What are some hobbies for women going through a loss?

Question

Over three years ago I gave my baby up for open adoption because I felt I was not fiancially nor mentally mature enough to raise a child. Now that I have matured, I find myself missing her more and more. I have been contemplating picking up a hobby so that I can take my mind of things and start the healing process that I had thought I had completed 2 years ago. Anyone have any suggestions? I was thinking something crafty/working with hands. Thanks!

Answer 1

Hobbies are great past times.  It sounds like you know the sort of activities you like.

You might also want to consider getting involved in an online community for women who have relinquished.

Check out:

http://www.origins-usa.net

http://www.cubirthparents.org

Answer 2

Well, this almost certainly won't take your mind off your daughter, but if it isn't too emotional for you to do, it might be healing for you and her. And it is crafty.

The craft is scrapbooking, but this is a very particular type of scapbook called a lifebook. A lifebook is a special book that helps an adopted child come to terms with her beginnings. I have been working on one for my daughter, and even though it is not finished, she loves to look at it and it often brings up very strong emotions.

Here is a link to a post by a first mother who discusses making a lifebook for her son:

http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/cr...

Here is a link to all of her posts on lifebooks or scrapbooking:

http://open.adoptionblogs.com/c1538

This blog entry describes a first mother and adoptive mother that worked on a lifebook together. I don't know if that could work for you, but it might be very healing for your daughter:

http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/ad...

I wish you all the best in your healing journey, whatever forms it may take.

Answer 3

How about a scrapbook, showing how your life was then, with notes explaining how you chose to give this child a better life than you could provide.  Make it a book of love, and that way, when you eventually cross paths again, and in today's society, more and more kids find their birth parents, you'll have something made just for her, showing her it was an act of love.  Also, have pictures of cousins, grandparents, and all extended family members, complete with names.  What you did was a beautiful thing.  I wish that those who want to have a child could, and those who aren't ready couldn't, but unfortunately, life doesn't work that way, and people get hurt.

Answer 4

I think it might be more productive for you to talk to somebody you trust (who will REALLY listen) about your loss. But if that's not feasible, it might help you to "talk to yourself" in a journal or diary about it. That way your hands would stay busy, and you'd be able to mentally work through your loss. Plus if your daughter  ever found you, it'd be great proof that you never forgot about her and that it was not an easy decision.

Of course, if none of this sounds good, you can always taking up knitting, sewing, stitching, painting, reading, cooking, or drawing.

Hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck. :)

Answer 5

It's always good to have a hobby, but seriously, you've been through a loss. You need love and support. Find a support system and let your feelings out. Ignoring them won't make them go away. I am so sorry for your pain. When I was told that I couldn't see my daughter anymore, it was "open", my counselor asked, "What do you love to do?" I said, "Ride my bike." He told me that I needed to go do that the next day. I got up at the crack of dawn and rode to who knows where, when it got dark, I didn't know where I was. I was so whacked out, I didn't think about planning my ride back. I was a mess. Thank God I had a counselor who saw me everyday, and then on days I didn't go in, we talked on the phone for a few minutes.

Best wishes.

"Lauren's" first mom

Sam's mom

Answer 6

Make a scrapbook all about you...start with when you found out you were pregnant, and go from there...include letters to your daughter and keep up on the book...then when she is older and able to understand, give it to her as a gift so that she can know all about you and know why you did what you did...it might also help to volunteer at a children's hospital, where you could sit down with sick kids and do arts and crafts with them...they get lonely and thrive on attention...or if you want to do something with your hands, take up pottery or sculpting, or start a garden in her honor...there may also be a support group near you that could help...just hang in there and be strong...it will get better!

Answer 7

As group of friends we sit arounds sipping wine and knitting blankets for the homeless.  It takes my mind off things.  I did run across this site cafemom.com.  They have firstmother groups.  It may be nice to talk to other women in your situation.  I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

I crochet tiny caps for the premature babies at our local hospital. I also make bath and beauty supplies, nothing like a glass of good wine, sappy 80's tunes, homemade soaps and a steamy bath to relieve stress.

Answer 9

Crafts and hobbies are a good thing but you should try to deal with your problems instead of try to ignore them. Maybe you can go check on your baby without actually seeing her can you call the family? just to make sure she is ok and healthy? just be happy that your baby is happy and has a good life! good luck

Answer 10

I recommend hugging and crying.  Both great hobbies!  LOL

No, but seriously.  I crochet and cross stitch.  I know how to knit, but I prefer crocheting.  I also recently fell in love with scrapbooking and card making.

I feel for you!  Please take care of yourself!

ETA:  I really hope that didn't sound crass.  I'm dealing with my own grief issues right now, but I love to laugh, so I just combined the two...I sincerely hope that first line doesn't offend.

Answer 11

You might learn to knit or crochet, and create things for sale or donation.  Project Linus  is always in need of blankets, and Warm Woollies takes any kind of woolen socks or sweaters in any size for children around the world.

http://www.warmwoolies.org/

http://www.projectlinus.org/