What are some funny jokes? 10 points!!!?

Question

i dont care what kind of joke it is. the longer a little better. i like story jokes so first one to make me laugh gets the ten points.!

Answer 1

A young man's mother was a very devout Buddhist. From dawn til dusk she would chant buddha's name and pray. Her son was annoyed by it so he decided to play a little trick on his mom. One day on some pretext he called out "mother" his mother answered peacefully. He called out a second time she answered the same way. when he called out a third time she started to get a little irritated. By the sixth time she was almost ready t strangle him. When she asked him why he did that he said I only called out six times and look how irritated you got while on the other hnd you calll out buddhas name hundreds of time a day.

Answer 2

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"  

Answer 3

let ronnie corbett tell it

http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvcqPjnrKP...

Answer 4

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."  

Answer 5

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Mandy!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the blonde," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'."

Answer 6

I was taking money out at the ATM the other day when an old lady came up to me and asked "would you mind checking my balance for me"

So I pushed her and she fell over

Answer 7

  



     One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like c**p.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

Answer 8

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York

City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among

the instructions at the entrance is a description of how

the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six

floors and the value of the products increase as the

shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any

item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to

the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to

exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a

husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor,

where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are

Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead

Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead

Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong

Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth

floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists

solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened

a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love s*x.

The second floor has wives that love s*x and have money

and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never

been visited

Answer 9

if u want a really funny joke check dis out http://jokes.astraweb.com/display.cgi?r=...