What are some subtle signs of a controlling and abusive person?

Question

What are some subtle signs of a controlling and abusive person?

Answer 1

Some are more sneaky than others. Most will blame the victim for  what they do.  In the beginning they can be very normal. To others they usually seem so. Then  they begin the isolation.  And sometimes it is explainable. Such as you have a dinner planned with your parents or a friend and he will  intentionally keep the car until its too late for you to go but then say he forgot all about it and is sorry.  While this goes on he may  turn it around on you,  you forgot to tell him, your memory is bad, you're dumb,  as with everything else he'll have his own ways of making you feel crazy or dumb or worthless.

He may give  your support system reasons why they can't see you today, you're too tired, sick,  working late,  any number of things.  

Then as your family and friends gradually give up and stop seeing you he will get worse, more demanding, more  physical. He may tell you  he'll kill your  favorite pet if you go, or that he'll keep it and you'll never see it again.  

The thing is no matter the exact ways its done, its isolation, manipulation, intimidation, and abuse of various kinds.  They are usually charming. Often are men(or women) who people like and who no one would guess could be acting this way to you.  That's part of the isolation and fear. Because you start to feel crazy when your neighbor is saying what a great  guy you have and you really don't think so, but can't quite say what it is that makes him a bad guy. In fact if you call him on something that's abuse he will most likely say that you imagined it, or caused him to have to do it. It's never never his fault.  

There are just so many  subtle, and not so subtle, things that it's impossible to give you a complete  picture.  

Answer 2

they want things their way ,they put down your ideas, they tell you what to wear, who to talk to or not, they try to get you to stop seeing your friends or only let you see certain friends, they restrict you interacting with your family members, they start calling names,they curse you,& treat you like c**p, then want to have s*x,they make you feel worthless, they put down your ideas,they try to listen in on your phone calls, they want to know who you're with all the time, they monitor the miles on your car or how much gas you've used and accuse you of cheating.

They may control the amount of money you spend they call to check up on you or follow you in their car to see where you go, in a relationship they can control how much intimacy you have, they can give you the silent treatment or out right hit you. They can be verbally abusive or physically abusive then apologize, over & over, they can sabotage your relationships with other people, try to get you fired,call your job excessively to check on you, threaten you

there are more signs than these but if you have any of these over a long period of time PLEASE get out while you can.

Abusive people do not get better they only get worse. The more little abuse you allow the bigger and more bold the abuse becomes. It is a cycle and it will tear down your self esteem and leave you wondering about your sanity. Leave.

Answer 3

Emotions,feelings and our love.

Answer 4

they always need to know where you are.  They start alienating you from friends and family.  They start belittling you (i.e. your fat, your hair looks terrible, those clothes look hideous on you). They will try to make you think you are stupid and make you think that you can't make a rational decision on your own. The person can start making cruel remarks and the remarks get more frequent and worse as time progresses. You see quick flashes of anger.  The person throws things, hits the wall, kicks things.  The person will either ignore or be rude to people that are around you.  If you have any of these signs, then you need to keep your guard up.  

Answer 5

No--not at first--they are very good at seeking and hunting for a certain kind of woman. They do the charming --seductive-- caring man act. They actually are too nice. they are too caring and too many promises. They do this to win you completely over to them. They know a" weak" woman is easily charmed. A "strong" woman would stop the overly good--too good to be true act he is putting on. The man will eventually move a woman away from friends and family--alienate her from her life---then small abuses start--verbal abuse--physical abuse--mental anguish---it is all slow and followed by apologies and begging for second chances. It just gets worse and the apologies and begging gets more intense. When it gets so bad it is scary--she is trapped--then the real bad c**p comes. She fell for it and cannot get away. The man is an immature, low self esteem, loser from childhood. Mommy or a sister or somebody made his childhood a miserable life--so he is striking back. And using a woman as the target. The abusing man needs a bullet in the head---because he is sick and cannot get better and makes women hurt. Sometimes the boys in school laugh at his pee pee and ridicule him--so now he is going to use his pee pee as a weapon and show his manly power....and then it just gets worse.

Answer 6

Not letting you do simple things like go to school, go to work, talk on the phone in private, or without the person being able to listen in on the conversation, trying to keep you all the himself.