What are some military jokes?

Question

What are some military jokes?

Answer 1

here are some really good ones:

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/defaul...

Answer 2

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

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Answer 3

The US military.

On second thoughts their incompetence isn't funny.

Answer 4

Some USMC jokes for you..

http://lavadog23.webs.com/usmcjokesquote...

Answer 5

I LOVE THIS ONE!!!

A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.  The little boy was playing with a pile of $hit.  Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of $hit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO".  

The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his CPT.  Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of $hit, the CPT asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO".

The CPT being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG.  When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of $hit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO".  

"Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG.  

The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough $hit to build an officer"

Answer 6

Marines = g*y

Answer 7

Delta Force is a complete joke.I guess the Navy Seals are one too.

Answer 8

Heres some military humor.

You May Be a Taliban, If ...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that Nokia cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

There's lots more out there, you're just gonna have to find it. :)

Answer 9

What is the difference between a female Marine and a C-130??

Not everyone has been on a C-130.

Nick Name, bite a big fat one. The U.S. Military is one of the most professional organizations in the world. The only incompetence is your parents not being able to figure out how to use a condom correctly, thus preventing the world the hardship of having to deal with you!

Answer 10

British paras motto.....Last one dead is a cissy.