What are my rights and was my child violated?

Question

My son has been having behavioral problems in school mainly because he is a military child and we move a lot. Recently he has been doing a lot better. I firmly believe in spanking but never abuse. I have never hit or harmed my child to the point of any bruises or scars. Earlier this week he got into trouble at school for bullying another child. I spanked him. He went to school the next day and said he was going to be good cause he didnt want to get anymore whoopings (what we call it down south). Long story little short the teacher called child protection today they pulled him out of lunch questioned him and made him get nude in a classroom. He came home said a man made me pull my pants down today. I was hot!! I feel very violated and so does he, needless to say with what I teach him about private parts he is very confused! Were our rights as parents violated and was his also?

Answer 1

Your rights were ABSOLUTELY violated, IMO.  If there is an allegation against you, they HAVE to tell you.  There's even a time limit on when they must notify you by.

They shouldn't be allowed to strip search a child without your consent, or a court order.  Call a lawyer and find out what the law is in your state.  Also ASK IF THEY TOOK PICTURES.

In your own defense, take him to a doctor right away.  Have your own documentation that he is in good physical condition, not abused or neglected in anyway.

Furthermore, make a counseling appointment for your son right away.  Make sure CPS knows how you feel about your son being violated and traumatized, but be very calm about it.  They love to document "crazy out of control" parents and turn your absolutely justifiable feelings against you, making them seem rational.

I'm so sorry.  What they did was terrible.  It's close to impossible to sue CPS, but it is possible.  You do still have rights.  You are entitled to a copy of the report that led to his "search" because they HAVE to tell you the nature of the allegations against you.  Try reading the book, "Anonymous Tip" by Michael Farris.  The book is fiction, but the law in it is solid.  It may give you some ideas about your rights and what you can and cannot do.

Again... I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  Ignore the previous poster who thinks spanking leads to violence.  There's absolutely no proof of that bizarre insane theory of psychology.  You keep doing your best with your son under these difficult circumstances, and your family will walk away from this insanity just fine. **hugs**

Answer 2

.....they have a right to do that...but I hope they explained what they where doing to your son and why.....unfortunatly you said you whooped him...a teacher has to report it even if you don't spank hard she doesn't know that......also look at the big picture one minute forget about child services and everything........your son is bullying other children that is a use of intimidation,right....what do you do in return spank him...is that a use of intimidation?... your son is just coping you.....if you spank because your son hit what message are you giving...it is ok to hit only if I am bigger and stronger...is that what you really want..or do you want him to learn that hitting is wrong.....I believe that sometimes it helps to spank..ex:if its is a life or injury situation like touching the stove...I would hit his bottom and say no when he would go near to touch the stove or try to cross the street without holding my hand...but to hit because he hit is not a good message to send......it is good child services came they will help you learn new ways to disipline your child....I have problems with my oldest and I went to get help from them and they are a good sent....also I have been there too....I don't believe in hitting but my ex for some funny reason thought I beat my girl....2 times in  row when he took my 3 year old(then 2) she had a blackeye she always fell at that age and bumped anything and everything...so his mom asked her how she got her eye my son said mommy did it...so she called child survices they came un annonced and looked at my girl undressed her to check her out questioned my son...questioned her daycare....questioned me....and I never heard from them again.....

Answer 3

BOTH your rights were violated!  There is nothing wrong or illegal with spanking a child, and no teacher has the right to undermine your authority by suggesting that you are in the wrong for disciplining him.  I would call the principal and the teacher and set up a meeting with them both.  

As for CPS, I would call a lawyer if I were you.  They humiliated your son already, and they might not stop at that.  They need very little reason or excuse to pull a child out of a loving home and throw them into foster care.  I wouldn't take that risk.

Answer 4

Laws are diffrent from state to state but If I were you I would get a Lawyer. Now child protection services considers just about everything child abuse including spanking.

Answer 5

OMG were they assessing him for bruising? I sometimes think school does more harm than good for our children. I firmly believe you should take this further. Good luck. Hope your son is going to be okay.

Answer 6

I sympothise with you as a fellow mother (with two kids). My kids are really misbehaving and I also hit them as hard as I can (sometimes with objects) when they're acting wrong. This doesn't sound like procedure, especially because "whooping" isn't a crime per se. I'd contact a lawyer and try and sue the pants off your school district. Your child was violated and might have psycological problems down the road. I advise you call a lawyer and explain what happened. I definitly think you have a case here.

Answer 7

If childprotective services had a Dr look at him to see if he had bruises or anything on his bottome or legs (usually they do an all over body check for abuse cases) then he was not violated.  And when you have childrens services called for possible child abuse you don't have many rights either.  When you hit a child you are always asking for trouble, most states are now considering this childabuse so technically you were abusing your son to them.  I doubt that they made him get nude in the classroom but if they did this may be a problem that can be brought up but when they are investigating abuse courts don't usually listen to the "abusers"

Answer 8

Oh my god, for soooo many reasons get a good lawyer. I believe the military can help you find one. The main reason being that you need to protect your family, and this can get way out of hand once it gets to this point. If he feels violated, he was. End of story. Explain to him that they were just trying to protect him, because there are a lot of kids whose parents are bad to them, and are afraid to tell anyone because they don't want to get hurt again. and that these people just wanted to make sure that he wasn't being hurt.

For so many reasons call a laywer see what can be done, then go public like the news. As long as you stay silent this kind of bull will continue.

Answer 9

most important -- tell your son that the school was just concerned whether he was okay, and had a doctor checking that he didn't have any injuries that needed taking care of.  if you're upset about this, don't share that with your son.  it's not at all useful for him to start being afraid of going to school.  please reassure him that everything is fine.

beyond that -- teachers are required by law to report suspected abuse.  while it's true that spanking with your hand that doesn't leave a mark is generally not considered abuse, the teacher wasn't there to know that is what happened, and was probably responding to some comment your child made.  if a kid is at school complaining about being hit by their parents, there is always the possibility that real abuse is going on, and as a society we've decided that the teachers need to report it so it can be investigated ... so that appropriate steps can be taken to protect the kids if real abuse is going on.  i'm sure you'd agree that in cases of real abuse, it's a relief that somebody is stepping in on the kids' behalf.

in this case, it sounds like they investigated and found no problem.  i'm sure i'd be upset too if somebody accused me of hurting my kids, because i'd sooner die than do that.  i don't blame you for being mad for being falsely accused, or for being upset that your child was put through the investigation, but please also consider it from the teacher's point of view.  it's possible your child was complaining to friends that he was still hurting or that you had hit him really hard or something.  i honestly would rather have a teacher care enough about my kid to look into that further than to have them ignore it.

Answer 10

You have no rights at all against child protective services unfortunatley. They do not have to tell you that they are going to talk to your child or anything. I also would like to say one thing if your child is hitting other children how much since does it make to hit him. Aren't you just showing him that when your angry you hit people? I think if they got involved something must have came out. I think it would be wise to go to counseling to prevent yourself from loosing your son. Also the law is you may spank your child open handed over clothes not more than two times... that is the federal law for social services.

Answer 11

Be prepared to go through a few months of in home visits.  Similar thing happened to my cousin.  Did the school provide a witness during the the questioning?  If your son was alone during this ordeal I think you have a case.  Get as much information as you can and either contact the BOE or police.

Answer 12

This can turn into a big problem in a very short time. I have had experiences similar to yours, when my daughter was three she tried to jump out of the car. We were going about 45 mph! I did what any parent would do in an extreme situation like this: pulled over and and spanked her. What else could I do?

Well a concerned motorist called the police, who pulled in the driveway right behind me when I  finally  got home!

But they understood, once I explained my situation. They also suggested that I go to counseling.

They told me that it is not illeagal to spank unless you leave marks, then it is abuse.

Answer 13

Call a lawyer immediately.  The laws are different from state to state.

Answer 14

I don't know what state you're in now but you have to be VERY careful.  I'm in California and CPS can intervene if a child has been struck for any reason.  A woman my sister works with had her daughter taken away temporarily because in class, she made a comment offhand about her dad hitting her with something.  They had been playing around with an empty tissue box and hitting it around like a volleyball, nothing more.  But the teacher overheard, and CPS was there at the end of the school day and they put her in foster care that afternoon! It took a couple of days before she was cleared to come home. I've even been told to be careful about posting on a public message board that you spank your child.  

The other posters are right that you need to talk to a lawyer and make sure you're protected.  

As for what to tell your son, that is rough. I think take the route that "they were worried that you had been hurt, and needed to make sure you were okay."  

I am so sorry your son went through this horrible violation.

Answer 15

Well did you mark him? The authorities have a responsibility to keep an eye on our kids...he must have said something to concern the teacher....when the authorities miss cases of abuse we are quick to blame them...but when they check up on kids then that isnt good enough either....teachers dont generally call child protection unless they are worried...if you feel that a real mistake was made, then I suggest you call a meeting with the teacher and the head of the school....they would not ask your permission to examine him because if you were abusing him then naturally you would not agree.

Answer 16

You have a case, your child was searched and was stripped nude without your consent. Not to mention in front of a class, very unprofessional. You can argue on psychological problems in the future and score high in punitive damages. Sorry about the experience. :s

Answer 17

they can't make him strip I'd call a Lawyer