What am I supposed to say or do for her?

Question

My cousin's 11 year old daughter was recenlty molested. the guy is in jail and they are going through all the court stuff but her daughter keeps having bad dreams and is crying and asking why it happened to her and what she did wrong. My cousin keeps telling her its not her fault but her daughter keeps asking.

SHe keeps emailing me for advice but I have no idea how to deal with it except t ojust be there for her. I dont think any words will ease her pain right now. What do you all think?

Answer 1

She really needs to take her to a therapist, it's the only thing she can do...she has to!

Answer 2

have her parents seek out a group for children who're dealing with the same thing, these groups are everywhere, my son attended from 6-8 yrs. It is a slow process, but will do wonders, he is now 18 and doesn't show any residual effects.

    She need to see and hear for herself that she is not alone or responsible, she will bond and learn from those her age so much more, because they can "relate" physically, emotionally and mentally, it is those kids that will get through to her the most, that can explain in a manner she has and is feeling.

    For the time being, you tell her that you love her, and that when something like that happens, it hurts all that love her.

    Tell her, that she did nothing wrong, the guys mind is "very sick", it does not work like normal ppl.  And there was no way for her too see that.

    Tell her, it did not have anything to do with her or her behavour, if she were not there and another girl had been instead, he would have done the same to her. Reinforce, that "any" kid would have been a target, that is how a sick mind works, and that is why he will be put in jail, "to keep him away from All kids, everywhere !!!

  It will also help her to know, that when he's in prison, that he must be kept alone at all times, because even the worst of criminals  have children and hate those who hurt children, if anyone in that prison is allowed to get near him, they will beat him senceless, because all men hate those who pick on children.

      It helped my son, greatly with the anger, to know that the perpetrater would get beat up for what he did to him.

Answer 3

ask her if some one held a gun on her and took her money would she blame herself

the reason girls do this is because all pedifiles say that "she wanted it"

Answer 4

Tell your cousin to give her doughter lots of love and dont act different around her. Dry to keep the childs mind occupied on other things of interest.Its going to be a long long journey.

Answer 5

I think that your cousin's daughter needs to go to a therapist about this. That is a very disturbing act to have gone through at any age, but especially at a really young age. I think this is a case where professional help is warranted. It's great that you are there for her right now, but like I said, I think she may need more than that at this point in time. Good luck and I'm really sorry to hear what happened to your cousin's daughter.  

Answer 6

Therapy is good for her but she might feel like the therapist could judge her but just be there for her and listen to her let her talk about what she is feeling be really supportive to her. Tell her it's not her fault this happened that there are bad people in the world and she happened to run into them. Unfortunately I know a couple of people who has been molested and I noticed support plays a huge role in making them feel better just make sure it's not pity.