What are the pros and cons of step-parent adoption?

Question

Although step-parent adoption allows a child to be eligible for everything that the step-parent's biological children can receive (inheritance, medical insurance and the like,) there are also downsides.

For example, if a couple divorces, the former step-parent, now parent, is subject to everything any biological parent must follow. This includes child support, possible continuation of medical coverage, continuation of inheritance rights. What problems may arise if this parent now feels that since this isn't his/her biological child, why should s/he have to continue these requirements of parenthood. The ultimate problem can be that this adoptive parent may rather give up parental rights in order to "divorce" the child, since s/he is divorcing the natural parent.

Answer 1

Try thinking about it the other way. Imagine if you were a step-parent, loving and taking care of a child for years, maybe even being the primary caregiver, and then you start having difficulties with your spouse. One of you starts divorce proceedings...and suddenly the child you love and think of as one of your own is taken away and you are told you can NEVER see him or her again and there is NOTHING you can do.

This is a more common problem for g*y couples (because virtually all children of g*y couples are biologically connected to one parent and not the other and the laws rarely even allow the option of becoming the legal parent), but it definitely happens. Also, in situations like this, the natural parent can use access to the child as a bargaining chip to get more from the divorce settlement.

This is not to say that your scenario doesn't happen, of course it does. But the longer the marriage lasted, the younger the kids were when the marriage happened, the less involved the other biological parent is involved in the kid's life and the presence of half-siblings all make it more likely that the step-parent feels that the kid is truly theirs.

Answer 2

If a step parent adopts a child- its their choice- going into it you know there is a possiblity of divorce- there always is.

Seriously- i'd tell em to get over it and that they made their decision. And if this is what someone is thinking before adoption- its not for them..... What would happen if a random child was adopted--- by both parents- do they then decide during a divorce that they no longer want the child because its not "biologically" theirs?

Answer 3

The pros and cons will vary in each and every situation, so it's really hard to make generalized statements.  That's why every adoption decision - step parent or otherwise - needs to be made carefully.  

Most of the cons you will find are for the adoptive step-parent, and almost all of those include divorce situations.  That is why the adoption of the child needs to be a seperate decision from the marriage.  You should not adopt a child just because you married the parent.  Step-parents have many rights including the ability to cary the child on medical coverage.  You can also stipulate inheritance in your will without need to adopt.  However, step-parents do not have ALL the rights to a child that a biological parent (or adoptive parent) has.  The most important one is a right to parent the child if the marriage disolves or the step-parent becomes a widow/widower.  

For example, my decision to try to adopt my former step-daughter was a commitment I was ready to make to HER, not to her father.  Unfortunately, we were unable to get it accomplished before my ex had his little breakdown and left us (by us, I mean me, his daughter, and our son).  Because I hadn't been able to adopt her, and I was no longer technically her "step-mother" (by right of no longer being married to her father) I was unable to care for her properly.  At any moment I could have been accused of kidnapping by either my ex or the biological mother (even though that wasn't true, I hadn't taken her anywhere - my ex had LEFT her with me).  More importantly, while I could have insured her under my insurance since she was living with me and I was the primary caregiver, I could not have gotten her medical attention because I was not her parent.  That is a rather important barb in the law.  In some states step-parents can sign medical authorizations, but not always, and usually only in an emergency.  I always had to carry with me a document signed by my ex saying I was authorized to approve medical care for her even when we were together.  I also could not sign her up for school because to do so required a copy of her birth certificate, but only her parents are authorized to request one.  In short, because I had not yet adopted her, my hands were completely tied.  What makes my situation rather sad is that NEITHER PARENT WANTED HER!  Her biological mother hasn't seen her since she was 15 months old (she's now 6 and a half, and was over 3 at the time this all happened) and hasn't had custody of her since she was 10 months old.  Her father walked away without a second glance, he truly had had a mental breakdown and though he was another person.  I was forced (not legally or through threats, but by virtue of it being the only way to get her what she needed) to turn her over to her paternal grandparents.  They had raised her before, from about 13 months until just before her second birthday when my ex stopped traveling for work and settled down with me.  They had power of attourney for her father, and they could get her the services she needs.  

I still don't think that severed my obligations to her however.  After all, if I was ready to be a parent to her, then just because the papers weren't signed doesn't meant I can just walk away from her without a second glance.  I walk a delicate balance with her grandparents right now.  There is a large LARGE amount of awkwardness, but I still visit, and try to buy some clothes and things like that when I can.  I put her on the waiting list for a state program that has finally kicked in, and provides her medicaid services, therapy, and respit for her grandparents.  I would be willing to do more - but as I said, it is a delicate balance.  

A step-parent who truly wants to be a parent to the child should definitely adopt a child.  A step-parent who is only adopting a child out of "duty" or to make things "easier" should not adopt the child.  One day the sence of "duty" may no longer be there, and it may cease to be "easy" if your marriage fails.  An adoption is not an agreement with your spouse, it is an agreement with the child, and should be treated as such.  

That being said, step-parent adoption should ONLY take place with the original parent (biological parent) is either completely out of the picture, or very nearly.  It is not right to try and replace a biological father or mother who is still trying to pull his/her weight with the child, and is just not living with the child because of divorce etc.  Many children these days have two very good parents, even if the parents no longer live together.  It is not right to sever that connection in order to make a pretty picture through step-parent adoption.  However, if the biological parent is pretty much out of the picture (even if he/she is paying child support), if the child doesn't know who that parent is or sees them less frequently than once a year, then step-parent adoption is a wonderful thing.  Every child deserves to have two real parents, and if a step-parent is that other real parent, then adopting the child is the right thing to do.  

On the child's side, a step-parent adoption has very few downsides.  The only time it would become a "downside" is if a previously active biological parent was forced out of the picture so the step-parent could adopt.

For the biological parent who will retain custody is married to the adopting step-parent there are very few downsides.  You will no longer get child support, of course, and if you divorce you will have to go though ANOTHER custody arrangement with the new father.  However, if you truly love your kids and believe the step-parent to be a good parent, then it should be worth the risk to make sure your child has two loving parents.  Also, it is important to realize that if something ever happens to you, right now your child would go to the other biological parent who he/she probably doesn't know very well (at least, probably doesn't if you're considering step parent adoption).  If you let the step-parent adopt, that means your child would be able to stay in their home, with their siblings if something every happens to you.  

Again, I can't stress this enough, EVERY adoption, even step-parent adoption, is an agreement between the parent and the CHILD.  It is not an agreement between two married adults.  The responsibility does not rest with the marriage it rests with the CHILD!  Do not adopt, as a step-parent, if you do not understand this, accept this, and most of all WANT this.

Answer 4

My husband is stepfather to both of my children and they are covered under his medical insurance and are also entitled to a piece of our estate when we pass.  It is OURS not his, therefore it belongs to both his children and my children...we are splitting it evenly.  Besides, we're not dropping dead so our children can strike it rich!

Good parents don't divorce a child when a marriage fails---biological or otherwise!

Answer 5

This happened to me. My children's biological father gave them up & the step father adopted them. About 5 months later we divorced. He is responsible for paying child support & paying 1/2 of the medical bills. My current husband is the one that carries med./dental/vision ins. on my children, because he is the responsible one. It took me about 2 yrs. to start getting any type of help from the adoptive parent. Also, he treats my children differently. I have one child that refuses to go over there.I don't make him go either.