What age do you tell a child the way he was conceived if the mother was raped?

Question

do you even tell them or just lie and tell them the father didn't wanting to do with them?

Answer 1

when they are an adult. that kind of information does not need to be shared with the child earlier then that. it would make the child feel like they were unwanted.

Answer 2

This is a hard decision to make for any mother that was raped and conceived a child because of it. If it was me I would wait until my child was an adult. Past twenty one years of age. I wouldn't tell them as a child or as a teenager. Unless if by some horrible chance this happened to my daughter as a teenager and she became pregnant. I'd support her decision and let her know that I know what she is going through. Personally if this were to happen to me I'd keep my child. I'd never forget that I was raped whether or not  I had a child because of it. My child may have been conceived in a horrible way and by someone I hate. Yet that child is apart of me, no matter how it was brought into this world. I'd love my child and make sure they knew that they were never resented or a burden for me. If my child were to ask me at a young age why she doesn't see her/his father I'd tell her/him that their real father was a bad man. Someone mommy couldn't have around her/him.I wanted them to grow up and have a happy childhood and not one with a man like that. If they persisted I'd tell them one day when they are older that I'd tell them more.

Answer 3

When they were a kid I would tell them that their father lived far away and that we don't speak anymore. I wouldn't tell them about the way they were conceived until they were an adult. A child doesn't understand things like that and shouldn't have to try.

Answer 4

I would not tell the child until they were an adult and could handle the news better.  It could have a bigger effect on a child than one may realize.

Answer 5

Definitely wait until they're an adult.  If I were the child, that's when I would want to find out - after I was past puberty, adolescence, learning about s*x, etc.  

At an adult age, I could handle that kind of news much better.

Answer 6

101

Answer 7

I haven't told my son that he was concieved from rape, and I doubt I ever will. My husband adopted him, and he's only two. I always tell him that his dad is a special kind of dad, and that his dad didn't have to be his dad, he wanted to.

My situation may be a little different than the average womans though. I was in an abusive relationship. After I had broken off the relationship I was raped by him. So, I did know his father. I plan on telling him that his biological father was mentally ill (which isn't a lie, if someone does that they are mentally ill) and couldn't have been a good father to him. I did save one old picture I had of him, despite the fact I can't stand to look at him. It's a hard situation, but I don't want my son to think he is bad or unwanted. I do the best I can to make him think of life in a positive way.

Answer 8

i would tell them early adulthood.. make sure you stress that you love them and CHOOSE to keep them because its likely to cause alot of doubts in their mind..its a horrible situation..

Answer 9

My last pregnancy was bc of rape. Unfortunately I had a miscarrige. Anyways, I had thought about this for the weeks I was pregnant. I had planned on telling her when she was in her late 20's early 30's IF that was really necessary.

Or I had this ootherplan.

Just tell her that daddy was a scumbag and He felt that he wasn't responsible enough to take care of her and that I decided to just raise her on my own.

For a year I had heard "rumurs" that my dad had raped my mom and that's how I was concieved. I was a little upset and figured that's why my mom "hated" me. But I later found out that , no it wasn't bc of rape. That was just a dumb rumur. And I felt REALLY bad that my dad would have done that. I felt a sort of responsibility for his actions. BUT then again I was never talked about to it either. So for all those people saying "this is why abortion is ok in rape cases" I do not agree. YES, I felt a shame apon me and when I was around my mom for that whole year I felt ashamed and very...idk? naked? .. Like I was nothing but a mistake..and I owed her. BUT I WAS HAPPY THAT SHE KEPT ME.

I think if someone has a COMPLETE talk about the rape, then they will understand. If the mother explains it to her child (id still wait maybe until they were idk...at LEAST 12/13?) maybe even wait til the late 20's...idk...but If you are open about it I think that a child will understand it better and accept it...

Answer 10

olivia from law and order was told and she felt resented (i think she was) her entire life. Its definitely going to hurt the child to know where they came from. but its also going to hurt if you tell them their dad didnt want anything to do with them.

youre in a tough situation. - if its urs. and i applaud you for giving it a try.

cant you just say "lets not talk about your father. i love you and wanted you and thats all that matters?" I would wait to say the truth until like... 16 or 18. much older!

Answer 11

I think the child has the right to know.  Maybe at 14 or 15 when the child is more mature.  When you do tell them, make sure they understand that they are loved and wanted, and not jst some mistake.  They might take it the wrong way, even if they were an accident it doesn't mean they aren't wanted.  

Good Luck♥