What are some positives and negatives of changing a childs name?

Question

when the adoption gets finalized?

Answer 1

As a "younger" foster child adopted by my foster parents (at the age of 3), I am grateful to my parents for NOT changing my name (first & middle)!  It's the only thing that's mine...that has BEEN mine since the day I was born!  They didn't strip me of my identity.  Of course, they gave me their last name.

A child in foster care has already lost so much & had so much taken away from them. Why would you consider taking their identity, too?

ETA: Even in a situation where abuse has been an issue, once a child's LAST name has been changed & the adoption is final/closed, changing their first name does not "protect" them.  Changing a first name won't protect the child if the 1st parents know who the foster parents are.  Sorry, but I don't get the logic in that...?

BTW...around JR. High I decided I didn't like my name b/c no one else had it.  I didn't really like it until my late teens.  When I found out how my name was chosen, I was even more grateful my parents allowed me to keep my name!

A young child can easily pick up cues from YOU and agree to go along with a name change to please you. Especially children in foster care, who desperately want/need someone to accept them & love them.  

Cherish your child for who THEY are, including their name. Not for who you want them to be!  You'll both be happier in the long run...

Answer 2

Dear Ollie,

I suppose the "positives" would be:

1.)The adoptive family feels more of a sense of "connection" by being able to choose a name for the child.

2.) The name change offers a small amount of protection in cases where abuse was the cause for removal.

3.) In some cases of older child adoption, it allows the child the opportunity to choose a new name with which to begin a new life. (I had two teenaged clients as a GAL who wished to do so upon their adoption, both chose new first names kept their original first name as a middle name. One chose to hyphenate her last names and the other chose the take the surname of her adoptive family.)

The negatives of changing a child's name:

1.) It denies the child's original identity.

2.) It makes search and reunion more difficult should the adoptee choose to seek his or her first family.

3.) If the child is not involved in the choice to choose their name it further implies that the child is "less than" by ignoring their feelings or potential feelings about their own identity. IT presents the image (to the child) that the child has no control over their circumstances at all.

4.) If the child is old enough to already  know their name, it can cause identity/attatchment issues depending on the circumstances. (NOT in ALL cases but it is something to be aware of.)

I dislike name changing without the child's input. For many children from foster care, transisitions can sometimes be scarey, traumatic, frightening, confusing or emotionally difficult experiences. Imagine suddenly having a new name to adjust to as well.

Nicknames or adding to a child's name without eliminating their original identity seems, IMO, the most accebtable way to go.

Just for the record, I haven't changed the names of animals I have adopted for the same reasons. Thank godness I know what my children's names were changed to.

Answer 3

The only reason to change a child's name is in violent abuse situations, where there is a very reasonable fear/problem with the first parents trying to contact or hurt the child. If this isn't an issue up to the adoption finilization, then it isn't an issue period.

Otherwise, it is all negative for the child. If you want to add a name fine, add a middle name, but do not take away names from a child. It is one of the few things that is his/hers alone in adoption.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

Answer 4

Positive: A-parent feels like the real mommy.

Negative: The a-child will find out and hate the a-parent for trying to change their identity.

The a-child should keep the name given by the their mother until they are old enough to decide for themselves if they want it messed with.

Answer 5

Unless there was abuse, you should not change your future child's name.

Adoption is not supposed to be the Witness Protection Program or indentured servitude.

They come to you with nothing--can you be gracious enough to allow them to keep their own name?

And if you REALLY don't like the name, you should reconsider adopting.

Answer 6

Hi

If it is  the  first or middle names I think that should be kept. I have an adopted son  and I wanted him to keep some of heritage and so we kept his first name used it as his middle and gave him the name we like. I feel we did not have the right to take away his idenity.

Answer 7

If the child is old enough to understand, PLEASE let it be the child's choice.  

Many children in foster care want to change their names, perhaps not at first, but once they are adopted and no longer have contact with bio-parents.  Also, many children in foster care want to change their names because they may fear the bio-parents, this can be especially true if the bio-parents went to prison for thier abuse.

I changed my name.  

Positives:

1) My bio-parents could not find me

2) I could start a brand new life ~ clean slate

3) It gave me a sense of control (small but I felt like I was creating "me")

Negatives:

1) If there was any decent family around, they would not be able to find me now

2) At first, I used it as a "mask" ~ meaning that I ignored my problems and issues because I was trying to be a "new" person that never existed before.  In essence, I tried to ignore my past.  (bad, bad idea)

Please, give your child the choice.  The choice may change over time, but DO NOT force your wants on the child.

Answer 8

Well, if the child is like around 5 and up ask  them what name THEY like.. If they play apart in this role it will be a positive experience.. If the child is just a baby it should be no problem at all..  Like I said if it's an older child get a baby name book and have them go through it and choose a name..

Answer 9

Hi there,

As an adoptive mom myself, the only positive's are really for you (the adoptove parents). It's about claiming and I'm sure you have thought a  lot of names you would love your future child to have.

However...

The negative's: children in foster care have lost a lot and their lives have been quite tumultuous. While a name change might seem like a small thing to you, to a child that has already lost everything, it's simply adding to those losses. A name is our identity, and children, even if quite young already recognize it.

That being said, sometimes foster children decide for themselves that they would like to change their name. If that's the case then maybe you can come up with names together. At least in that case the child would have a choice.

In our case, we adopted from China and we fully intended to retain her Chinese name, however, when we received her referral we realized, that while her name has a strong meaning in Chinese, in English it is slang for a s*x act. So we felt we needed to add a Western sounding name that was also Asian inspired. We made her original first name her middle name.

Good luck!!