What are some favorite old adages or sayings that people find funny?

Question

For instance: I often say things like "Well bless your pea-pickin heart" OR "Well ain't that quaint!" "He/she ain't got brains God gave a lizard." List yours please.

Answer 1

"can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear"

Answer 2

A friend is someone who knows all about you, and likes you anyway.

Answer 3

"If a tree falls in a forest, and hits a mime, does anybody say anything about it?"

"Bless my bloomers!"

"Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids."

Answer 4

can't get blood out of a turnip.