What advice would you give soon to be parents no one prepared you for?

Question

My husband and I are 6 months pregnant with our first, and, of course, estactic! We've been reading the baby books, magazines, listening to everyone reminisce about their pregnancies and children....but what is the hard core advice you could share that wasn't discovered until after your personal parenting? We'll be leaving tomorrow for our last hurrah to Mexico for a vacation...it will never be the same, wonderfully so! Thanks to all who share!

Answer 1

You sound extremely well adjusted and healthy.  Just remember, anyone can suddenly experience post partum depression.  I'm hoping you don't,, but if you do, get help.  Usually some anti-depressants will help.  Don't tell yourself you have always been a strong person and you will get over it.  Sometimes we need a little help.

You will know your child better then any medical personnel.  So if you think something is wrong, keep pushing the issue.  

Good luck.

Answer 2

Every kid is different, so pick and choose advice or you'll drive yourself crazy!

Everyone, and I mean everyone will try to tell you how to raise your kid and what you are doing wrong, just ignore them.

The fact that you are preparing yourself, asking this question, and reading shows you care more then a lot of parents.

One piece of advise, and this is true for ANY parenting style: Don't make the mistake of just reading pregnancy and baby books! When I was pregnant I read more then 30 books about pregnancy, labor, and babys. When my son became a toddler we started to face completely different issues, and I don't have time to read all the books now! So read what you can now to prepare for all stages, not just newborns.

Also heres a tip:

Everyone talks about your water breaking, so you know you're in labor. It doesn't always happen that way. I was pushing when mine broke!

Also all newborns don't sleep like you see on tv. My son took crazy little cat naps and wore us out. He was very high-needs right from the very beginning.

Good luck!

ETA: Lots of people will say breastfeeding will hurt. If it hurts something is wrong! The baby is most likely latched incorrectly. Unlatch and try again. Don't just deal with the pain,thinking it is normal  because there shouldn't be pain.

Answer 3

1. Babies cry.  If they are fed and changed, they are fine.  It is the only way the communicate and therefore "practice" sometimes.

2. Dont be afraid to let people help.  You may not think you need it, but when everyone is gone, you will wish you had it back.

3.  Make them kick you out of the hospital.  Dont start asking when you get to go home the moment after you deliver.  That feeling of Yay... lets go home will pass.

4.  Trust your instincts.  If you think something is ever wrong with your child, make someone listen.  You know your child best, regardless of how young or old they are.  dont let anyone ever tell you that you are wrong.  (My son developed meningitis at 5 weeks and all I had to go off of was a different cry.  He would not have survivied if I had waited until the morning to take him to the doctor.  I trusted my instinct though!)

5. You are NOT going to mess anything up.  You know how to do this.  And what you dont know - make it up as you go along!

GOOD LUCK~

Answer 4

You're right... your relationship indeed will never be the same, and this is what no one told you:

You will go from the hot huss, the foxy s**y bed partner, to mom and housekeeper.  He will go from the stud, mr. Erection, the s*x machine to father and provider, and no one told either of you this... All any of us get told is, "Ohhhhhhh we're gonna have a baaayyyyyybeeeee ain't that soooo romantic??"   And no, it is not.  It is emotional hard work to see your relationship turn 180 degrees, and you were never told.  You will end up on the bathroom floor at 2am in tears and have no idea why, and he will have a lower testosterone level, and no one told him why... and it is because this is what a third does in  a marriage.  All you can do.... all any of us can and have done... is make sure our bond is strong, and remains loving.  

Remember during these times  who and why you married him, and he why he married you. Promise each other now that each of you will  be careful of what you say when you're tired, and have to get up to feed.  

Agree now that each of you will be appropriately considerate of the other's feelings.  This happens to every couple who opt to parent.

Truly I think many young couples expect the passions  to stay forever, and they do not.  So he runs, or she does, or the fights break out, and suddenly the bonds are broken.  And you and he wish to avoid this.

In your place, you ought to see a counselor for an hour when you get back, and ask this question, and how you can keep your bond strong, and loving thru parenting.... and good for you for asking.  Every child deserves two loving parents ready to step to the plate... and you two appear that way.  Get doubly reinforced with one session.... best $80 you will ever spend...

Happy parenting.

Answer 5

Don't turn on the lights at night when the baby cries.  I have a very small nightlight so I don't trip over anything but I never turn on the lights.  I don't want my son to associate lights with not being scared anymore, etc.  I don't want him to be afraid of the dark.  Also, I have him nap in his pack-n-play during the day in the living room.  I have found that some mommies make everything extremely quiet and silent when baby is sleeping which is fine.  But I have two dogs that could bark at anytime so I started keeping him in the midst of all of the noise when he naps and he can really sleep through anything.  I don't have to worry about thunder or dogs barking or people talking loudly outside.  I think it was a huge help.

But overall, you will just figure out on your own.  You will do things that you're comfortable doing and don't let anyone change your feelings about what you think is best for your little one.  Good luck!

http://1sttimeparents-whatdowedonow.blog...

Answer 6

That's a great question...truthfully the whole experience was a journey..a great journey but none the less a journey...lol...I don't think there was one thing anyone told us that could of prepared us for the big day and our future with our little angel...:) My daughter is 13 months now and i'm still finding out things as I go...All I can say is be patient and communicate with your partner...you'll need each other's support in order to be the best you can be...:) Good luck and CONGRATS to you and yours...!

Answer 7

my advice is....

don't listen to any advice :-)  (except for this one piece, when you need a break, please oh please take one :-) )  

besides, you guys should be well rested after MEXICO!!  I'm jealous :-)

Answer 8

Be prepared to be so exhausted that you can hardly remember your own name.

But remember that it passes, and your baby will never be so tiny again (newborns are so beautiful and sweet and precious).

Be patient and kind to each other and help each other through this ultra exhausting period with grace.  It will be over before you know it and  you're baby will get bigger and sleep longer . . .and never be a newborn again.. .

Good luck to you!   Have fun in Mexico!  (Don't drink the water!)

Answer 9

Just remember every baby is different, so often people tell you prepare to never sleep again.  I was very blessed w/a wonderful child who slept & slept through the night - I kept waiting for it to get worse thinking what does everyone mean?  I was like you and read book, magazines, websites, talked to people so I felt fully prepared for our daughter, I think I wasn't fully prepared on me, how I would feel.  I was very emotional, they say you can get the baby blues I was so happy to see her, but everything made me cry for a few months.  But we are all different.  Sounds to me like your as prepared as you'll ever be, which is how I felt and honeslty can't think of anything other than the shocker of how I felt that I would think was something new, hardcore I discovered about parenting.  Your world does change, but I think in a good way.  You'll find your rythem, what works for you and your baby - believe it or not it does come naturally.  Congratulations!

Answer 10

you will not be perfect....no one expects it of you and its ok to ask for help!

Answer 11

My cousin and a close friend that just had a baby have shared these bits of info with me so I will pass it on...

You bleed a lot and for a while after the birth.  The nurse gave my cousin a diaper looking thing for her to wear home.  She was mortified by it.

The baby does and will just cry for no reason at all.

Breastfeeding hurts something terrible but worth it if you can get through the first month of it because it isn't so bad after that.

Ask for help and let others help even though you think you can and want to do it all yourself.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Don't start doing things with the baby that you don't want to continue doing... (example rocking to sleep, pushing in a stroller to get them to sleep or using a swing to get them to sleep).  They get used to things easily and want them.

Babies are not that fragile and they won't break easily.

They can and will p**p or pee on you unexpectantly so never pick them up without a diaper on.  Happened to both of them!!

Listen to others advise but take into account that all babies and parents are different so what works for some won't for others.  So try a lot of different things.  They both said nothing sounds too silly to try at 2 am when the baby won't stop crying!!!

You aren't perfect and won't be perfect but always remember tomorrow is another day!

It is ok for you to cry for no reason at all after the birth.  Totally normal!!

They both said to read the book "Belly Laughs" because it gives you the honest truth about pregnancy and birth.  I haven't read it so I don't know.

I hope these help.  If I can think of any others they have shared or that I hear along the way I will definately send you an email!!!

Have a great trip!!!

Answer 12

Two things: 1. Children can hurt you! By this I mean they physically hurt you without meaning to do so. They pull, poke, prod, and just in general are clumsy. They don't mean it but it helps if you are prepared.

2. Yelling and screaming really doesn't work but there are days when you will find yourself doing it anyway. You need to develop a strategy for calming down and assessing the situation when what you really want to do is smack them silly.

Answer 13

I am the mother of 4 girls ages 22, 13, 8 and 3... the only thing I can say that I was never prepared for was how profoundly tired you will be... the lack of sleep the first 6 to 8 months to me was indescribable. My advice.. enjoy every second.. they grow up so fast.

Answer 14

There were many things I had no idea about, but they were all birth and post-birth related- like how much you actually bleed. Just be prepared for that.

But there are so many wonderful things you will experience that no one can even really describe, like the first time you hold your baby. You life changes immediately. The immense love you feel for your child is beyond anything you've ever felt. You just want to look at him/her forever. Congrats and enjoy your babymoon!

edit- You will hear so much advice from other people, too, but most importantly just trust your instincts. As the mom, you will honestly know what is best for your baby. Never hesistate to call the pediatrician with any questions either.

You will not get much rest at first, but your body copes so well. I was almost afraid to go to sleep at first like I would miss something. I would just stare at my son in his sleep smiling at him.