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What are some things you SHOULDN'T say to a police officer?

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"have you been eating donuts all day, because you look a little glazed".

What are some other funny things not to say?

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  1. Dude, if what I did was a crime, then your face is down-right unconstitutional.  


  2. NO! You assume the position.

    Don't check the trunk

  3. is that jelly donut on your chin or did a clown *** in your mouth

  4. please don't smoke my blunt if u find it.

  5. "Would you like some of my marijuana?"

    "I want you to meet my girlfriend.  She's only 15, but her parents don't mind the seven year age difference."


  6. IF U LET ME GO I'LL GIVE U BOX OF DONUTS

  7. Dont arrest me im only 16 ( a girl that is driving drunk)

    dont get your man panties in a bunch

    lol sorry those are sort of lame

  8. Is there a donut in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

  9. Pig! they don't like to be call that and also if you start singing f*ck the police by NWA yea that wont get you out of a ticket nor a trip to jail

  10. 1) Are you Andy or Barney?

    2) Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

    3) I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

    4) Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

    5) I pay your salary!

    6) Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

    7)Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

    8) You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

    9) Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last cop only gave me a warning, too!

    10) I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.

    11) I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

    12) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

    13) What? You need a license to drive?

    14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!

    15) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk

    16) Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.

    17) Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.

    18) Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?

    19) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind

    20) Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?


  11. Theses are really funny

    <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>...

    Hey, you must've been doin' 125 mph to keep up with me!

    Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

    Hi, officer. Do you mind holding my beer while I find my license?

    I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a police officer.

    You know, I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

    Bad cop! No doughnut!

    You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

    Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last week on "Cops?"

    Wow, you look like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

    I bet you I can grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.

    So, you on the take, or what?

    Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

    Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

    Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

    Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

    Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

    Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

    Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

    Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

    I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

    I pay your salary.

    I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

    I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

    I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

    Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds.

    So uh, you on the take or what?

    Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

    Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

    What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

    Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night stand.

    You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

  12. 1.Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?

    2.What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained specialist.

    3.I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1 special!

    4.If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

    5.No, offi, offic, lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

    6.No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110mph.

    7.How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

    8.What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?

    9.I'm not drunk...I'm just high.

    10.hello officer dangle. nice shorts.


  13. "oops sorry I gave you the wrong ID.."

  14. -what seems to be the Officer, problem?

    -im not hiding anything up my butt

  15. can  you hold my drink while i look for my license?

  16. "GEEZ, who peed in your cheerios today?"

  17. nothing rude or vulgar cause you will get a disorderly conduct charge trust me I learned the hard way

  18. That's funny!

    Um,another would be...

    Have you been at the station too long, because you look a little pale...

    Im not really that good at these anyway.

  19. want to buy sum green?

    can i justs borrow your gun a minute so i can shoot you in the bollocks?

    *points behing police officer* "look a man robbing a bank" *drops police mans pasts*

  20. If pulled over while driving...What? you want me to show you my lisence? But the officer that pulled me over just yesterday took it away from me.

    Do you smell bacon?

    I've heard a really funny true story ~ A guy driving home from a party is really, really drunk....Sees a donut van parked on the side of the road, illegally parks his car, staggers to the donut van, leans over the counter & says in a really drunken, slurry voice.."I'll have half a dozen donuts & a coffee to go"......

    Turns out the 'Donut' van was a booze bus......yep, you guessed it, he got busted & spent the night in the cells.

    The police officers had a really good laugh at his expense too, they thought it was one of the funniest things they'd ever come across.

  21. just shout out i have been doing drugs and i killed a man and i m drunk and i have a tatoo on my *** of an alpaca :)

  22. put it on my tab.

    -steve carell

  23. 1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

    2. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

    3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

    4. Are You Andy or Barney?

    5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

    6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

    7. I pay your salary!

    8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

    9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

    10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

  24. hey pretty lady, how you doin?

    especially if its a man.

  25. If a cop pulls you over and he says "Do you realize how fast you were going", don't say "Yes officer, I thought we were having a race."

    If a cop pulls you over and he says "Sir or Ma'am, have you been drinking this evening, don't say "d**n straight, you want a beer?"


  26. Things not to say to police officers:

    1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

    2. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

    3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

    4. Are You Andy or Barney?

    5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

    6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

    7. I pay your salary!

    8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

    9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

    10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

    11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

  27. "is your refrigerator running?" wait for response "Because if it was/is i bet it runs like you, very homosexually

  28. I swear to drunk, I'm not God!

    :]

  29. "I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer"

    "Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?"

  30. EDIT

    "Bacon? I smell bacon. Are you cooking breakfast?"

    or

    "No officer I swear there is no blood in my alcohol stream"

    or

    " I swear to high I'm not God!"
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