What am I doing wrong and how can I fix it?

Question

I have a 20 month old how still does not sleep through the night. I waited and wanted this baby for 13 years and told everyone that I would be at her beck and call if I ever got to have a baby.I nursed her until she was 14 months old and she took to a bottle right away, but she does't like her milk cold(I believe that because breastmilk is warm thats what she likes) so I have to heat it before she will drink it. Also she gets up 3-4 times a night for a bottle. I WILL NOT LET HER CRY IT OUT, so if that is your solution please don't leave an anwser. I can't stand listening to her cry, she had acid reflux for the first 3 months of her life and that is all she did was cry. So its not an opition. I don't mind getting up with her, I don't work and thats what I'm here for but I don't like giving her a bottle like that, it is also not mu first resort, I try rocking, humming ang patting her but before I so give it to her. But she does then start to cry. Also my husband works very early in the morning(@ 2;30am) so let her cry to long wakes him too, he drives a truck and needs all the sleep he can get. All my frineds think she should be sleeping please help!!!

Answer 1

We have two kids, and I still remember the period I call "the sleep wars."  It seems that every few months the baby's sleep pattern would change, and the old ways of handling it stopped working, and us overtired parents would have to invent a new method.  Our son seemed to get angry at us for not putting him to sleep properly, and I thought he was "looking for sleep in all the wrong places."  We got to a point at 9PM one evening where absolutely nothing worked - not rocking or singing or bottles or doing the bouncy walk or cuddling -- nothing could stop the crying.

So there's nothing wrong with you or your baby; lots of parents go through a rough patch as sleep behavior changes.  Here are a few suggestions:

1. Try and get on a schedule, with at least some of the feeding times and sleep times similar each day.

2. Slowly lower the temperature of "warm milk."  Drop it a degree or two every day and pretty soon cool milk might be accepted by your baby.

3. Shorten the baby's daytime sleep periods and see if that results in longer nighttime sleep periods (we tried this, with limited success).

4. (we eventually did this) During one of the baby's sleep periods (with us it was the first of the evening), let the baby cry for 5 minutes, then visit it and try to comfort, but put back in crib.  Do this for as many 5 min cycles as it takes to get the baby to sleep.  We did it at the first evening sleep cycle, but you could try a daytime sleep cycle or one in the early morning after your husband leaves.  I know you said you won't let her cry it out, but you may get to the point, like we did, where absolutely nothing works.  And rather than go insane, it's good to have a plan.  On other sleep cycles, we would take the baby into bed with us and that usually quieted him.  But on the one sleep cycle we would do the visit every 5 minutes thing (it's a modified form of Ferberization if you're familiar with Dr Ferber.)  The very first evening we tried it, it took over an hour for our son to fall asleep.  The next day, close to an hour.  After that, it was less than 20 minutes each time and it got easier.  It was absolute torture for us the first two times we tried it, and we only did it because nothing else worked.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck with your darling baby.  Remember that you are not alone and many parents go through rough times as the sleep cycle changes.

Answer 2

As soon as our kids were old enough to have gerber cereal they were getting that for a bed time snack as well as for breakfast. It seemed to stay in thier bellies longer. We also got them drinking out of  a spill proof cup. Once they got the hang of it & if they did happen to wake up through the night we would give them that & most times they would drift back to sleep. As a last resort we would bring them to our bed.  

Answer 3

my daughter did that for a little while (she's 14 months old now and sleeps through the night, but wakes occasionally if she loses her pacifier).  She used to wake up once a night for her bottle, and I just couldn't deal anymore, so I started giving her a bottle with a little bit of water in it.  After about a week she stopped waking up for a bottle.  

Your daughter is old enough now, and she's eating solid food so she doesn't need a bottle at night anymore.  She doesn't want a bottle...she's waking up at night because she knows you're going to come in and comfort her every night.  You don't have to completely abandon her, but don't pick her up and cuddle her when she wakes up.  Lay her in her bed and pat her back or just stand in the door way.

P.S.  I don't belive in the cry-it-out method either, but at some point she's going to have to learn to stop...or you're going to have a lot of sleepless nights ahead of you.

Answer 4

Right now she is waking out of habit so we need to work on that. At about 6-9months they really don't need 'a feed' in the night and should be able to go all night w/o a bottle. So what I would do first is try to wean those middle of the night bottles. (does she still do the bottle? Thats how I took it). And one way to do this is to gradually lessen the amount in the bottle over the course of a week or two. Or you can start watering it down so over the course of time she is basically just getting water and sometimes that tells them that is just not worth waking up for and that might cure the middle of the night wakes. Notice I said MIGHT!  Also another thing is to try and get her off the bottle period and onto sippys.  My doc suggests no bottles after one and the dentists usually agree too. So I would try that too. But don't do both things at once. Babies can only take one change at a time and you don't want to confuse her or frustruate her.  I can't thnk of anything else right now, but I know there are more things. But its a start! Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, if you won't let her cry, she's going to OWN you.

She'll just keep learning that Mommy will cave in if she cries.

So she'll cry to get everything she wants.

When she goes t school, she'll be known as a crybaby, because those tricks won't work there.

She'll be isolated and unhappy.

Kinda makes letting her cry it out for a while worthwhile, doesn't it.

Answer 6

My child does not sleep through the night, either. He is 28 months. But he co-sleeps with us, so as soon as he rouses, I give him a bottle and he goes right back to sleep. So we lose very little sleep.  

Answer 7

|She most definatly should be sleeping by now but is obviously waking as it has become habit and wants comforting. Ok what I would do if you dont want to let her cry it out is water down the milk in her bottles gradually so eventually it is water (she may not like it) but hopefully then her brain will tell her there is no point in waking up for water. Does she have a dummy? If not I think getting one may help. Hope it works GL

Answer 8

She should be sleeping through the night, but you have taught her that if she cries she gets what she wants. You said you don't mind getting up with her, so what is the problem? The only way to change her behavior is for YOU to change yours...

Answer 9

I am having the same problem but with a 8 month old..I am as lost as you are and did ask a question and most of the solutionsi got were "cry it out" i feel the same way as you on that one.. So now real answer here just sympathy..Im sorry i couldnt be of help but if you get any good suggestions let me know!  

Answer 10

Your child is too old to still be on the bottle ... I would first try switching to spill proof cups. Eventually the child will realize that getting up does not mean getting a bottle and will begin sleeping through the night.

Answer 11

You shouldn't give her a bottle everytime she wakes up.  Give her a pacifiar and I don't like to hear my baby cry either, and I will not let him cry for a long time.  I just hold him until he goes back to sleep.  By giving her the bottle you are getting her use to the routine of getting up every couple hours for a bottle.  If you have to get up and walk around with her.  If you keep giving her a bottle in the middle of the night, then you won't be able to resolve the problem.  Both of my sons had reflux, it was awful, so I know exactly what you are going through.  I don't let my children really cry it out, sometimes I let them cry for a few minutes, it doesn't hurt them.  I have a 1 and 2 year old in my bed, because they are hysterical when they are in their own rooms, and I don't like it when they cry like that, but when it comes to my 1 year old waking up in the middle of the night, I let him whine, give him his paci and rock him back to sleep.  The only way I will let him drink something is if he has a fever.  Good Luck!

Answer 12

I believe at 20 months your child should be off the bottle. and if you keep bringing her warm milk whenever she cries for it then you are only encouraging the behavior. Maybe you need to give her some real food before bed that will sit in her stomach and require less bottles. Also you may want to change the milk to water. if you make the bottle less desireable then she won't want it so often. you may not want to let you baby cry but you are going to have to give atleast a little on that if you really want to train her to sleep through the night. your baby will not die from crying. each time she gets up just wait a few minutes before you come running. give her a chance to put herself to sleep. and after a couple of days add a few more minutes. it seems like she has you trained and that behavior will lead to other aspects of your life. I feel sorry for anyone that has to babysit. they will have to be slaves to your child.