What am i supposed to tell him????!!!!?

Question

Ok, so on labor day my family is getting together to have a cookout and my boyfriend wants to come.. i am white and he is black. My brother always brings his girlfriend to FAMILY get togethers so i asked my mom if she was coming and she said "yeah" i was like "well im bringing my boyfriend then if shes coming" and my mom was like, "Jenny, we're not starting anything" and i was "ok why cant he come?? what the **** is so special about ur sons girlfriend??" and she got quiet and changed the subject... see the point is, is that my boyfriend asked me if he could come and i was like i dont see why not because my bros girl will be there... so what am i supposed to say to my boyfriend because obviously hes not welcome which i think is because hes black! and it upsets me alot and my mom knows im upset but keeps trying to make conversation to "make it better" **** that! if my boyfriend cant go then im not goin! because thats bullshit! who cares if he black! me and him have been together for 2years and my brother and her have been together for 4yrs... what do i tell him!! please someone help!

Answer 1

tell him the truth if he really cares for you he will understand love  you no matter how your family is, and will respect you for telling the truth  

Answer 2

You dont need to tell him anything.  The problem lies in your family not with him.  So put it simply to your family, if he is not welcomed to come then you won't be coming either.  They need to learn that he is a part of your life and should except him and you or don't expect you to be part of theirs

Answer 3

First of all, don't assume.  There may be other reasons your parents don't like your boyfriend.  The only way to find out is to ask them - calmly and politely, not belligerantly or demandingly.  

Your mom didn't want to start anything because she could tell you were already in a mood.  Your response "well im bringing my boyfriend then if shes coming" was unnecessarily rude and defiant.  You have simply and calmly said, "If he gets to bring a date, then it seems only fair that I should be able to bring one too.  I think this would be a nice opportunity for you to get to know my boyfriend as a person, and see all the wonderful things in him that I do."

Stop creating battles, and start focusing your energy on healing wounds and building bridges.  Find ways to get people talking openly, instead of just yelling at them and expecting them to immediately see things from your point of view.