What are good ways to boost the self-Esteem of your grade school children?

Question

I have noticed that both of my children an 8 and 6 year old are always second guessing themselves and have trouble at times with their self esteem. What can I do as a parent that will help their self esteem grow?

Answer 1

Create some activities together with all family member. Show them that you and your husband have a self esteem...I believe they will follow straight away.

Praise them..do not compare them with other children nearby. Tell and show them that they are unique and both of you are care and adore them so much.

Answer 2

I think our society places too much emphasis on building self esteem and rewarding mediocrity -- which in the long run can damage self esteem because they will get older and not get a sticker for showing up for work and not s******g anything up.

I am NOT saying you are doing that -- you seem to be doing all the right thing and I wish my own son did not have gastric problems that might act up and cause a big issue during martial arts or other sports such that we keep him out of them.

I think having high but not unattainable standards is what builds confidence. Besides marital arts which I do think is a good thing -- what if they accomplished something that was kind of a real-world thing? Go camping and have them help with starting the campfire (Really! My five year old can gather kindling and start a fire!)

Teach them to cook and be more self-sufficient -- not too quickly or beyond their abilities but you might be surprised at what they can do.

IMO there is too much praise and reward for mediocre accomplishments -- which again is not your fault; our society expects it. We are told as parents and teachers to praise our children constantly. I feel that trend -- which had great intentions -- has backfired and children now have a sense of entitlement and think they must be really sucking if they are not receiving praise at this moment.

So...do what you can do to set up situations where they actually get to accomplish things in real life situations -- not dramatic or traumatic ones (which would have to be fake if you set them up) but helping with the grocery list. Preparing a meal or treat or snack from start to finish -- choose a recipe; go to the store; measure and mix; you do any hot and sharp stuff; and serving.  Maybe start as a surprise for Dad or Grandparents or other extended family.

Have other adults in their lives teach them useful things.

If there is a problem (not an adult one but a reasonably shared one) like what can we get Grandpa for his birthday when we only have $5 to spend? They learn to solve real problems like what does Grandpa like? Boats? Yeah...that might be too expensive. What else? Grandma says he needs a new wallet. Hmmm...

Things like that.

Once they start having control of their own lives and contributing to family life they will have a better sense of their ability to actually accomplish something that matters.

I think you are doing all you can. These are additional things I have also learned over the years so I hope you do not see any criticism of you in this long post.

Like I said it is our society that has set our kids up to expect constant continual praise for minimal accomplishment which sets them up for a skewed view of how the world works and a distorted view of their own worth.

Answer 3

Have them create a goal and make sure that they achieve it.  You can gradually increase the complexity of it and give them a gift after they finish a set of tasks.

Answer 4

tell them how well they do things. Focus on the good and not the bad. When they do well tell them you are proud. If they don't do something as well as they wanted, tell them you are so pleased they did there best and which part was amazing

Answer 5

Have them find a personal hobby to presure. Whether it be dancing, craft making, story writting or sports. Have them find an activity they enjoy and let them flourish in it. You may have to try a few things at first. Also, arrange lots of play dates. Even when they loose or  make mistakes on things, remind them that it is okay.  Also, having them making a picture or memory book of all their friends and the things they like. If they like space, decorate their room with planets, if they like animals, get them a goldfish.

Answer 6

Tae-Kwon-Do....my daughter began it on her choice at 5.5 years old.  She has progressed through about 17 gradings/belts since.  She has a fantastic instructor that builds up their confidence etc.  (National Tae Kwon Do).

Answer 7

Just try to praise them at whatever they do like with my 9 year old son if he strikes out in a game I'm always telling him how good he swung the bat you came very close and he will get happy because he feels like he did his best.I can tell your a great mam so trust me having a mom like you they know that they have your support and at the end of the day there happy because mom loves them.