What age do you think it's ok for my son to start staying with his grandparents?

Question

when my son was 1 1/2 months old my husbands mom asked is she could keep the baby for 4 days. I said no. then when he was 2 months she asked again (her excuse was because her friends said they liked the baby, and she said next time they will be able to see the baby becasue he'll be visiting longer). I also don't like her driving him around either. I said no, because i was breast feeding, and then she accused me of not breast feeding at all! My husband had to explain to her that I do formula and breast. Now the baby is 4 months, and she told me and my husband seperately how she was thinking that when the baby is older she hopes we will let her take him for a while. I feel like she is getting really pushy, and it's strarting to annoy me. I'm getting to the point where i don't even want to let the baby ever stay with her. i think when he is 3 or 4 and he can speak his needs then it will finally be ok. my husband thinks i am being mean by not trusting to leave our baby with her

Answer 1

Your going trough a with draw with your baby. I think you should come to happy middle.Why don't you and your baby go spend time at grandmas together. You can't not want to wait til your baby is 4 or 5. are you this bad with your own Mom. I think you have to talk and tell her you don't like to leave the baby alone with no one but you would be happy to go spend time with her so she will be able to enjoy the baby. Right now she is just trying to see the baby she is just going about it the wrong way. My Mom got my baby over night when she was 6 months old. If you have trust issues with her that's fine,but try to find a middle,because now your husband is thinking you don't like his mom. So don't leave your baby if you don't want to but spend time over there so she can see the baby and not feel left out. Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 2

really it's when YOU feel ready. don't be pushed into it. My daughter is 18 months old, and she still hasn't stayed over night. I would feel just too anxious about it! And to be honest, if you feel anxious then your baby will start to feel anxious too.

The best thing is to explain to the Granparants that you aren't ready yet for him/her to stay, and that it is no reflection on them! But as soon as you fell ok about it you will let them know.

You do what YOU feel is right...after all...YOUR the mum x

Answer 3

First plan an overnight with you and your husband but the two of you go out on a date and let her babysit while you are out and see how that goes.If you dont want her to drive the baby anywhere dont leave the carseat ,then she cant do it. Then if that goes well let the baby spend one night over and see how hat goes. You will know after a few of theese visitsf it is OK. Dont stars with 4 or 5 days I think that is too long for a baby to be away from its mom and dad.Just my opinion

Answer 4

I understand you totally.  My son's father's mother wanted to keep my son, but i felt he was too young and she was being quite pushy as well.  I am a first time parent so I had that feeling like she was trying to take my baby from me.  I eventually cut my ties with her because I just felt like she wouldn't treat my baby the way I would.  I also didn't like where she lived and she smoked.  My son's father thought I was being selfish when I tried to explain my feelings. I think when the baby is about a year old or 15 months.  That way he can hold his head up, hold his own bottle, sit in a booster seat, walk a little bit, and at least feed himself, and drink out of a sippy cup, and be on solid foods, and less dependent on a feeding schedule.  He is too young right now, but don't wait till he is 3 years old, or he wont want to go over there at all, because he won't be use to being over there, or use to being around her.  Just relax, you'll look back and laugh about this one day.

Answer 5

I have a 3 year old and she still hasn't stayed overnight at a grandparents house.  One grandparent lives nearby and the other lives 3 hours away.  The answer will be no until her baby brother is about 6.  Then they both can go together during the summer, if they wish.

Answer 6

This is hard! The same thing happened to me! My chid stayed with my mom for a few days when he was 6 months old so we could take a vacation. The baby was fine. I left instructions, including the food, how much to give and tips to getting the baby to nap. I stressed keeping to the schedule. Leaving your newborn is hard and this is your bonding time. you may want to try an afternoon to start just to allow grandma some alone time with the baby to see if she can really handle it. Ask her to babysit so you can go on a date night with your husband.Take baby steps and forget about what everyone else says.

3 and 4 is a great time to hand off to grandma! My child loves going to grandmas and she adores him! She just gave me a hard time today because she wants him 4 days instead of three this week! It is hard letting go but if you do it in baby steps, you will have peace of mind and grandma will be hapy too!

Answer 7

As long as you know she'd never harm the baby, there's no reason to keep him from staying the night that long. I think my daughter had her first over night with my parents around 5 months. Now they take her once a month to give us a break and so they can bond with her. She loves staying the night with them. She's 9 months now and she gets so excited when we pull up in their driveway.

Answer 8

Mt children have been staying with their grandparents from the age of 6 weeks on, they go every other weekend.  On Grandma and Grandpas request.  They used to drive two hours, each way,  every other Friday to the city we lived in to pick the girls up and two hours, each way, every other Sunday to bring them home.  5 years ago we moved to their city, they see them about 3 to 4 times during the week, and still go every other weekend.

It's a great little vacation from mom time for me.  If you are not comfortable then say no, you are the mom not her.  You are not being mean, you are following your instincts, and rarely are instincts ever wrong.

Answer 9

i dont think over night is a good idea until 14 months but i would let her have him for like 3 hours at a time.

Answer 10

by the sound of those grandparents, i would say about 10. when your son is able to stand up for himself...

she souds a bit creepy to me. i know grandparents love their grandkids, but kids need to be with mummy while they are that small.

the only exception to this, would be if you were exhausted and needed a night of peace.

Answer 11

This is YOUR child your's and your husbands and it is YOUR decision whether or not he stays with his grand parents... you are NOT being mean by saying No.  You are exercising YOUR RIGHT as a parent to say No.  Tell your husband to tell his mother that IF she wants a baby so damned bad to have one of her own.

Answer 12

If you are breastfeeding, then your son can't stay with them and they need to understand this.  My son is 13 months and still breastfeeding at night and in the mornings. I have been away from him for one night (and I pumped) but it's not good for your breastfeeding relationship to be gone more than that.  Are there other reasons you are hesitant about him going?  Quite honestly it can be a nice break to have someone else watch your children-even if just for a few hours. The first time it is awkward, but you will get used to it soon enough!

Answer 13

Does she live in the same town as you?  If so then there really is no reason for the baby to stay with her for 4 days.  That is ridiculous unless you needed her to do it for some reason!  I could see an overnighter so you and DH can go out on a date.  But 4 days just so she can run around to all her friends house is silly.  Why doesn't she invite her friends over while you are there for a meet the baby party or something.  Based on what you say here, stick to your guns because she sounds like she is trying to recapture her mommy days or something.

Answer 14

My mother-in-law is the same way. My concerns are a little different with her though, my niece and nephew where practically raised by them and they act awe full! They let them get away with everything and let them do things I personally don't approve of. My mom however has just about the same parenting techniques that my husband and I do, so we trust him to be left in her care more than my husband's parents. We do however leave my son with my in-laws for a coupe of hours so they can visit with him, but never over night. I don't blame you for feeling this way if they act like they just can't take care of your child how you do. But if they know what they are doing then you might want to let them take care of him for a few hours. I don't think I will really ever let my in-laws take care of him over night because they wouldn't discipline him and would let him stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning, like they do with my niece and nephew.

Answer 15

You, my love, sound as if your going to be the daughter in law from hades...Why?.. You either have control issues or have a strong line of jealously in you. By your behavior you are going to hurt only one person...and thats your child as he gets older. Grandparents are as important in a childs life as parents. But until you grow up and get over this jealously, control issue everone will be in emotional pain. Let your child love his grandparents. Let him want them more than you at times, because this is where this whole issue starts..you are afraid he will love them more than you. Now, it's a different issue if they dont follow your rules as he is older, I will concur to that. Remember.....there's gonna come a day .......your gonna be a grandparent too...what comes around usually goes around