What are some options for a teenage girl who wants to parent, but will not be allowed to come home if she...?

Question

If somebody could give me some options to give her for parenting without the assistance of relatives, that would be great? Maybe her parents will change their mind after she has the baby, but right now we are exploring all her options.

Answer 1

Well, it would be good if the parents do melt when they see their grandbaby. It does happen in many instances.  However, for right now checking into available services through the Department of Social Services, local churches and women's organizations sounds like a start.

I also just want to add that about a month ago, I asked moms -- all moms -- about sacrifices that made for their children and if they'd do it all over again.  Every one of them said that because they love their children, they'd do it again in a heartbeat, and that those sacrifices felt like no sacrifice at all.  These were moms who had their children at various ages and under various circumstances -- married, single, younger, older, adoption and non-adopted.

These 'sacrifices' included things like college.  I know that this gal was planning nursing school, and that's great.  It just might be that she'll have to put it off for a bit while her baby is still quite small.  It doesn't mean forever.  Several of the moms said that they went to school when there children got a little older.

In the meantime, though, I'd sure have her check around to social services organizations and churches.  There are options available for young, single moms just starting out.

Answer 2

Well she could go to the courts and ask to be emancipated. She would have to prove that she could care for herself and the child. I'm fairly sure it is illegal for her parents to tell her not to return if she keeps her child.

Answer 3

Let me tell you about a similar situation that happened 13 years ago.

A pregnant and very afraid 17 year old girl was told the very same thing. Her son was born prematurely and the day he was released from intensive care her belongings were put out on the lawn. Imagine being afraid for your medically fragile child's life as well as homeless. NOT FUN. Thankfully a kind family she had never met (friends of the absentee father) allowed her and her son to stay with them. She had her own space and paid room and board. She also offered babysitting for the young couple's 14 month old son. She was able to watch this couple and learn how to care for her own child. She stayed with them until her son was 5 months old when she was approved for low income housing and an upgrading program.

It isn't about taking care of this young woman while she is pregnant. It is about empowering her to be the best mother she can be. It is also about helping her access community resources and funding so that she will be prepared (and hopefully housed) when her child is born.

Answer 4

I'm sorry people are bashing you (or you feel they are) for feeling that you cannot allow this girl and baby to live with you for the next 6 years.. if you can't, you can't.. YOUR first responsibility is to YOUR family.. YOu're doing a great thing by helping this girl the way you are, and I feel secure that you WILL find a solution for her..

Did you ever respond to the suggestion that she live with the aunt and uncle.. If they are willing to take the child until the mother is ready to "go it alone" then wouldn't they take her as well? As I suggested, she can get a job to help pay for her "room and board" You know, help aunt and uncle out for the increased expenses that they'll have with her living with them... probably alot sooner than she thinks, (probably by the time she's 18 or 19) she'll be ready to move out on her own with her child..

I still think it's MUCH better for her to be with the baby through it all.. not to give it away and then expect it to know her as "mommy" when it's 4,5, or 6...

I'll pray for her.. others are right.. grandparents don't have much resistence when it comes to their grandchild.. likely they will fall in love and be willing to help her.. Meanwhile help her learn responsibility, so she can show them (OR her aunt and uncle) that she's not expecting them to "do all the work" But help out JUST ENOUGH that she can finish her education..

I wish her the best luck, and thank you for all you're doing to help keep this mother and baby together.. if she didn't have ANYONE like you to turn to, maybe she would have felt she had to chose aboriton.. and that is an aweful thing.. so thank you...

Answer 5

I think that it is great of you to take care of her UNTIL she has the baby, but honestly, it isnt your responsibility to take care of her, it is her parents.  I would talk to her about what her options are and try to appeal to her parents point of view.

Answer 6

Just to get the answer straight are you her Aunt ? or not ?

Answer 7

Her parents are in shock and angry. After she has the baby, invite them over. Let them hold their grandchild. Things will change. It's not reality yet.

Best wishes. You are wonderful!

Answer 8

Here are some links to explore with her.

http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild....

http://www.girl-mom.com/

http://www.cms.hhs.gov/MedicaidEligibili...

http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Benefi...

http://www.planningfamily.com/pfcpa6/?tc...

I just read your other post about her looking into adoption. She should read this:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa...

She needs to understand as well as she can that if she doesn't become responsible for her child starting NOW, and if she chooses adoption for her baby there are some very real negative consequences for her and her child.

good luck!

I think you're wonderful for helping her in this way. I lost my son to adoption in large part because I didn't have support.

Answer 9

can she stay with you if the aunt and uncle can't/won't take the baby?

maternity homes are PRISONS according to many. many birthmothers.  don't send her there.  they'll coerce her into giving her baby away.

Answer 10

Don’t feel bad you’re doing a lot for this girl by just being her friend and allowing her to live with you all during her pregnancy. To have her and the baby live with you all for a few years IMO is asking a lot. It’s easy for some on here to suggest that, but would they be willing to take this poor girl and baby in for several years? If so please privately email Maggie and maybe it can be arranged. So don’t feel bad that you don’t want to do this. Do you know her parents? Its seems maybe they feel she is going to hand the baby off to them and they will do the majority of the rising.  If you could explain to this girl and them that she would be fully responsible for the baby that she would have to work out some type of care for the child when she is at work or school. Maybe her parents could pay strictly diapers and she had to some how get the rest.  That when she is not at either of this places that the baby is with her, its her that gets up when the baby wakes at night, or is ill, not Grandma and Grandpa.

What about her Aunt and Uncle they wanted to adopt the baby but would they allow her and the baby to come live with them at least till this girl gradates or gets her ged and a  stable job?

Where is the baby’s father in this? Perhaps his family would be willing to help her out.

If she has no family to support her well there is government assistance, you might take her to a local office and they can explain programs to her and maybe get her signed up for them.

Answer 11

You say nothing of the father of the baby. Is he aware of the pregnancy?

Have the baby's paternal grandparents had any say in what happens?

Answer 12

Can she continue to stay with you?  Why will her parents not allow her to come home? Is it fair to send her back when they are treating her with such contempt?

"Adopt" the child and the mother. This girl needs a family who will care what happens to her.

Answer 13

Would the aunt and uncle live with her and help her parent?  I didn't have a chance to answer your question earlier, but I think it would be rough on her and the baby to have another set of parents  while she completes high school and goes to nursing school and then says "OK ....now I'll be your mom."

You seem to care a lot about her, could she stay with you?  There are all kinds of aid available, programs for first time teen moms.  I don't know what state you're in, but check with social services in your area.

Are you sure she can't go home?  People say things when they are angry.  My friend's dad did not speak ONE word to her from the time she said she was pregnant until she and the baby began to have trouble during birth...then he realized he could lose them both!  She lived with them for 3 years...he couldn't love that baby any more than he does.

What about Job Corps?  Do they work with teen moms?  Call some agencies.

These are the kind of birth moms I see the push to keep together, she wants to parent her baby.......help her!

Answer 14

There is always public assistance and I'm sure they would have lots of information to help her.

You sound like a nice person and the fact that you helping her now is great.

I'm hoping once her parents see their grandchild they will welcome them with open arms.