What are my options for communication after divorce?

Question

Here is the situation... my ex-husband is always trying to cause trouble. Every email I get from him contains some accusation of neglect that is completely ridiculous and untrue. He cc's his new wife and his lawyer. I would respond for a long time negating his statements but now I'm just getting completely done with dealing with him. Then I tried dealing with his new wife and I ended up getting at least two emails a day. She'll send one then get mad if I don't answer immediately... I work on computers all day... I don't check my email everyday nor can I receive personal email at work. I finally put a stop to dealing with her because she would complain to him then I'd just end up getting a nasty email from him anyway. I should point out here that all this has been going on since he was engaged to another woman (I got along great with this woman and we are still friendly which bugged him and continues to drive him crazy now)... he tried to make me look like the bad guy in our marriage. Our marriage ended when he started hitting me and would come home high on drugs... I would have neither in my house or near my children. I was just too stupid and humiliated at the time to call the police. I have physical custody and he barely visited the children until three years ago when he got into the serious relationship (with the ex-fiance)... he didn't take them every weekend until he got married to the second one.

The latest thing... (he gets visitation every weekend... I was overseas in the military when we got divorced and hired a lawyer I could afford which meant I got the short end of the stick in the divorce) is that I'm keeping the girls this coming weekend for a family reunion. He wrote me saying he noticed I had an SUV and my boyfriend has a sports car... then proceeded to 1. lecture me about properly transporting my children and 2. say how my children had been put in the same lap belt or on laps since my boyfriend returned from overseas and if I can't properly care for my children I should give them to him. This is absolutely untrue but now its been cc'd to his lawyer. His lawyer also takes it upon himself to contact me personally and I've told him it was inappropriate. My question is... do I have to accept email communication from my ex? Especially since it always contains accusations or derogatory things about me (the things he's called me would shock you... and yes, I've saved them all)? I really can't afford a lawyer (just had a baby and moved so my kids could be in the best school district around) right now so I don't even have the option to say "don't write me... write my lawyer". Is it horrible or make me look like an uncooperative mother to request only handwritten correspondence? Anyone gone through this?

Answer 1

Keep about 20 of the most abusive ones, for evidence, and block him. Send him (and her) a registered, receipt requested letter stating that, due to his abuse, you were not going to accept any more e-mail messages from him or his wife. Give him some options for communication - like when he will be by to pick up the kids for his weekend.

If he gets abusive on the phone, just hang up, and don't answer for an hour or two. (I assume you have Caller ID). Don't try to counter-argue, just hang up, very very softly, letting him vent into the void for 5, 10, 15 minutes. Sooner or later he will learn to be polite, maybe.

Answer 2

My friend is going through the exact same thing.  She got a seperate email account and refuses to answer anything that doesn't have to do with the children and their arrangements for the time he is with them.

She was getting twenty text messages a day - so she simply deletes them without reading them.  

Let his lawyer write to you if there is a problem - it will cost your ex.  And make sure you write back to the lawyer - again, it shouldn't cost you anything, but hopefully it will make him think twice when he gets the bill.

So my advice is to inform your ex (via his lawyer) that you find the constant barrage of emails harassing and that you would be obliged if they would limit their emails to arrangements for access.  And if that doesn't stop it, you will take action.  It is harassment.