What are somethings that birth parents don't want to know?

Question

I really want to find my birthmother, but I'm afraid that knowing me may be worse than NOT knowing me for her. I mean the baby that she gave up seemed to be healthy and happy, but in reality, I am multiply disabled and I have dealt with alot in my life which I'd rather not go into. I am not saying that adoption caused me any of these problems, I just know that parents of any kind hurt when they see their child sick or in pain, and I don't want to find her if my appearance will only bring her pain.

Answer 1

I think the whole point of search/reunion is THAT you know, not WHAT you know.

Answer 2

I could go on about this forever...it has been an issue for my natural mother and I for 20 years.

All in all, I would say it is always better to KNOW.  That said, she doesn't have to know everything all at once.

Maybe you'll come visit other adult adoptees at:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum

Good luck.

Answer 3

Knowing is definitely better than not knowing.  My first dad is so happy to have me in his life it wouldn't have mattered if I grew up under a bridge with no arms and legs.  Well, not that it wouldn't MATTER, but you know what I mean.  Knowing me and having me in his life is more important than finding out there were health problems, which there were in my case, too.

Think of it like this.  If one of your beloved children (if you have any -- if not, just pretend for a moment) had to go off to war, would you rather s/he pretend to be MIA simply to "protect" you from seeing a bad injury s/he'd sustained?  No way!  You'd want your child to come home no matter what, right?

It was the same way for my natural father.

Answer 4

Knowing is better than not knowing.

Answer 5

HONEY...go find them!!!  If you don't then there will ALWAYS be that "what if"!  Don't waste another minute!

Answer 6

Everything Sunny said.

I hold a unique rold in the adoption triad as both an adoptee & a birthmother.

As a birthmother, let me tell you, if you were my child, I would be so happy to finally be reunited with you. To be able to finally know you again. I conceived you, I carried you for nine months inside of me, and another 18 yrs + in my heart.

During that time I never knew what became of you. I didn't know if you were alive, or feeling the same pain as me at being seperated from me as I was from being seperated from you. I never forgot you, I never stopped worrying about you, and I never stopped loving you. You are still my child, and you always will be. Time & distance will never change that.

The real pain has been going through these years without you.