What are my rights as a mother of an unborn child?

Question

I was taken advantage of by a friend and became pregnant. I never did report it and now wish I had because he has found out that I'm pregnant and has hired a lawyer to stop me from giving it up for adoption. He is an abusive person and hasn't stopped harrasing me since he found out. He leaves threat messages on my phone all the time even after I've told him not to call me again. I'm now in the process of getting a restraining order but will that do any good when I want to put this child up for adoption? His lawyer has said he "as the father" has rights to stop the adoption. For my child I would NEVER pick a single father like him to raise my baby! If he can really stop me, I've agonized over whether or not to abort this child (I'm still under 20 weeks) & save myself and my child a hellish life with some father harrasing us for the rest of our lives. I live in British Columbia, Canada & don't know what exactly my rights are. I'm on disability & don't have $$ for legal fees & lawyers.

Answer 1

First off...start calling the police when he leaves messages like that.  You need to get in touch with family services, and find out your options.  You can apply for legal aid to get yourself a lawyer to fight back. Don't just abort a baby out of spite.  You would regret it in the end.  He needs to take a DNA test forst of all to prove he's the father.  But unfortunately if you chose to put it up for asoption, and him as the biological father wants him, I think he can get it.  Contact legal aid.  British Columbia has some great government websites that can really give you some good information

Answer 2

you said that he took advantage of you, so I assuming you mean he raped you-  please report him immediately- first of all he abused you, and if he gets to have a part of your child's life who knows what he may do your child.  Report the harassments and I hope that you kept some documentations of them, for example some of the voice messages- that will help your case-  do not abort your baby-  what good would that do- you would still have a horrible man around, without the precious baby-  if the law is what it should be, HE IS THE ONE THAT NEEDS PUNISHING- not the precious child you are carrying- did you know that a baby can survive outside the womb at around 21 weeks?  Did you know everything that is there will be except smaller at birth=- and your baby's heart was beating 3 weeks after conception- most likely before you even knew you were pregnant.  There are lawyers that will take cases like this pro-bono-  without charge- do not punish the child for the father's sin.  Adoption is a great idea. Hang in there if you can email, and want to talk , please do, I have counseled women in your situation

Answer 3

If you contact an adoption agency and tell them you are planning on giving up your baby, they might be able to help you with the legal issues. Sometimes the couple that wants to adopt the baby will pay for your medical and legal fees. I would contact an agency now, because the court hasn't told you that you cannot and I wouldn't listen to his lawyer until he provides you with legal proof.

Answer 4

As others have stated, I am sure Canada has lawyers that will help you pro-bono. Perhaps contact a woman's shelter and see if they have any suggestions.

I think your first step should be to make a report of the rape, then start documenting the harassment.

Unfortunately the harassment may not be enough to get his parental rights terminated. I don't know, but a lawyer should. This is too serious to get advice from this forum, please professional legal advice ASAP!

Answer 5

If he is abusing you need to document everything any phone calls, letters, emails he sends you. Has he ever been physical abusive towards you?   Do have anyone else that can attest to his abusive ways?  A witness who saw him being abusive?  Since you were taking advantage of this baby can also be proof of that. If you can do all this it would be possible the courts would see him unfit and automatically terminated his rights, then you wouldn’t need his approval to place the baby for adoption.

Answer 6

Get a small tape recorder and tape all the phone messages. I had to do this with a woman that was harrassing me. I had hours and hours of her on tape.  Make sure the dates and times of the messages left, including the year, are on the tapes, if not state them before you re-record them.

Write down every confrontation that takes place in person or in public that can not be taped. Document every time, date, every harrassment, etc... just get a spiral notebook and be sure to use dates and times. List any witnesses to the harrassments if there are any, and use ink.

I live in the U.S. and have been told by the authorities that you can tape any conversation that you are a part of. You can not tape a conversation between two other people. Not sure if this holds true in your area but you can call the local authorities and find out. I took my written logs and my tapes to court. I won. I taped most of our conversations and made sure I was calm when we talked. They put a trace on my phone and confirmed every call I listed in a two week period. (this went on for over a year) She was trying to make me out to be the one harrassing her and when they went through my writings and listened to her on tape she was toast.

Answer 7

Please don't abort your child! There is hope.

Document document document! If you have proof of his harrasment it will better your case against him. Get a friend or family member to help you with this if possible (witnesses are good). An adoption agency will help you if you are seriously considering adoption.  Some will help you with anything that you need, including a safe place to live during your pregnancy if you need one and will pay for all of the legal expenses etc.  They will also know the laws surrounding this issue. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you. You must be very scarred right now, just hang in there, an answer to this will come. (Nice to see a fellow Canadian on here btw!)

(Edited to omit some info. that was unessisary. Thanks for the kind person who helped me to see my error.)

Answer 8

What a terrible situation for you!  

I think the first thing you need to do is document, like it was suggested above.  You need to build your case.  Saving those threatening phone messages are a big one.  I know the US has places (Legal Aid) that offer free legal advice.  I'm sure Canada has something similar.  Or you could find a lawyer willing to do your case for free (pro bono).  

Good luck to you!

Answer 9

As the father, he does have those right.  Unfortunately, you may have to go through a legal battle proving he took advantage of you...which would eliminate his 'right'.  

I think your baby is better off with him as a father than not alive at all, I would pick that if I were the baby making that choice, so I think you're right to avoid the abortion.  

You don't have to pay for legal counsel (although if you could afford it, I'd suggest it), as the district attorney would be responsible for the fight against him.  Good luck.

Answer 10

I would do everything I can to stop this abusive man to have any right for this child. Document everything. I would not fight this alone in court. You will be needing a good and hard lawyer. There is always a way to find a good lawyer to help you with a low income. You need to fight for your child. Do NOT aboard this child. It's killing your child if you do you will always regret it. Plus it is not the babies child so why hurt this unborn child?

Answer 11

Hi Mjaay,

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time now.  You ask what your rights are.  Right now as a pregnant woman, you have the right to continue that pregnancy to term or to terminate the pregnancy if you do not wish to be a mother at this time.

If you choose to continue with the pregnancy and give birth, then you and the father of the baby both have legal rights to raise the child you made together, assuming that neither of you do anything to endanger the baby or to voluntarily or involuntarily forfeit parenting rights.   Help is available if you want to be a mother and need more resources to do so.

If you continue with your pregnancy, you would also have the option to later relinquish your parenting rights after the child is born.  If you do, that does not relinquish HIS parenting rights.  Mothers do not have that option.  The mother & father always have first legal rights to raise their children.  If he also chooses to relinquish his parenting rights then other alternatives can be considered.  Hopefully you will think about keeping the child in the family with another relative if possible, if you do not feel you could be a full-time mother.  

If you choose to bring a child into the world, remember they are a human with rights too.  They will want to know both sides of their family.  Even if both of you relinquish your child and he/she is adopted by strangers, keep in mind the child will very likely want to know both of you someday.

If there is any chance any other man could be the father, be sure to ask for DNA testing.  Hope this helps.  Good luck making your decisions.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 12

First of all report him for the rape. You are still within the time frame to report it. As you have become pregnant there will be evidence when the baby is born.

Still get your restraining order and tell the police that he is stalking you ever since he found out that you became pregnant as a result of the rape. Keep the threatening messages as evidence.

If you have any other questions the people to talk to are the police.

Answer 13

Any poster that sends you to one specific adoption agency that they've paid off to find them a baby & then lists their personal website advertising their desire to adopt a baby isn't going to answer your question honestly, they're going to attract you with their honey in an attempt to get their hands on YOUR baby.

In Canada, you may tape any conversation you wish but in order to use it against someone in court you must be heard on that recording telling them that you are recording it.

Since your on disability, try contacting your caseworker, you won't be the first client they've had with legal troubles. Now is the time to get the ball rolling before your baby is born. Record, keep notes about every little thing.

Only you can make the decision of weither to keep, place your child, or end the pregnancy. No body else here has to walk in your footsteps & live with your decision everyday for the rest of your life.

There are charities that will help you with anything you may need for yourself or your baby, but seriously think twice before contacting an adoption agency.