What are a biological mother's rights when...?

Question

her adult child ("A" from now on to avoid pronoun confusion) is dying? Before A was sick, he knew who his biological mom was and they had a relationship. Now A is dying and is so disoriented that A sometimes doesn't even know who he is himself. A's birth mother wants to see him but A's wife won't let her. A's adoptive parents are on the biological mother's side. Can A's wife be legally forced to allow A's birth mother to visit?

Please don't ask about state law or anything like that. The adoption took place out of the country between non-citizens at the time. There's no money at stake or anything; I just want to know if there is a valid legal threat that can be used before it is too late. Is there any precedence for something like this?

Answer 1

It's kinda like asking if it is okay to stop a dying child from seeing his real mom for the last time. And her vice versa.

I think to deny it is cruel and sadistic.

Answer 2

If nobody has control of his affairs, then anybody can see him.  If he is in the hospital, she can't stop anyone coming to see him.  The only other thing that they can do to see him is get themselves a lawyer.

Answer 3

Well, technically, she has no rights.

But morally, A's wife and adoptive parents are not being very kind.

What is wrong with these people--he is DYING!  When does 'petty' end and common decency begin?!

Answer 4

So, to be clear.  "A" is dying.  A's bio mother wants to visit and A's adoptive parents are supportive of that.  But A's wife won't allow it.  A is physcially incapaciated to the point where A cannot make his wishes known and respected by his wife.  

Legally, I'm not sure.  The only thing I can think of is: who is A's medical durable power of attorney?  Meaning, who has A authorized to make medical decisions on his behalf if he is physcially unable to make those decisions? Typically it would be A's wife, but if for some reason A had authorized his adoptive parents, you could try that angle.  

Otherwise, if A has a lucid moment can he make his wishes known?  If A is in a hospital, most hospitals have some sort of family liason or counselor available to help be an intermediary?

I hope that A's wife comes to her senses soon.  It's such a small thing to be such a sticking point.

Answer 5

I very much doubt it. As A’s next of kin his wife can decide who can and can’t visit him.  Victoria is right for all A’s bio mother knows, A discussed with his wife if his condition ever worsened or he was in a bad accident who he wanted to be able to visit him and who he didn’t.

Answer 6

The spouse has all the rights in regards to medical treatment. There really is nothing the mother can do. If her son had had a living will that stated his wishes should he become unable to express them. Sadly there is not much she can do. Look at the Terry Schrivo case. Her family went through a similar situation about not being able to make medical decisions...etc.. I wish his mother the best of luck in these trying times! :)

Answer 7

If he is in the hospital or at home, the wife does have control of who can come and go. Reguardless of relationship, a wife can say who is allowed in her home. Same with visitation at the hospital.

Answer 8

i don't think so.  I think the law would recognize next-of-kin which would be his wife.  unfortunately, i also believe that you would no longer be recognized as 'kin' due to the termination of rights / relinquishment.

do you know why the wife is denying you the ability to see him?  if you knew why, you could address it with her and allay any concerns she might have -- maybe she's afraid she won't be there for the 'last moment' and you could approach her by addressing that; maybe she's afraid you'll be the last one he thinks of but of course you could remind her of hte love they shared, etc.

i'm not saying she's right or wrong -- we all do emotional things that may not be rational when we're dealing with the loss of a loved one.  If you did have a relationship prior to his illness then yes, you should be there as well

Answer 9

There is nothing A's biological mother can do. His wife is considered the next of kin and is his legal representative regardless of documents except if the wife and A were legally separated.

My husband was in an accident and almost died. I knew who he would want to have around him at this time, and it did not include his siblings or his biological mother (he doesnt have a good relationship with her) All of them respected this decision except his exwife, which did try to see him, it caused alot of problems for me when I had to have her removed from the hospital.

A's wife's reaction could be that A doesn't want his birth mother to see him in this state and would rather she remember him the way he was when he was healthy. That is why I made the same decision, my husband and I had talked about this type of situation before it happened.