What are the pros and cons with foster to adopt and just straight adoption?

Question

We are just starting the process of adoption, but we were wondering some of the pros and cons with each. I know that with foster to adopt there is a chance that the child may go back with their family, but there is also a chance to get to know the child. I have four other children as well...so I am a little concerned with how they will feel about this. With adoption, I know that this will be our child from that moment on...but what happens if it's not a good fit? Then where will I be? I just need someone to help me that isn't biased one way or another. THANKS!!!

Answer 1

Foster to adopt is difficult in the ways you expressed because there is a chance that the child returns with his/her family, but I think it's a great idea because there is nothing worse in this world than seeing children grow up without a nurturing family.  I love the idea of having good parents and families fostering children.

Answer 2

We Foster-to-Adopt'ed.  It worked out very well for us, we adopted two great kids, and never would have changed anything.  I can only speak to where I live (Texas), but I believe things are pretty consistent throughout the USA.

Pros

- You get to form a bond with the kids and see how they mesh with your family before you make a final decision.  We know people who had a child in their home for several months and were planing to adopt, they then found out the child was beginning to sexually abuse another child in their home.  There had been no report of this behavior in the child's file and may never had known if they hadn't fostered him first.  (The child went to live in a home specifically for children with such behavioral issues).    

- Many kids are placed in foster care for a time before released for adoption.  If they are already living with a foster family looking to adopt, the foster family gets the opportunity to adopt first.  This means that if you are hoping to adopt 'high demand' kids (younger, lower demand, fewer known issues, etc) it significantly increases you chances of getting those kids.

- Any time they spend in your home as a foster child can count toward any 'trial period' mandated by the state.  Our state mandates 6 months between placement and final adoption, if you foster them first, this can speed up the process.

Cons

- Uncertainty about if the child will be placed for adoption and may have several kids pass through your home before any are placed placed for adoption.  We know people who had multiple placements in their home of "Legal Risk" kids, only to have all of them reunified with the birth family.  It was tough.  And, it is something you should be prepared for.  We had a few foster placements in our home, but none were likely adoptions, so we didn't have to deal with this.

- Being a licensed foster home can be a real pain in the butt.  You have constant paper work and frequent visits by the state.  Everything has to be logged and documented.  

That is our experience.  In general, I would say it is worth it.

Answer 3

The biggest PRO in foster-adoption is that you are giving a child who needs it, a loving home, a family & parents.  There are over 130,000 foster children currently available for adoption.

Today's foster system often won't terminate parental rights until a child has prospective adoptive parents.  Look at that from the child's point of view.  Terminating their parents' rights doesn't allow  them the HOPE that their parents might do what's necessary to be reunited.  In some extreme cases, however, parental rights are terminated before a prospective adoptive home is found.

Parents have approximately 18 months to complete a 'family reunification plan' and regain custody of their children.  Approximately 80% of the children in foster care today are there because of neglect due to their parents drug addiction.  Although the courts provide rehab services to these parents, sadly, many won't make use of the services to 'recover' from their addictions even when faced with losing their children.  

As foster parents, YOU can determine what children will be placed in your home.  You can choose the age range & gender.  AND you can refuse to take children who have been sexually abused &/or who have sexually acted out in another home.  This is a completely appropriate decision when you have other children in the home.  

The biggest CON to adoption is that often, a baby is losing it's mother because the mom doesn't believe in her ability to parent her child, either because of financial reasons, or because of her age or both, or because she's being pressured to relinquish.  In many of these cases, adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.  And it may NOT be in the best interest of the child in the long run to be separated from their parent.  

Adoption creates a 'primal wound' (separation) that has a lasting impact on the child.  Sometimes that wound can't be avoided.  Certainly children in foster care have already experienced that loss.  So, be aware, be prepared, allow the child to express that grief, know it's not YOUR failure to reassure them, and just love them through it.

Additionally, there are many ethical questions & issues surrounding the adoption 'industry' and it's tactics to obtain healthy infants for couples wanting to adopt.    

In adoption, the biological mother/parents have 6 months to reconsider.  In foster-adoption, many, many children have already lost their parents (parental rights have been terminated).    

Last, children in foster care are provided with counseling to help them recover from the damage separation does.  Counseling can include the foster-adopt parents, too.

Hope this is useful! Best wishes to you & your family...