What are good questions when speaking to a potential BirthMother the 1st time?

Question

we are the potential adoptive parents. Just wonder what others' 1st conversation went like. thanks. It's not a match yet, just a talk.

Answer 1

Make her feel good about herself. Ask her what her interests are. Make sure she knows that you would make good parents and that you really want the baby. Be upbeat.

Answer 2

Get medical history!

Answer 3

I think you should just have a normal conversation.  Decide whether or not you like each other, and feel like committing to each other in such a way.  Why is she interested in you as the parents?  What does she want for her child?  Be sure your values and interests are similar.  Most of all, just get to know each other.  

That is the way my first phone conversation went with the adoptive parents I chose for my son.  We didn't really talk about me, we talked about them.  The adoptive parents are the ones being interviewed here.  She needs to decide if you are going to be the parents she wants for her child.

You don't need to ask her if she is sure about her decision.  That is something she should talk to with a counselor or family member.  In my adoption process, both the adoptive parents and the birth mother had their own separate counselors that acted as mediators over the harder issues, like whether or not she was going to change her mind.

One thing that caused me to really fall in love with my chosen adoptive parents is that they were so kind to me.  They wanted to know how I was feeling, they sympathized, they made every accommodation to my needs.  I felt so close to them, like I was gaining a whole new family instead of loosing someone.  I still do feel that way.

Answer 4

You might ask about family medical history this is one thing my husband wishes he knew about his birth parents and it might be an issue if you do become a match.

Answer 5

She is a mother, not a "birth"mother.

It should be illegal for paps to be involved with young women at this very vulnerable time in their lives.

What is the point of meeting her? To influence her right? I mean you are going to be making a sales pitch, telling her about yourself and the wonderful life you can give her child. What else is that besides coercion? You will be saying things in order to influence her decision to surrender instead of parent when she hasn't even given birth yet!

Sickening.

Answer 6

1. Are you completely certain that you want to give your child to someone else?

2.  Would you keep your child if you felt you had better resources?

3.  Will you please be certain to wait until after your baby is born before you make a final decision about doing this?

Answer 7

I dont know why people are starting with the whole birth mother routine again......she is a birth mother, I am a birth mother to my children. The difference is, that I kept mine.

Anyway.

Questions about how she feels.

Is she really ready?

What help and support will she or does she have?

Just make a good rapport with her. Take the time to listen to her and empathise without being patronising.

Dont pressure her into any adoption, but dont talk her out of it. Its her choice at the end of the day.

Answer 8

It depends how you want to do the adoption. Do you want a child at any cost? Or do you want a good outcome for everyone involved?

If you just want the child and dont care about the mother (selfish and not very nice), then you would sell yourself. Talk about how wonderful your life is, how she is doing the right thing, and how much you want children.

However if you really care about whats best for the child, one of the first things you should ask is "why are you chosing to give up your child?" talk to her about how she is feeling, and listen to her. If she wants to "give her child the best possible life", then thats when you talk about you, your marrige, and what you could offer her baby. Also asking if she wants an open adoption, and if so how much contact would she like (maybe monthly letters and photos, or even occasional visits). Its important to remember that adoption isnt easy on the mother, so if she feels manipulated, or used, then she will regret it for the rest of her life, and its 100% her decision.

Answer 9

Dont call her a birthmother

And you only need to ask one question..."Are you sure deep down in the depths of your heart that really want to give this baby up for ever, to be raised by someone else ,and that if you had support and money you would still do so"

If the answer is NO then do not proceed with anything further.

Answer 10

first, you don't call her a birthmother.

Answer 11

This video has some good questions to ask and some things to keep in mind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVKiiiSo8...

Answer 12

Try to make her comfortable, like she is a friend, and hopefully, she'll become one.  Ask her how the pregnancy is going.  Is this her first child?  Is the bio dad going to sign papers easily, get medical history, did she have morning sickness, pains, gestation of other kids (any early, etc.), perhaps talk over names, tell her some about your family and why you want to adopt.  

We asked our bio parents to move in with us, which they did, and because the baby heard my voice every morning, every day, he wasn't stressed, and by the time he was 10 days old, he would come to me, and didn't act like he wanted the bio mom.  

Admit to her if you are a little nervous, and that her decision is a life changing one for all involved, and tell her that you hope that for the baby, it is the right one.  Also ask if she is has plans to talk to anyone else already, or can you be the only ones.  

Good luck. Remember, she probably doesn't want to give the baby up, it is probably a need to do in her life.  She loves the baby enough to try to give it a better life.  Whatever you do, do not judge her.  Good luck.