What are the best ways to handle a child with A.D.D.?

Question

Our 11 year old has A.D.D. not A.D.H.D., she has none of the hyperness associated with ADHD, in fact one of our main problems is getting her motivated to do anything.

Most frustrating is having to tell her over and over and I mean over again to do the simplest things. re: yesterday she was getting dressed, I told her I was doing laundry so bring all her dirty cloths out of her room when she was done, she came out after she was dressed with out her laundry sat down at the table to eat breakfast, so I told her again, when you are done eating I need your dirty cloths brought out so I can wash them. She finished eating and headed down stairs, I assumed she was going to use the down stairs bathroom, waited a few minutes and yelled for her, no answer, looked for her inside couldn't find her, looked outside, there she was riding her bike. So I opened the window and called to her, when she came into the driveway I asked her "did you get your dirty cloths out of your room yet?" I knew she hadn't, and she smiles and says "oh, I forgot". Well let me tell you, the "oh, I forgot" statement has gotten way old, we are beginning to wonder if she isn't just using it to get away with not doing things, because allot of time it is easier for my husband and I just to do it ourselves. But on the other hand she needs to learn to be more responsible.

She takes Adderal XR but only during the school year and only on days that there is school, and other than that only other days we give it to her is when there is something important going on and her full attention is needed (re: on vacation this year we went hiking on Skyline Drive). We don't like her medicated all the time, mainly because she doesn't eat well and tends to loose allot of weight, she is only 98lbs, and is already 5'2".

We tried during the last school year to make a list of things with a time line for in the mornings for her to follow because it takes her forever to get up, dressed, comb hair, eat etc. and we were constantly on her, hurry up, you only have so much time left before you have to leave, etc and she still was late to school over 20 times, not to mention the fact of her forgetting things, glasses, book bag, lunch,(even after reminding her about them) witch at times made me late for work to take those things to school. The list helped for about 2 weeks and then she lost interest in it, so we were back to hurrying her along, but adding it's 7:50, you should be doing this, it's 8:00 you should be dressed by now, it's time to leave, did you brush teeth, got book bag?, glasses? etc. Uuuuugggghhhh!!! Any suggestions anyone, We are at our wits end and school starts soon too.

Answer 1

I have ADD. I can tell you that she is not deliberately trying to ignore you or misbehave. It's like having a hamster on a wheel inside your head running and running and you have to just go along with it. You may hear what your mom is telling you but that doesn't mean you internalize it. It's easier to just run along with the hamster then to try and turn it's direction. I was on Ritalin for 3 years, and I hated it. One day I discovered a fun way of learning when a Special education teacher showed me how to make it a game, and then I took myself off the medication (without telling anyone) my grades improved and I became more motivated because I had a sense of accomplishment. If she is easily distracted then distract her more.Get her in activity's like karate, or gymnastics, or acting. and if you want her to do something sometimes you just have to take her by the hand and say "come on we are going to do the laundry together." Instead of letting her get distracted. Make sure you get her an IEP (independent Education Program) when you get her in school. I don't know what state your in, but they helped me a lot. It basically gave me one hour out of the day to do homework, and have undivided attention if I needed help. Kids with ADD tend to connect with the material slower, so they may need more time with it then the other kids. I find that having ADD give me amazing multi-task skills now. But there are times if I haven't had enough sleep that I get distracted. Good luck. just remember that she is not trying to test YOU!

Answer 2

I have a 7 year old with ADHD.  I had it when I was a kid too, plus I worked with a lot of kids that had it. So I can understand what you are going through a bit.  What I find works a little is getting right into my sons face and asking him to make "eye contact" because I know that kids with ADD or ADHD have a tough time looking at you when you talk or focusing on what you are saying.  So when we make eye contact I am right in his face and I saw very calmly what I need him to do.  Then I ask him to repeat it back to me.  Only ask one thing at a time though.  

I have a hard time concentrating and remembering things myself still and I make lists all the time.  I suggest when you ask her to do something don't expect her to remember to do it after she eats her breakfast or anything like that.  Ask her at an appropriate time like when she is about to leave her room.  Kids with ADD or ADHD have a terrible time remembering anything, so as frustrating as it gets when she says "Oh I forgot" she means it.  I get frustrated with my son too because of the same things he forgets over and over.

Routine works the best for kids with this as well.  Make a list of the daily activities and follow them every day.  Don't mix it up too much and she will get the hang of it.  Hang in there, I know how tough it can be!!

Answer 3

im alot similar to your daughter i dont think what was described here was add because i am alot like that and i have adhd i was diagnosed with it as a kid and my mom and dad had a hard time dealing with me because i was allways a jet engine and i totally understand where you are coming from i want to help you but then its hard its even hard for me in alot of ways and i think she laughs because she gets nervouse and embarassed about forgetting things all the time i take metadate and when i was a little kid i remember i was on ritalin and i didnt want to eat anything so i am so similiar to the problems you had with your daughter i can help you by letting you know heres how you can help her because this is what helps me

my mom tells me things in a nice way how to slow down and doesnt raise her voice atleast she trys not to raise her voice

but i know sometimes its hard for my mom and im 22 and i never did do good in school i have alot of hyper activeness and its hard for me to control it sometimes well alot of times its very hard

all you can do is try to be patient i know its hard but my mother tried so hard and its working for her shes calmed down alot she and i dont raise our voices or get angry because we understand eachother

i hope this helped