What are my options in an 'open adoption' ?

Question

.... when Social Services say that the adoptive parents "choose not to communicate"??? I pu t my biological son up for adoption at the age of 2 and Ive always kept contact via sending letters/birthday cards etc... but I was told that they [the parents] choose not to have any contact with me.... for no reason, This has boggled my mind for 7yrs now. The thing is, my instincts tell me that I may have options, but I just dont know... A.N.Y suggestions or experience with this stuff, out there???HELP

Answer 1

Talk to the agency you worked with - they may know what your rights are.  I imagine you don't have any though - sorry :(

The openness in an adoption is not really legally binding, just kind of a verbal agreement.  It's too bad they're not honoring the fact that they entered an open adoption.

Answer 2

We have recently adopted here thru CAS in Ontario Canada. We have chosen not to allow presents or cards because our son, who spent a year in foster care, and who is only 4, cannot understand why he can get presents from his B-mom, but is not allowed to see her. It is just to confusing for him. After all it is his well being that must be protected over all else.

We did, however, tell the B-mom that she could send letters and pictures that we would compile for him for when he is old enough to understand. We also send the B-mom packages every four months with lots of pic, an update, and art work done by the kids.

My cousin is a B-mom with an open adoption, and continues to call her daughter once a month. However, if this becomes to hard for her daughter, than the agreement is that it will end immediately.

Here in Canada, as far as I know, once parental rights are stripped, it is completely up to the adoptive parents how open or closed it is, and the adoptive parents have the right to sever ties at any point.

Answer 3

Once the adoption is finalized the birthparents have no rights whatsoever. Even in “Open adoption” if the parents decide they want to stop it they can. The birthparents have absolutely no rights to the child, they gave that up when they signed their rights away or had them terminated.

You said you were sending letters/birthday cards to your birth child? So does that mean they had a semi open adoption to start with and later decided they didn’t want to do it anymore?  Though it’s wrong they didn’t contact you and tell you why, again in most cases they have every right to cease it if they feel like it.  More often then not “Open Adoption” is more of a verbal/moral agreement   and even if you happen to have some sort of contract signed the parents could have that overturned if they wanted.

Answer 4

My first reaction is that it is VERY unusual (if not unheard of) for state Social Services to allow ANY contact at all after a child is placed for adoption.  That is usually usually just what private adoption agencies do.  But moving along -- If they told you that you would have contact with the adoptive family and your child, then there should be a "Continuing Contact Agreement" somewhere. that all of you signed.  Ask for it.  You can ask for the state's attorney to give you a copy of everything you signed, as well.

Anyway -- my expereince (20 years) has been that there are some attorneys/agencies/social workers who may decide that the work related to keeping up with contact is too burdensome, so they may tell the bio mom AND the adoptive parents that the other doesn't want contact anymore.  (I know -- unethical, but it has happened.)  

So, please don't judge the adoptive parents too harshly until you find out what really happened.  Maybe the child is having emotional problems, or maybe they have marital problems, or maybe they moved and the state lost contact.  Sometimes the contact does become problematic for the child.  Usually not, but it is possible.  And maybe after talking to a counselor or adoption expert, the contact was stopped.  You obviously don't have the full story, and are entitled to it, if that was the agreement.  

Know your rights, and ask for written documents with your signature on them.  Good luck to you.  Remember, just keep the best interest of your son first, and you can't go wrong!

Answer 5

I don't think there are any options for you, unless your documents contain some sort of clause stating that it is an open adoption.

You can't force them to contact you. You can only leave the door open in case there is a day when your child comes looking for you.

Answer 6

They are probably afraid that the child will ask questions and why a "stranger" is sending the boy presents.  I don't think you have any rights but you could check with a lawyer or the agency your put your son up for adoption with.  The parents don't need to have contact with you if they don't want to and they don't need to let you see their child.

Answer 7

Once the adoption is final, I don't think the biological parents have any rights. If you have some sort of agreement in writing, you may have a leg to stand on, but I don't think so.

Answer 8

Open Adoption has many facets, however, if your adoption was "closed" then you may not have much of a choice until the child is 18.  This is a very tender area as well, especially if the adoptive parents are not informing the child of his/her adoption, it can be very traumatic if he/she finds out later rather than earlier.

With open adoption, normally, both sets of parents agree on certain terms. My agreement currently is letters and pictures twice a year, with the option to expand that, even consider visits at some point, however, both parties need to be comfortable with this, and honest enough to say when it is "beyond their comfort zone"...

Some families entertain visits "whenever" with biological parents, as they believe it is healthiest for the child. I agree with this to a certain degree, as what IS most important, is the welfare of the child.  

Keep trying, your child will eventually want to know who you are, and may pick up the ball and contact the agency him/herself, and find all of your wonderful, loving letters one day.  Just make sure that they "keep them" for you, just in case. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Unfortunately post adoption communications contracts are not legally enforceable in most jurisdictions and there is not much you can do. I would at least let Social Services know how to contact you at all times, that you are open to any and all communication, and even perhaps ask if they will keep a letter on file for your child should he/she look for you when he is older.

I am so sorry this happened.

Answer 10

I'm afraid once it is final the parents can do what ever they want. You can talk to the agency and see if its possible for you to get pictures through them instead of through the adoptive parents. But, when you do an open adoption there is no guarantee they will continue to do as they said they would. I am so very sorry for you as I know how painful a closed adoption is.