What are better ways of comforting people?

Question

I am very bad at it. For some reason, whenever I try to make someone feel better (especially if they think they did something wrong), I end up analyzing the problem, and then using that to explain why things are okay (or are going to be okay or whatever). I guess that's not very helpful, and I can kind of see why. I'm usually a more emotional person, but when I want to comfort someone, I break into analytic mode, and no matter how hard I try, I can't get out of it. It shows up a lot more when I can't physically be there for the person, like over the phone. I'm sure it happens other times, too, just not as obviously because I can hug said person, etc.

So... Any ideas? Don't fail me now, Yahoo Answers!

Answer 1

Most people don't want solutions, just an ear or someone to say I'm thinking of you. What would you want someone to say if you needed comforting? I usually say something along the lines of I don't know what to say, but I love you and I wish I could be there to hug you so here's a long distance hug. King of cheesy, but you get the idea. I find myself at a loss for words so admitting it gets me over the hump and then I just tell them I'm thinking of them, loving them, etc. Also, sending a card in the mail really brightens someone's day, not to get a bill or junk mail, but that you took the time to drop a line.  

Answer 2

I try to never give advice unless someone specifically asks for it.  I listened to some "relationship" tapes many years ago and the person speaking said people just want to be heard and feel that someone understands.

If a co-worker comes back from a meeting and is obviously frustrated or angry, I may ask if everything is okay.  If he describes what has frustrated him, I will say something like "wow, that sounds frustrating", but not actually giving advice.  In fact, I've used this technique on a co-worker that I never particularly liked who moved into the office next to mine.  He seems to be frustrated or angry all the time, but he always comes to talk to me about it because I appear to care and understand.  It really seems to calm him down.

Answer 3

Be more ready to listen than to speak.

Really listen, not trying to think ahead or second guess the person's needs.

Many times, people just need someone to listen and to offer emotional support.  Often, they are not specifically looking for analytical answers.