show her true ability to be friends with "anybody".  

Answer 6

I would first meet with the school counselor since this is a psychological development problem. She is living in a rotten culture and the culture needs to change. A teacher should be supervising these kids and helping them develop normal social skills.

What I use as leverage with a school is the date they get funded from the state. So, my district gets $5,000 from the state on October 1st. I'd be telling the principal and counselor that I am checking out alternative schools to see if they have a more normal culture or I'm thinking about withdrawing my child and homeschooling her until the children get counseling for their strange behavior. You could get a commitment from the counselor that she will meet with the girls and set guidelines for appropriate play.

I don't let my children remain in abusive situations.

  

Answer 7

Every last drop, if those girls have anything to say about it. Sadly, not even 6 months is needed to infect a child with the social ills of a particular classroom or grade. She can't do much about it because she WILL conform in one way or another(popular or not). At 10 years old I was in 4th or 5th grade...those are some make-em break-em years where she won't even really get to steer herself into who she wants to be. Try your best not to let her drift into those girls' grips, but if she does, you'll still have the 7th grade 'omygod' crisis window to let her pick a new direction.

Answer 8

EXPLAIN TO HER, THAT SHE NEEDS TO BE HER OWN PERSON.  OR SWITCH CLASSROOMS AGAIN.