What are some positive effects that adoption has on children?

Question

please tell me what you think about these.

Chosen to love?

family support-loving family?

special-self-esteem?

what do you think?

Answer 1

I am so special that I f**t rainbows!  Really!  It's true.

My parents waited on a list for me for over two years.  My amom says they got the call and went to see me and my foster mother said "Well, do you want her or not?" And that's how I was chosen.

Isn't adoption beautiful?

Answer 2

I was adopted in the late 60's the BSE the Secrets and Lies Era.

No one even knew my BirthMother was pregnant except her best friend who she HAD to tell as she was to look after my 2yr old sister whilst giving birth to me.

Chosen HA thats a LAUGH..I have the papers right here and they state

"I am very pleased to tell you that we have a baby girl we think you might be interested in"

She was born xx and weighed xx

Background info given on my birth mother,

They were told I was currently with a foster mother baby will be having her medical tests on such and such a date

And will you let us know if you are interested and if so come to This address on such a such a date and IF YOU LIKE HER YOU CAN TAKE HER HOME

I was a FREAKING 6 week old baby - what would be not to like BLAH

Ooh Just like a puppy,

Pftt dont even Get me started on the "chosen" and "special" etc.

If I was so freaking special why did my fmother give me away like a spare kleenex ?

I suppose I could look upon it that I was lucky enough that My Mum and Dad did "like me" that day and "take me home with them that day"

and I should be GRATEFUL For that ?right

ETA ADORE HIM - STAY STAY OMG you have just admitted you are a TRUE Adoptee

You are doing what adoptees do BEST - we lLEAVE when we get hurt, when we get rejected, or when we think we ARE Going to be rejected.

Say Sorry Cause thats what adoptees do best, LISTEN To us who are telling you things, and stop telling us HOW TO FEEL And you will *get it* and everything will be OKAY

Trust me thats how it works in adoptee-ville when we finally come out of the fog .....

Answer 3

Permamence.

As opposed to drifting around between foster families.

Answer 4

I was chosen, and very happy about it too!

I have the best family ever, I had support throughout my reunion, I had honesty about my adoption. I had and have love. My parents are my rock, and there is nothing I wouldnt do for them.

No special self esteem, I think thats because my parents were always open about my adoption, so Things were just normal to me.

I think adoption isnt all that bad, but everyone is different. Some people have and do have deep feelings of loss, and we have to respect that. I have my own opinions based on my own adoption.

Answer 5

positive affectes are how you treat that child and not how you get the child. you want to be a good parent and not an abusive and if you get a child somewhere around 12 then you get them what you can and see what there personality is and if its not that good  then try and change it.

Answer 6

I feel chosen.  Phil said that he was not chosen by his adopted family, he was the just the next available-  think of it this way- He were MEANT to be in the family that you are in- they could not have children for whatever reason so THEY CHOSE to go and adopt.  I have 2 adopted children as well, and their self esteem is not grounded in adoption, it is grounded in the fact that we love them. Adoption has nothing to do with self esteem

EDIT- I want to publicly apologize to Phil for saying what I said here. I honestly think he misunderstood-  When I mentioned that we are in the families that we are meant to be in- that does not discredit our birth moms/families at all- that does not mean they are wrong.  So I think for the good of this site, I have to say goodby-  it saddens me , but it seems that I am hurting too many people, and if anyone knew me, they would know that I am far away from that type of person. It seems that I am having to defend myself too much, so as of tonight- this is goodby

Answer 7

Technically, yes my aparent picked me out of a line up...they said I looked like I need to be loved, that's whatever.  Really, how does one choose one over another?  I couldn't imagine picking a kid & then telling the other kid sorry not this time buddy.

Do I have a family, yes, although now that we are all adult it seems we've drifted our own separate ways, although, for the first time in my life I am actually having a decent relationship with my amom, even if it seems superficial at times.  I have to say my dad's love has been genuine since the get.

Special self-esteem, not due to adoption.  As an adult I've grown to be confident but that is definitely not credited to being adopted at all.  If anything being adopted has made me feel out of place yet at the same time I never really stopped to give two shnits about it.  

It is what it is.  You have your individuals who had a pretty well & then there are others that are still trying to pick up the pieces of what's left of themselves.  My adoption story was decent and nothing tragic for me to regret. At least I'm not hook'n it on the street corner.  But in order to see the light at the end of the adoption trail (which is actually a never ending road)...you do have to face the negative aspects of it first.

I guess I should try to answer your question - positves:  for me better opportunity, a sense of 'family'...

Answer 8

Any child adopted or not if brought up with love and treated will have all the positive attributes you spoke off.I am a birthmom and a full-time mom of 4.

Answer 9

i have excellent research skills, and one heck of a hypervigilant state of mind.

i don't get hurt too frequently, bc i never let people get that close.

what's self esteem?

Answer 10

We adopted special needs siblings from Foster Care....

Chosen to love?

We don't use the message that we Chose them--but, we do use the message that WE were chosen to be their "growing up" parents and family.

We do say that we Chose to adopt two more children because we liked kids and wanted to keep having them in our life....since the older two had grown up and were going to college--we just really wanted to have more children to share our lives with....we like kid fun and didn't want to travel to Europe it just wasn't as fun as going to soccer--or watching someone learn to ride a bike--or going school clothes shopping and seeing them act in the play....

We make the "chosen" under our circumstances about the fact that the state Kid Workers picked us to be the best parents for them.

family support-loving family?

This is the main message we hope to impress on our children--all of them including the biologicals. We believe that everyone should have a "Safe" spot in the world where they can be who they are and always know that we are on their side. But we also have a big definition of what a "Family" looks like--it isn't always the same and some families have more people then others---some are step--blended and include adoption--some don't.

special-self-esteem?

"Special" can be a huge problem when a little girl is 5 yrs old and meets her "gorwing up" parents.... This one was a rough one as--a little girl that age Ran with it and believed that she was very special--so special in fact that she was exempt from following the same rules as other children.... We have been able to "reform" this word special and teach her that Every little girl is Special which was why everyone believed she should live in a Safe Home with a Safe Family while she grew up---Every child is special and deserves that much.

I think that some of these words have more implications then we often sit back and consider and that while these are some of the common things we hear told to adopted children they are not always recieved and processed the same way....

Answer 11

I'm sure for some children, there can be positive aspects to adoption--if that child is a true orphan, or has parents who are addicts, abusive or profoundly neglectful.

In my case, I was not 'chosen', my parents wanted their own child, and adopted me (the next in line) after she has 13 miscarriages.

Loved? Not really. They were decent custodial parents. I was clothed, fed, etc.

Support and loving? No. I have worked since I was 13-14ish, and was discouraged concerning higher education. I paid for it myself, and graduated grom college at 30 without their help.

Special self esteem: Heavens, no. Given away by your own mother, then served time as a replacement for the child they really wanted? NO.

I have done a lot of work on myself. Any success I have is in SPITE of the negative affects of adoption.

Rainbows and puppies it's not.

Answer 12

One adopted friend always teased here brother growing up about her parents didn't have to be intimate to get here.  I think it sounds more funny when she says it, but anyway to her that was positive.

On a more serious note, the main postiive effect for our children will be that they are raised without violence, as their birth home was violent and neglectful.

Answer 13

For starters, they don't get bounced around from foster home to foster home and potentially get "lost" in the system by the state that forgets where they placed them.

Answer 14

First, let me say that I did choose to adopt my two children.  They were not the "next in line", "take whatever I can get" kind of situation.  And, I didn't care a whit about any characteristics or anything.  I just wanted to be a mother.  I felt that part of me was missing in not being a mother.  I don't want to imply, however, that I would have gone to any lengths to become a mother.  I could have and would have lived a full life without being a mother, if it had turned out that way.  I was a foster mother first.  I have kept many foster children, and loved each one.  You can't be a good foster mother unless you are willing to love them and grieve when they are gone.  I was blessed, though, to have gotten a foster child, who later became available for me to adopt.  The agency worked very hard to help the mother, but she just didn't have the family support herself, and her own history had been one of sadness and instability.  She simply wasn't able to care for her daughter.  

I continued to keep foster children now and then, and about 6 years after we got our daughter we kept a little 3-year-old boy who had many problems.  I knew his future was bleak unless we adopted him.  I'm not saying that we are wonderful parents.  I just knew that he didn't look very adoptable on paper.  But we already loved him, in spite of his problems.  So, we chose to adopt him.  We hadn't really planned on adopting a second child.  

I feel that we did choose our children for the right reasons.  And, I feel that their lives are better because we adopted them.  HOWEVER, let me quickly add that adoption, for convenience, or for any other self-serving reasons is not in anyone's best interest.  What would have been BEST for my children, would have been for them to have had birth mothers who were able to keep them safe and loved.  Their mothers weren't bad people.  They were young women who had made some bad choices.  They were young women whose own lives had been hard.  

Living in poverty is NOT a reason for a child to be placed for adoption.  Having a single mom is NOT a reason for a child to be placed for adoption.  Just because there are wealthy families (which we are NOT, by the way), who can give a child a "better" life is NOT a reason to place a child for adoption.  Adoption is traumatic.  It should be considered very seriously.  If the child's only hope for safety and/or love is through adoption, then adoption is good for the child.  

And, even then, adoptive parents need to be prepared for the reality that the child will always FEEL adopted.  We love our children, and wouldn't do anything differently than we already do if they were our bio-children.  However, that doesn't change how THEY feel.  It has nothing to do with how much we love them, and how much they love us.  It's about belonging, and being part of someone else's genes and heredity.  We would ALL feel that way if we were in their shoes.  If I woke up with amnesia, wouldn't I be driven to find out who I was no matter how long it took, or how hard it was?  Or no matter where that journey took me?  Yep.  I would HAVE to know.

Answer 15

I was adopted in the 1960's -- you know, all that darkness and secrecy stuff.  That just does wonders for people, don't ya think?

At any rate, I was not 'chosen.'  A worker matched the available children with my AP's and that's how we ended up together.  I really don't need to believe in some 'chosen' fairy tale in order to feel okay about me.  

Special?  Apparently the state of California considered me special the moment someone adopted me, as they slammed my birth record sealed, even to me.  When my parents gave me up for adoption, and for the entire time I sat in foster care PLUS the entire time I was with my AP's before the adoption finalized, my birth certificate was unsealed and MINE.  The second that adoption finalized, the state of California bestowed upon me a special gift of a sealed birth certificate.  It's special because only adopted citizens get to have this gift.  It's unequal treatment under the law, more commonly known as discrimination.

Dear Laurie,

Happy "gotcha day!" (puke)

Love, California.

Answer 16

I am an adoptive parent, and my three children are all treasures......the light of my life!

But despite these gifts that were given to me, I wish that we had a perfect world in which there was no need for adoption.  Unfortunately, many children are not given the opportunity to grow up in a safe, loving, nurturing environment in their birth families.  Sometimes (as in the case of my three daughters) they were abandoned on the roadside, rejected as female and (in two cases) having special needs.  On other occasions, the birth parents have substance abuse problems, anger problems, and are unable to rehabilitate themselves to the point that they would EVER make capable parents.

So I would say that the positive effect that adoption has on children is not one of the things mentioned in your question, but the provision of a safe and loving home in cases where none existed before.   And as we all know, this is not true for ALL adoptions.

Answer 17

Was I chosen?  No.  I was the next available infant when my adoptive parents' turn came up.  Nothing about ME got me adopted.  (Well, being "white" and "healthy" helped, but I didn't have anything to do with either of those.)

I do have a family that supports and loves me.  That I got.  That I would have had had I not been relinquished.  So while I got it, I already had it.

Special self-esteem?  Yeah, I guess I'd say my self-esteem is pretty special.  If by special you mean under-developed and largely absent.  Is that what you mean?  If you mean something positive, then I didn't get the "special self-esteem."  I guess someone forgot to put it in my blanket.

Answer 18

Chosen to love:

makes no sense. Many adoptees are loved by their surrendering parents as well. Infact one of the biggest reasons I see women mistakingly surrendering is because they love so much for their children and they want to have them have MORE, ( usually financially ) only because they LOVE them.

family support - loving family: again, many adoptees having loving families and family support from the parents who surrender them. I did, and i'm not nearly the ONLY one. Sure some children can GET family support and a loving family that adopts them, but it can also be vice versa. Some adoptees are ALSO abused at the hands of their adopters so...

special self esteem? what is special self esteem? can you elaborate more? I got a scarred self esteem from being adopted. I am a legalized b*****d that the state treats as a second class citizen. My identity is a state secret even to myself. Adoptees at one time had "illegitimate" stamped across their original birth certificates because the legal process of sealing their records went right along with the "stigma" assosciated with being born out of wedlock. I guess this could all be associated with "special", because it is quite different from the "self esteem" of the non adopted. I supposed "special" doesn't necessarily mean good or bad, however since you were looking for "positive" effects of adoption, i assumed you meant "special" in a good way.

I can't really think of any "positive" effects that adoption has on children other than taking foster youth and children out of the foster system.

I don't credit the legal process of "adoption" for the caring families that take in children not born from them. Those are good people, good families, THEY deserve the credit for doing so, NOT adoption.

************

Answer 19

Chosen to love: My bio parents didn't want me. My adoptive parents wanted a girl.  So the agency passed me on. "Ta da! Here's your girl."

Family support: yeah I got a loving adoptive family, but my bio family probably would have been loving and supportive if I'd been kept too.

Special-self-esteem: you're kidding right? I don't have much self-esteem and what I do have, certainly didn't come from my adoption. My bio parents gave me up because they didn't want me. That doesn't help anyone's self-esteem. My adoptive parents wanted a kid because they couldn't have their own. They didn't choose me, I wasn't special. I was rejected by my bio parents & put with my adoptive parents because I happened to be a white girl, which is what they wanted.

I don't think adoption has positive effects on children. Ok, some kids may have been removed from abusive families or something, which I guess is positive, but adoption in general, which is removing a kid from its bio family or the kid being rejected by its bio family, is not positive.

Answer 20

well, many adoptions give the child the opportunity for a stable, loving home that the child might  NOT have with it's bio family.. this isn't always the case, but sometimes

Many women get pregnant who have no business being mothers... or do not feel they are able to be a good parent at the time..

the whole "chosen" thing can be seen as hoakey by many adoptees who think "They didn't pick me out of a line up, I was the next available baby when they were next in line for one". so I caution against using the "chosen" thing..

adoption, like bioparenting, is a roll of the dice for both parent and child.. as a child raised by my bio family, I had no more say in who I "ended up with" than adoptees do .. I think some of them on this forum should keep that in mind!! But the thing was, I was LUCKY with who I got as my parents.. some biologically raised children are NOT so lucky.. likewise, some adoptees are lucky in the family they receive, some are not..  

same with parents.. bio and adoptive parents alike don't know what their child will really be like.. they get what they get, (and most realize that ahead of time) and (most) love their child for who they are, and do their best to give the child good values and help them become decent people..

Answer 21

Chosen to love?

The adoptive parents chose to adopt and love their child; they could have said no to the child's referral and chose another child.

Family support-loving family?

Yes, most familis are great and provide loving support to their children...  but even in adoptive families, there are some bad.  

Special-self-esteem?

As they get older low self-esteem is a coommon issue with children who have been adopted.  That's something that an adoptive parent must learn about and work on throughout their child's life.  I don't think they get "special" self esteem, it's more like "low" self-esteem that must be delt with in order to have an emotionally healthy child.

Answer 22

Chosen to love?  My mom wanted a girl and was "afraid" she would have another son.  So, I guess I was chosen to fill her need for a daughter.  

Family support?  Um, well, I was fed and clothed.  However, I worked from age thirteen to pay for my clothes, my bicycle, etc, even though my parents had money. I bought my own first car. I was kicked out of the house at eighteen for no particular reason.  I paid my own way through college. I was told by by mom to abort my firstborn because I wasn't married. My children have never been invited to stay with their grandparents whereas my brothers kids have been regularly babysat by them, taken on trips, etc.  

Loving family?  I never speak to my siblings.  My parents never call me, I always have to call them.  My parents have for years gone on vacations with my brothers and their families and lied to me about it, I only found out because my brother let it slip by accident.  My parents can't stop talking about how wonderful my brothers and their families are in their Christmas letters, but my children and I barely get one line.  The year I graduated college, they didn't even mention it.

Special self-esteem?  Oh, it's "special" all right, like non-existent.  Never have felt good enough, have always tried to do better and get more degrees to impress my parents but it never made a difference how they saw me.  I have always been no better than the illegitimate daughter of a promiscuous teenager who was immoral and got herself into trouble. When I told my parents I was pregnant (in my twenties), my mother said, "I always knew you would do this to me."  So, the message was that I was a bad apple that didn't fall far from the tree.

I get the feeling that my parents had buyers remorse, but you can't take adopted kids back once you get them.  Well, at least you couldn't back when I was growing up, I guess now you can.

Answer 23

To what Phil and Phoenix said I can add little, but I would like to address the word "special."  

I hated hearing how special being adopted made me as a child.  People meant well by it, but all I heard was "different," and I already felt very different from everyone else around me.  It made me feel self-conscious.  I also felt that being "special" meant I had to do everything better than everyone else.  That's how fragile that "special" self-esteem was--if I was ever not the best at something, I felt that I was nothing, a failure, someone who didn't deserve the loving family I had gotten through being "rejected" by my first mother.

I was "chosen," somewhat, in that the department of welfare did a lot of pre-adoption screening to put me with a family whose background was as close to my natural family's as possible.  But my parents didn't get to choose me.

Answer 24

That child has been provided with a stable and loving family.  Every child's situation is different, so it is a case-by-case basis that dictates how much better their life will be.