What are some signs of previous sexual abuse (in adults)?

Question

I'm asking because my partner, in his 30's acts odd at times. I suspect he has been molested as a child. For example, he sometimes doesn't want me to touch him when we are intimate (the other day I got frustrated and said "What is it, a prize?", he was silent for a moment then said calmy "I would just chill, if I were you"). He's also very private, doesn't like me to see him naked and we've never showered together. He gives an impression of being very confident but the person behind closed doors is a lot more reserved. He is also going through major depression at the moment, he smoked pot for about 10 years (doesn't anymore) because "it helps him forget", has had issues with alcohol and gambling addictions (says it's his only "happy place".) He told me once that his mother used to bring random people home and have s*x with them - while the kids were in the room and I thought at that moment, "He's been abused". What do you think?

Answer 1

Yeah, it does sound like it. You should ask him.

Answer 2

That's extremely touchy. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that he was sexually abused automatically. Based on what you've said it may just be him viewing sexual activity as "scary and bad" because he saw it in such a horrifically negative way as a young child. As a child I viewed my father's drinking as "scary" and I've never touched my lips to an alcoholic beverage because it brings up horrible memories. I'm almost certain it was just the mental trauma rather than any sort of physical abuse whatsoever.

Hopefully this helps, I'd love to hear any updates.  

Answer 3

Just to wach his mother acting like that meaning havi his mothng s*x with multiple partners(usually children consider s*x as something dirtyor also like a punishment)In my poit of view, when he saw his mother letting these guys do these dirty things he might felt the same way like it was him instead of his mother.Posibilyty of physical and mental abuse is very high.

Answer 4

If he had to withstand watching or hearing his mom have s*x, yes, that's a form of abuse.

Also, some people are just private about their bodies. If it's really a concern, talk to him about it. He may need a counselor to help him deal with his childhood.

Answer 5

From what you say, I think he probably witnessed bad stuff at home and therefore he's a very modest guy because of it, not necessarily "sexually abused".  Take it easy - let him tell you in his own time if there's anything to tell.  Dare I say it?  Could he be "in the closet"?

Answer 6

it seems like he has has he seen a therapist

or get very nervous since hes stop smoking and he smoked to not get nervous well good luck with everything  

Answer 7

they will have multiply personalitys

Answer 8

He acts alot like me by your description almost exactly, I would have to say yes.  

Answer 9

Even if he weren't touched sexually as a kid, just the fact that his mother had s*x in front of him when he was a child could have been traumatic for him and make him feel uncomfortable about s*x.  It sounds like he very well might have been sexually abused.  The only way to find out would be to ask him.  If you want to stay with him and stick by him, than try to be patient with him.. It sounds like he has a lot of issues such as addiction, etc., also. Ask him to see a therapist about it and tell him you'll see a therapist with him (a couples therapist). Good luck ;-)

Answer 10

I'd say he obviously has issues to resolve but focus on you.  Why are you with someone so emotionally unavailable?  He sounds like a train wreck and you should get off at the next stop

Answer 11

he has absolutely been through some serious trauma.  i think that seeing his mother getting railed by strangers probably wasnt good for him.  i also think that there is probably a lot hes not telling you and probably never will.  

let it go, when he wants to talk he will but pressing him wont get it out any time soon, as much as you want to sometimes maybe yell or force him it wont help.  the only thing you can do is chill out and let it come out if it ever does.

what i would suggest however, is couples counseling.  it sounds weird, but it could do a lot and bring those issues to the surface.

good luck!

Answer 12

• Little or no memory of childhood—age 3 to 12 • Trouble with relationships—on the job, in your family, • Low self-esteem, • Panic attacks—mild to severe, • Anxiety, • Phobias, • Depression, • Inability to trust or trusting indiscriminately, • alcohol/drug abuse, • Obsessive compulsive behavior, • Nightmares of being chased, trapped or surreal, • Sensory flashes—unable to identify images, • Insomnia, • Suicidal thoughts or attempts, • A sense of going crazy or feeling unreal compared to others • Shame, guilt, • Sense of underlying humiliation, • Baseless crying, • Angry outbursts/rage seemingly for no reason, • Inability to recognize feelings, • Mood swings, • Emotional shut down, • Numbing or zoning out, • Arthritis/joint pain, • Diagnosis of ADD or ADHD, • Labeled an ‘airhead’ • Chronic/acute fear, • Headaches/migraines, • Eating disorders—anorexia, bulimia, obesity, • PMS, • Vaginismus, • Gastrointestinal/gynecological disorders, • Chronic fatigue, • MS, • Fibromyalgia, • Lupus • Chronic back pain—L3, L4 and/or L5 region • Cancer—predominately—vaginal, cervical or ovarian in women; testicular, prostate in men; however cancer of any kind can be as a result of physical or sexual abuse. Cancer is anger/rage turned against the self. • Prostitute/promiscuous s*x, • Inability to o****m • Dissociative Identity Disorder—MPD • Self-injury—self-abuse, self-mutilation (cutting, burning, breaking bones, pinching skin, ingesting, injecting and inserting foreign materials, interfering with the healing process of wounds, punching, slapping, picking skin, pulling hair, bloodletting, tattooing, piercing • Wearing baggy clothes or clothes a size or two sizes too large • Aversion to opposite sex—including homosexuality/L*****n • Use of pornography—print, video • Enjoy peep shows, topless dancers, • Become a p**n star or pimp, • s*x offenders—male and female

Answer 13

He definitely might have been sexually abused.

But even just having to watch your mother have s*x with people is a form of abuse IMO. Its bound to s***w with your head and give you some serious sexual problems to see your mom having s*x with some random guy while you're in the room. He might not have been touched by someone, but definitely he was abused in some ways by his mother at least.

Answer 14

It does seem like that.  Very sad.

Answer 15

He's for sure been abused.

Statistically speaking - 1 in every 5 kids, (actually now it's more) get abused in some way.

Back in the day it wasn't reported.

Give him his space. Just because you are comfortable with your body and sexuality - he may not be so respect him. Showering together means absolutely nothing... And - I'm assuming you are not married - maybe that's something he wants to do with his wife - not just a girlfriend.

Abused adults act out in many ways. Some gain weight or lose it, some turn to drugs or alcohol, some become angry or abusive, some spend their money, get into debt or gamble, some become uninterested in s*x completly, some turn to lives of prostitution or being very S****y, some turn g*y or L*****n.... And these are just a few examples...

But it's pretty clear to me your boyfriend was sexually abused in some way - even watching adults have s*x as a child is sexual abuse.... No way around it.

Just be there for him. Let him know you love him for him and back off on all the s*x stuff.

For some dumb reason girls think having s*x equals love... That couldn't be further from the truth. Having s*x equals having s*x and that's IT!

Good luck girly!

Answer 16

Honestly with the situations your bringing forward it does sound like he was abused. Usually addiction is a form of telling if someone has been abused because people use it as a way to "forget" or "cover up" memories from their past. It is very possibly that because his mother was bringing home random men that one of them could have abused him. The first step would be having him talk to someone, and most likely professional. Listen to "Loveline" with Dr. Drew, he gets a lot of phone calls that come in from people who have either been abused as a child or a someone trying to find out how to help their partner. You can download some of the calls on itunes for free or some radio stations play it in the evening. It will really help trust me, Dr. Drew is amazing because he actually cares and wants to help and has the knowledge to actually do it.  

Answer 17

Well, even if he hasn't been sexually bused himself he has serious issues that he needs to deal with. He should seek professional help.