What are kids for?

Question

I want to have children in the future. However, I'm trying to weigh the sides of "should I have my own?" or "should I adopt?" on one hand, to have my own, i've never really known why I wanted them I mean, I understand genes, but what makes genes so special when environment is just as if not more important? I don't even concider apeasing relatives or saving relationships/finding "unconditional love" (not saying you can't lov eyour parents but it's obvious it doesn't always work) to be options. On the other hand, adoption lets you have a difference in someone's life and feed a mouth you would have normally ignored (to make another of by having your own).

I've concidered that in having your own child the reason may be "to relate to them more", but children are so different no matter what their genes that you could relate to anyone if you lived with them thier whole life....

I hope that you can give me some advice, all I keep thinking is that....

Answer 1

Humans, like all species, have the natural urge to reproduce themselves and their species.   If we didn't, we would rapidly become extinct.

This does not mean, of course, that all individual people have this urge, or that it's wrong to NOT have it -- or that everyone should be required to have children.

If adoption feels more 'right' to you, then that's the path you should take.  If you'd rather give birth to your own, that's fine too.  There is no right answer to this question. The 'right' road is the one that makes you (and any potential children, however they are aquired) happiest.

Answer 2

My husband and I were foster parents before we had any children.  It was wonderful to help children that way.  We wound up adopting two of our foster daughters then giving birth to three more daughters.  Then we were "done."

Two years ago we talked it over and decided it would still be wonderful if we could have a son (or 2 or 3).  Our daughters are 8-15 years old now.  So we became adoption certified and received our first little son three months ago.  He is two years old and has cerebral palsy and he is the most wonderful joy of all of our lives right now.  His sisters love him immensely and so do his Dad and I.  I can't wait to be matched with another special needs boy so he will have a brother.

When I hadn't given birth, I deperately wanted to have a biological child.  Eventually I did.  But I feel the way you do, if there are so many children already waiting out there to be adopted, why keep giving birth?

If you can love someone (like a husband or wife) without being biologically related, then why can't you love your child who is not biologically related?  Adoption is the most wonderful gift you can give a child and the parents are the ones who receive all the love and blessings!

God bless you and Good Luck!

Check out: www.adoptuskids.org  and www.adoption.com.

Answer 3

We have a bio son and adopted son.  BTW, the correct term is biological or adopted, not "my own."  Once you have been legally allowed by the court, they are all "your own."  And as a mom, there is NO DIFFERENCE in the way you raise these kids or the way you love them.  

We were certainly able to have more bio children, but chose not to because of economic factors for 12 years.  Then we decided to adopt because the need for adoptive parents was so great, and frankly, being pregnant was not the most fun experience.  Being fat, feeling sick, having Godawful painful labor, nursing...the list goes on.  We adopted a 2.5 year old boy from Ukraine who is a joy and a pleasure.  About 3 months of stress and potty training, then just a regular life with our new son and our bio son.

Having kids is not all about you and your feelings, it's about them and their lives.  They'll let you know all about it, too.  Being up with a kid vomiting all over you at 2 in the a.m. is not about cuddling a cute baby or "having him grow inside you."  These are nice, fuzzy  thoughts and feelings but the reality is that raising kids is HARD and expensive.  On the other hand, I wouldn't trade my sons or my life for anything.  I adore them and am proud of how they are growing up.  That's what it's about.

Answer 4

i think the real reason for kids is learning the responsibility of becoming a real adult and not only having to rely on yourself but having others rely on you aswel as much as it can be a pain having a child is a real learning experience

Answer 5

See I am like you in the sense adopting seems so right.  Because there are so many kids in the world that need to feel love, to be feed, and nurtured.  Yet some times I wonder how it would feel to be pregnant, and go through the whole process of giving birth.

Yet I think of the school aged kids in the US that need homes, and who are considered "unadoptable" because they're "too old" even when they're only 8 or 10 or 15.  

I know a family that had their own kids and adopted kids. They were a little biased of their biologicial kids but loved the adopted ones just as much. They adopted one of their kids right before he was 18 and he was so grateful for it.  he knew if he was not adopted he would have lived on the streets, and he was appericative of what he was given.  And that is a gratifying feeling, I think because he was able to really show them how wonderful the situation is.

Answer 6

When you are older and MARRIED and have a stable life...you will talk things over with your husband and it'll all become clear to you then.

Answer 7

Im all for adoption.  We have a 6.5 month old daughter (who is ours).  A few years down the road we would like to adopt.  I say if you want to adopt then your giving a wonderful gift to a child.  Theres nothing wrong with not having kids of your own, and adopting instead.

Answer 8

I wanted to have my own children to feel the joy of life growing inside of me.  To have something that only my husband and I could share, and that was creating a life ourselves.  Adoption is wonderful, though, and you're right, that's a child that otherwise may not have had a great home and family.  This is something that only you yourself can decide.  

P.S.  high five on the excellent name choice!!

Answer 9

If you are drawn to adopt, by all means go for it.  It's a wonderful thing to do.

You may want to talk first to some people who have been through the adoption process (domestic or international).  The friends I have who have adopted went through some substantial hurdles -- financial, bureaucratic, and emotional -- and some heartache along the way, though they did eventually end up with much-loved adopted children.  I definitely don't want to dissuade you, but it's just good to be prepared.