What are signs your having a nervous breakdown?

Question

Iam a single mother of 3 boys, the oldest being 20 the youngest 8.. My oldest son hates me because i was with an abusive man (not his father) for most of his life, and now he resents me. I have sinced divorced the guy, but my boy utterly hates my guts, he calls me names like w***e...c...t..*****,,,he uses me for every penny I have, because he has a child and knows i love his baby, so he uses her against me. threatening to take her away if i dont give him what he wants. I have given him so much all his life, i tried to be a good mother to all my boys, but living with an abusive man, it was so hard to make everyone happy. now 21 years later, i feel as if im just going to lose my mind. I have never really had thoughts of suicide, but now...Im seriously thinking about it. The kids would be better off without me. My job sucks. My boyfriend now, whom i love very much, is an alcoholic and is constantly flirting with FAT WOMEN. because thats his type. I mean before me, thats all he dated. So now im insecure about that. He is a good looking thin man. I feel so ugly. Even though Im NOT ugly, I have guys always telling me how beautiful I am, but I dont feel beautiful. I hate my life. I hate myself...Will I go to h**l if I commit suicide??? I want to make sure, because I want to see my mom again and shes in heaven...I dont have anyone else to ask, so I thought i would ask you guys.. Thank you all.

Answer 1

I've been there so I understand how you feel even though I don't identify with your situation. My heart goes out to you though.

It looks like you near or in a nervous breakdown. (I've had a few from the time I was around 15 - 28).

I think though since you are thinking about taking your life you need to get some help ASAP.

I as a therapist a few times over the years and that helped a lot. Plus I was in a mental hospital twice as a teen due to trying to kill myself.

Some states do have free mental health programs if you can't afford one.

I'd suggest calling your doctor or even your OB/GYN. My OB/GYN is the one who put me on antidepressants after I had a nervous break down after the birth of my 3rd child. It was due to post P. depression & many other things.

Your doctor can lead you to the right place to get help.

As for wanting to take your life. I've been there and a few weeks ago out of the blue depression hit me full force again yet I was able to fight my way out of it after about 2-3hrs. I did want to die, but knew that God had better plans for me.

Some things you may tell yourself during these times are all lies & you have to see that or you won't get anywhere.

I have serious chronic health issues and often WISH my husband & kids would leave me so they could have a normal wife or mom. BUT I know in my heart that they love me and they would be crushed without me no matter how awful I think of myself.

I will pray for you & please contact your dr so he/she can get you some help.

Also remind yourself that if you take your life are not only hurting yourself but the ones you love. No matter how much you think they will be better off without years from now YOUR GRANDCHILDREN will be without a GRANDMA. The man God created for you will be without a woman.

Hugs

Answer 2

I think you are putting way too much energy into dealing with negative men, that could be the root of all of your problems.  Does it matter if your boyfriend flirts with fat women or skinny women.  The bottom line is that he is flirting, period (obviously where you can witness his flirting).  You state that you are not ugly, but it sounds like you believe that you are.  You need immediate counseling for self-esteem and also family counseling so you can have a healthy relationship with your kids.  You stated that your kids were exposed to abuse, naturally they will respond to role-model examples that they are exposed to.  Start with counseling, because it sounds like all of you could benefit.  Good luck with this.

Answer 3

what's the point in suicide?  you still have children who are dependent on you and you're going to abandon them?  They'd tell you that they aren't better off without you.  I don't know if there is a h**l but if there is according to most Christian teachings that's where suicides go--because you've killed the only person who can forgive you and you don't have any opportunity to have remorse for your actions and you can't attone for them because you're already dead.

yes you are having a nervous breakdown, an emotional collapse, depression.  The fact that you look at suicide as an option is your big clue.  your self loathing is another.

1.  get rid of the alcoholic BF.  Don't get involved with another man until you are healed and ready to have a healthy relationship with someone who is spiritually whole, mentally healthy and not addicted.  Your taste in men right now is c**p and shouldn't be trusted until you've done the hard work of healing your psyche.

2.  you taught your oldest son how to be an abusive man and that's what he's become and now you are allowing him to abuse you.  Befriend the baby's mama so you can still have access to the baby.  Stand up to your son and stop giving him money.  You can't make anyone happy except for yourself.  Happiness comes from within.

3.  Get into therapy ASAP.  You may not have to go long 6 months to a year.  It will help you get your head screwed on straight so you can see what all your options are and death isn't one of them--I know that for a fact.  if you don't have an EAP through work then check with your county services for reduced cost therapists or your local women's shelter for free or reduced cost therapists or support groups.

4.  once you've finished your therapy.  Apologize to your children for disrespecting yourself so much that you stayed with a man who was not good for any of you.  Tell your oldest son that you let him down by exposing him to the violence you experienced and that you are going to be a better mother starting now by demanding that he show you respect and treat you like a human being and not like you allowed your ex to treat you.  Inform him that the free ride is over.  Recommend your therapist to him to heal his own issues.  DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO MANIPULATE YOU ANY MORE.

5.  once you've finished your therapy (or during if work isn't paying for it) you need to re-evaluate your job/career choice and decide if the depression is making you hate your job or if you really hate your job and need to do something else.  Explore your career options:  do you want something else within the same company or field or are you ready for something new all together.  Do you want or need to go back to school (It's NEVER too late to make a change or go back to school).  Don't think that money is an issue.  Scholarships, grants, loans, they're all out there if you know where to look.  Sometimes you can cut a deal with your employer  (friend is dental hygenist and is going to school to be an oral surgeon.  her employer will reimburse her for every medical and science class she makes an A in, they also want to keep her on once she becomes a surgeon and have her join the practice)

This is your life.  Make up your mind to treat yourself well and don't allow anyone access to you who won't treat you as well as you treat yourself.

Good Luck.